Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
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08-04-2017, 12:02 PM
Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
My daughter was in line at lunch and was asked by a peer if she believes in god. She told him no.

He replied: "I hate you then. You are stupid to not believe in god." and pushed her out of the line.

(kid is 9 - old enough to know what he is doing)

This isn't as easy as telling my daughter to tell the kid to F off.
I know the kid, I know the mom very well. It is a small school and so I can't say what I would really like to say directly to her and her son.

My kid is also not aggressive. I think she was too stunned to really say or do anything.

What would you do in this situation?

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08-04-2017, 12:23 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
(08-04-2017 12:02 PM)ShadowProject Wrote:  My daughter was in line at lunch and was asked by a peer if she believes in god. She told him no.

He replied: "I hate you then. You are stupid to not believe in god." and pushed her out of the line.

(kid is 9 - old enough to know what he is doing)

This isn't as easy as telling my daughter to tell the kid to F off.
I know the kid, I know the mom very well. It is a small school and so I can't say what I would really like to say directly to her and her son.

My kid is also not aggressive. I think she was too stunned to really say or do anything.

What would you do in this situation?

I have been in similar situations. Here's how I handled them:

Go directly to the principal. Write a note with a full description of what happened and email it, cc'g it to the guidance counselor. What is likely to happen is that the counselor will talk to the two kids, help them to explore/resolve the conflict. If the conflict between the two continues, the counselor might draw up a behavior contract between the two of them.

Ask to be updated, and also let the school know that if the behavior escalates, you'll be filing a bullying report.

Also--and I know this is super hard, but it will keep you out of a load of trouble: Don't talk directly to the other parent or the other kid about what happened.

Finally, talk to your daughter. Let her know you're on her side, you think she didn't do anything wrong. Then maybe think together of some things she could do in that situation that might have led to a different outcome (my son's counselor called it a "social autopsy") and, if it seems helpful, role play them.

PM me anytime if you'd like more advice.
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08-04-2017, 01:34 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
Thank you for your sound advice Smile

I was quite angry after she told me, and since I have calmed down, I now need to formulate a game plan.
I appreciate your ideas.

"If you don't have a seat at the table, you're probably on the menu."

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08-04-2017, 03:37 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
julep's advice is very good but I will add this...document everything....and I mean everything with dates and times. If this escalates or gets swept under the rug you will have what you need to move up the ladder to the district office and beyond if necessary.

School admins are, I have found, really good at altering the history of things like this. You have to be your child's advocate.

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08-04-2017, 04:11 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
(08-04-2017 03:37 PM)Anjele Wrote:  julep's advice is very good but I will add this...document everything....and I mean everything with dates and times. If this escalates or gets swept under the rug you will have what you need to move up the ladder to the district office and beyond if necessary.

School admins are, I have found, really good at altering the history of things like this. You have to be your child's advocate.

I agree entirely.

Take and date notes on any conversations you have about this (set up a paper folder or a file on your computer), so that you can refer to them as you need to.
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08-04-2017, 07:19 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
(08-04-2017 12:02 PM)ShadowProject Wrote:  My daughter was in line at lunch and was asked by a peer if she believes in god. She told him no.

He replied: "I hate you then. You are stupid to not believe in god." and pushed her out of the line.

(kid is 9 - old enough to know what he is doing)

This isn't as easy as telling my daughter to tell the kid to F off.
I know the kid, I know the mom very well. It is a small school and so I can't say what I would really like to say directly to her and her son.

My kid is also not aggressive. I think she was too stunned to really say or do anything.

What would you do in this situation?

I would speak to the school principal, then I would give the mother some advice, such as "tell your kid to keep his hands to himself or the police will be at your door."

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08-04-2017, 07:46 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
Is 9 necessarily old enough to know what you're doing?

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08-04-2017, 08:05 PM (This post was last modified: 08-04-2017 09:39 PM by Anjele.)
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
(08-04-2017 07:46 PM)GenesisNemesis Wrote:  Is 9 necessarily old enough to know what you're doing?

A nine year old who tells another kid that he hates them and then pushes them definitely knows what they are doing. If they don't know it's wrong then either the parents are to blame or the kid has some deficiency in cognitive ability.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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08-04-2017, 09:29 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
The RCC considers 7 years old as old enough to get on their knees and...beg forgiveness from someone...or something, so that they can receive 1st communion. Some little kid is getting a nasty indoctrination at home. I'd like to know why the question even came up! Not faulting you at all, ShadowProject. There is something going on with those kids that needs to be addressed.
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08-04-2017, 09:48 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
When my son was around the same age a kid in his class who was much larger shoved my son hard enough to bruise his shoulder blades. I went to the principal (who was also a preacher - imagine that) and he went on and on about how hard things were at home for the kid who hurt my son. He was really rationalizing the behavior...the kid's father was in prison, the mother was who-knows-where and the boy was being taken care of by another family member.

I felt for the kid, really did. But....but....I couldn't allow this to be excused and have it keep happening to my son or other kids and I didn't let up. It never happened again and in later years my son and that boy played sports together, got along fine, and he got back on the right track and did well in school and got his anger under control.

The fact that the administration was going to excuse the behavior was not fair to either kid.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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