Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
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09-04-2017, 08:00 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
I definitely think 9 is old enough to be self-aware.
There is already sneaky mean girl shit happening, cliques forming and 'rumors'.

9 has been our turning point year as far as peers go. And not in a good way Sad

Thanks, everyone. I will call the principal on Monday. I really think she needs to be made aware.

"If you don't have a seat at the table, you're probably on the menu."

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09-04-2017, 08:42 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
(09-04-2017 08:00 PM)ShadowProject Wrote:  I definitely think 9 is old enough to be self-aware.
There is already sneaky mean girl shit happening, cliques forming and 'rumors'.

9 has been our turning point year as far as peers go. And not in a good way Sad

Thanks, everyone. I will call the principal on Monday. I really think she needs to be made aware.

There is no guarantee that school admins can, or will, fix things but you can be sure they won't if they don't know.

I hope all goes well.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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09-04-2017, 09:05 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
Personally, I'd tell my child to ignore it this one time (or maybe comment on the kindness their peers is lacking at most, esp considering christians claim to be highly morally conscious). If it was reoccurring then I'd involve the other great advice. Sucks to be a human and it sucks even more to be a human child going through the harsh realities of social dynamic.
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09-04-2017, 09:14 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
(09-04-2017 09:05 PM)LadyJane Wrote:  Personally, I'd tell my child to ignore it this one time (or maybe comment on the kindness their peers is lacking at most, esp considering christians claim to be highly morally conscious). If it was reoccurring then I'd involve the other great advice. Sucks to be a human and it sucks even more to be a human child going through the harsh realities of social dynamic.

LJ, I would agree if the kid would only have said something hateful. But he put his hands on her and pushed her out of the line. Overlooking that is not in the best interest of either child...IMO.

Had it been only a rude comment I may agree but I don't agree with giving a pass on physical aggression.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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09-04-2017, 11:38 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
(09-04-2017 09:14 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(09-04-2017 09:05 PM)LadyJane Wrote:  Personally, I'd tell my child to ignore it this one time (or maybe comment on the kindness their peers is lacking at most, esp considering christians claim to be highly morally conscious). If it was reoccurring then I'd involve the other great advice. Sucks to be a human and it sucks even more to be a human child going through the harsh realities of social dynamic.

LJ, I would agree if the kid would only have said something hateful. But he put his hands on her and pushed her out of the line. Overlooking that is not in the best interest of either child...IMO.

Had it been only a rude comment I may agree but I don't agree with giving a pass on physical aggression.

Ahh, you 100% right Anj. I completely overlooked that, I was skimming the post with a 3 second gold fish memory and didn't even focus enough to catch the physical part, which is definitely the shame in this interaction. I'd completely be firing off emails and arranging some meeting (telephone or in person) to rectify this interaction with the students. My focus would be the physical treatment primarily... the christian BS would be secondary.

So sorry, ShadowProject, to have to have this happen to your sweet girl. Keep us updated in the outcome.
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10-04-2017, 11:42 AM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
I called the principal and left a voice mail. No return call yet.

She's an easy target because she is very gentle and kind to everyone. Unfortunately, those traits aren't really appreciated in this world.

"If you don't have a seat at the table, you're probably on the menu."

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10-04-2017, 12:29 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
While I completely agree that the "believer" was completely out of line he's just a child himself - this is an attitude he has learned from others probably his parents or some other close role model. In life free-thinkers have to rise above situations like this constantly. I'm not saying it's something to just take lying down, but discretion is the better part of valor as they say. We need to know how to pick our battles. Is the juice worth the squeeze? One question that might be worth considering is whether or not the potential aftermath and consequences for EITHER child, the bully and your daughter, are worth escalating this situation? Maybe they are, that's not for me to say. What is the desired outcome?

If the goal is just to open this kid's eyes and treat this as a teachable moment about how you treat classmates, even those you disagree with, then maybe a conversation with the parents is enough. You say you know the family well, but were the kids friends prior to the incident or just classmates? If, on the other hand, you're worried about your daughter's treatment at school or you fear she'll be singled out and harassed or mocked or bullied by other kids then the sooner you bring it to the school's attention the better. You have to nip this kind of thing in the bud as early as possible, especially if there's a good chance the administration will turn a blind eye or claim ignorance about this kind of behavior/attitude among the students.
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10-04-2017, 12:59 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
My kids are really young, so I can't give much of a parent's perspective on school-age kids. However, as a very sensitive and non-confrontational kid myself, I think it would've been helpful for me to really sit down and talk about emotional reactions--hers, yours, maybe even the other kid's, maybe what onlookers felt and thought. Of course, it all depends on what's right for your daughter, but I know that, for me, something like that would've been incredibly distressing and I would've had big emotional reactions that I didn't really know how to process. My mom was always very action-focused, and if I could give her advice about me back then, I would tell her to help me work through those feelings, including trying to make a little sense of what happened in context. If she's like me, she also might need some reassurance that being too shocked and appalled to react is not a sign of weakness but is, rather, the reaction of a reasonable person to truly outrageous behavior. And then, again, depending on your daughter, but it may actually be helpful to talk about why he did that and what messages he might be getting.

Whatever happens, I hope the school administration is receptive, I hope that that kid at the very least cuts that shit out, and most of all, I hope your daughter is able to generally shake off the incident.
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10-04-2017, 01:12 PM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
I don't have kids, but I just watched the HBO "limited series" (7-episodes) Big Little Lies, which strikes me now as an excellent lesson on what NOT to do when your kids are in this situation. Long story short, don't escalate the tension with the other parents, and don't draw a line in the sand where kids in the class are forced to choose sides against their classmates: keep it private.

I wish you and your daughter good luck in getting this resolved without any more conflict, and I really hope it doesn't come down to a religious confrontation. Definitely keep the focus on the physical aggression.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." Albert Einstein
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11-04-2017, 10:55 AM
RE: Need advice - especially if you have young kids.
(10-04-2017 11:42 AM)ShadowProject Wrote:  She's an easy target because she is very gentle and kind to everyone. Unfortunately, those traits aren't really appreciated in this world.

Nope, those traits are easily taken advantage of. That doesn't change how valuable a person like this is though, the world could use more of it.
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