Need Y'alls Help
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15-04-2014, 01:27 PM
RE: Need Y'alls Help
It is important to check facilities out, there are good and there are bad ones. But it's also a two way street. You not only need to know if the care is good but if it's a good fit for your wife.

My father was in one facility on, I think, three different occasions after certain issues. It's the one he died at eventually. But in between the decision was made for him to go to a different one, not because there had been issues at the other one but because it was really close to his house and much closer to Phyllis' house. I think that lasted one day and he was back at the other place.

Dad was pretty gruff and half his normal vocabulary was swear words. In fact, people who knew him didn't really pay much attention because it's just the way he talked, it wasn't necessarily a reflection of mood.

Well apparently the staff at the one night place weren't amused by his manner of speaking and he wasn't going to be changing any time soon (or ever) and he was promptly put in an ambulance and taken back to the other place. The people there understood him much better, they tended to be younger and less ruffled than the little old church ladies at the place near his home.

It just wasn't a good fit for him at all. Those poor little old church ladies are probably still praying for his soul and washing their ears out with bleach.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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15-04-2014, 01:30 PM
RE: Need Y'alls Help
(15-04-2014 01:21 PM)War Horse Wrote:  @ Anj and Hobbit, I've looked into some around here and basically it comes down to who will accept Medicaid co-pay.

I dont mean to sound cold about the whole thing, but over 2 years of this on my back has taken its toll. I cant do it anymore, plus she's deteriorated so badly that doing anything is impossible for her, and when she tries, it turns into a holy mess...that befalls on me yet again to make right.

I cant go on this way, my own thinking process is going to hell , I cant get a good nights sleep and I'm constantly stressed to the max. Its time to do something drastic.

Totally understand...care facilities are expensive! Dad went for one month at one, and with his private insurance (he hadn't been out long enough or something for Medicare to kick in) his out of pocket was five grand. Luckily he had that.

Where ever you decide, make your presence known and unpredictable.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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15-04-2014, 02:39 PM
RE: Need Y'alls Help
(15-04-2014 01:30 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Where ever you decide, make your presence known and unpredictable.

^^ THIS


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15-04-2014, 02:59 PM
RE: Need Y'alls Help
(15-04-2014 02:39 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  
(15-04-2014 01:30 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Where ever you decide, make your presence known and unpredictable.

^^ THIS

Not a problem...... I did this with the hospitals and more than butted heads with staff and doctors. They dont scare me in the least, but I do believe they hated my guts.

I can get quite annoying at times. Rolleyes

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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15-04-2014, 03:09 PM
RE: Need Y'alls Help
(15-04-2014 02:59 PM)War Horse Wrote:  
(15-04-2014 02:39 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  ^^ THIS

Not a problem...... I did this with the hospitals and more than butted heads with staff and doctors. They dont scare me in the least, but I do believe they hated my guts.

I can get quite annoying at times. Rolleyes

Hmmm, I think they meant the timing of your visits, not your behavior. Consider

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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15-04-2014, 03:15 PM
RE: Need Y'alls Help
(15-04-2014 03:09 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(15-04-2014 02:59 PM)War Horse Wrote:  Not a problem...... I did this with the hospitals and more than butted heads with staff and doctors. They dont scare me in the least, but I do believe they hated my guts.

I can get quite annoying at times. Rolleyes

Hmmm, I think they meant the timing of your visits, not your behavior. Consider

Yeah, I got that... but the two go hand in hand with me. Big Grin

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15-04-2014, 03:19 PM
RE: Need Y'alls Help
(15-04-2014 02:59 PM)War Horse Wrote:  
(15-04-2014 02:39 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  ^^ THIS

Not a problem...... I did this with the hospitals and more than butted heads with staff and doctors. They dont scare me in the least, but I do believe they hated my guts.

I can get quite annoying at times. Rolleyes

Patients need someone to advocate for them, especially those that can't speak up for themselves.

In the middle of all dad's health issues he got into a vehicle accident, a bad one, broke his hip and crushed his pelvis. He was already dealing with bladder cancer and a stroke affected arm so he had a lot of stuff going on and for some reason the doctors were letting him lay in the hospital for a week before they went in to try to fix his hip. He was then moved to a floor for patients that had hip or knee replacements and were expected to be pretty self-sufficient.

Phyllis called my brother, the back up man of the family, to say she needed help as no one would listen to her since she wasn't a relative. My brother didn't do shit so she turned to me. My husband and I drove cross country and when Phyllis told dad that I was on the way, he said that he knew I would take care of things.

I get there and the staff is ignoring dad, who they have in a corner room as far from the nurses station as possible. He has a broken hip and a useless arm, it half deaf and they are bitching because he was causing a disturbance.

Here's the disturbance...after calling the nurses station about a half dozen times with no response, he knocked over his IV stand to get someone's attention. My first thought...dad's about deaf and his hearing aids are in his wrecked truck. He probably can't hear them on the little speaker that has slid under his pillow. Second thought...after six calls, why didn't someone get off their ass and go see what was going on? I was getting pissed...they had no notes on his cancer or his stroke issues...or his deafness. WTF?

So I got the head of the floor to come in the room with me, I had questions for her. We tested the damn call speaker...it didn't work. The nurses could hear the call button and see the light but when dad didn't respond verbally to them they just ignored him. Had her call up an engineer who stated that the call speaker was broken. Really...now I am really going to come unglued. I raised hell up one side and down the other. I was assured that things would be fixed and done right. Next nurse in the room talked so quietly and with an accent that I could barely make out what she was saying and dad had no clue. She was complaining that he wasn't trying to get up and walk. He wouldn't pull himself up with the triangle above his bed. So, time for another come to Jesus with the medical staff. The man had an IV in one arm and the other arm was USELESS. Jesus Fucking Christ. And I made her put a sign above his bed saying to speak loudly and clearly.

Needless to say it was a long week until we got him to the care facility. I hadn't been that pissed off in a long time; or since.

Now, this was NC but not some podunk little clinic...it was Wake Forest hospital for pete's sake.

Make your presence known and don't back down till they listen.

I am sure I was on their most hated list for a long time afterward. But that's okay, their behavior was shameful.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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15-04-2014, 03:31 PM
RE: Need Y'alls Help
I know all to well Anj.

Dont get me going about almost physically throwing the doctor out the window and turning the nurses station upside down. I figured that I was going to get a security escort out of the hospital, but I didnt and they actually started doing their stinking job..... tho the doctor avoided me and her room during the time I was there. LOL Laugh out load

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15-04-2014, 04:19 PM
RE: Need Y'alls Help
Please don't bitch at your wife for the crazy things she does. It's not intentional. Synapses in her brain are misfiring and she has no control over it. As she declines mentally, you'll have to be mindful that she doesn't become a runner. Some develop a need to leave although they have no idea of where they are going, and will go to great lengths to "escape". One lady in our area loved her morning walk but as her mind deteriorated she'd draw a blank as to how to get home. Being rural, she was usually recognized and taken home. It was difficult for her husband to put her in a home and at first she objected but she needed to be in a secure building where she'd be watched 24/7. Her husband visits daily and has for two years now. She has deteriorated but her body hangs on.
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15-04-2014, 04:46 PM
RE: Need Y'alls Help
I can't add much except a little sympathy but I think the success of this initiative is going to be in the way you sell the idea to her.

Focus entirely on What's In It For Her:
You know what she likes/dislikes, wants, needs etc.

Perhaps she worries about personal security? Is she currently bored of having no one around to talk too?

The current situation fails to meet her needs in what way?
The proposed situation successfully meets her needs, wants, likes etc. in which ways?

You are selling a Value Proposition:
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