Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
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26-05-2016, 07:54 PM
Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
I live in Texas and my nephew lives in Alabama. He reached out to me asked if he should tell his parents that hes is an athiest and how he should go about it. I told him he needs to think about the possible consequences for coming out and think about what is more important to him. Well apparently he told his parent about his doubts because I was later notified by his parents that I do not have their permission to talk to their kids about faith stuff. I dont know what to do because I know my nephew does not have anybody else to talk too because all of our relatives our deeply religion and Im the only athiest. Keep in my mind my nephew lives in the deep bible belt in Alabama. My nephew is 17 years old.
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26-05-2016, 08:48 PM (This post was last modified: 27-05-2016 08:50 AM by carol.)
RE: Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
HI,
This is a very delicate matter. Some families have kicked out their older children when they find out they are atheists.
Your nephew will be 18, and considered an adult soon. Are you willing to help him if he loses his home over this? Would you take him in, or offer a place to stay when he turns 18? You may have to think this out carefully. If you are willing to help him out, you could email or text to him that he has a place with you when he turns 18. That will likely be a huge relief to him and he would be able to hang in there until he is 18, get a job and save up enough so he would be able to come stay with you for a while.

If it is not possible for him to stay with you, then he may have to be more careful and cautious. He will need some emotional support. Either way, if you assure his parents that you will not talk about faith with him, you will be able to leave that line of communication open to him, and he will need it. Remind him that he will be 18 soon enough and so you will keep the conversation nonreligious for the time being, out of respect for his parents. He could understand that, and so will his parents. There are many other ways to be a part of his life, many other things you can talk about with him, and he will still realize you care about him.
If at all possible, a visit to stay with you for a while when he is 18 would be good for him IMO.

It is fantastic that he has you in his life, he is a lucky young man. Even though his parents do not agree with you about religion, when he turns 18, they will likely be very relieved that you are there for him over the years ahead. Some day they may even thank you for taking an interest in him.

The biology of mind bridges the sciences - concerned with the natural world - and the humanities - concerned with the meaning of human experience. Eric Kandel
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26-05-2016, 08:53 PM
RE: Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
Tough situation.

How is your relationship with your sibling and in-law? I think you should start there.

Good luck.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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26-05-2016, 08:58 PM
RE: Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
Technically by law in most states he's already an adult. If he leaves his parents or they kick him out, the authority will not do anything about it. That being said, they also have no control over what or who he talks to. Be supportive, if he can come and stay with you if needs be, then let him know that. He is obviously in for a rough ride.

One thing I have always said is, "I won't bring up a subject if a parent insists but if asked I will not lie" but he's old enough to make his own choices about his ideas. It's far too late for his parents to keep him from learning or choosing what he wants.

So glad he has you on his side. Thx!

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27-05-2016, 07:16 AM
RE: Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
Thanks for the kind words guys and ladies. My relationship with my brother is on the rocks because hes always preaching to me turn or burn. I reached out to my nephew when I found out he is having doubts and I know because of the location he lives he doesnt have anyone to talk too. I was reminded how divisive religion is and causes discord among families. Its like over what an imaginery invisible man in the sky that there is no evidence for. I am in a position I could take him in , Im a software engineer in Austin, TX. Im just worried about causing more friction than that is already in my family over this matter.
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27-05-2016, 08:05 AM
RE: Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
I am always the one to say don't risk it until you're independent enough to weather the worst-case scenario. But that's the cautious end of the spectrum.

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24-08-2016, 06:39 AM
RE: Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
Just an update. My brother posted something about Japan having a high suicide and tried to assert its because its a secular country. I commented and explaining some of the factors that have led to Japan's suicide not because their secular. Next thing I know his wife posted on facebook she doesnt understand why anyone would be an athiest. I commented on her post just simply asked her how we come to know things.
Next thing I know my brother posted telling his wife they have to stay away from toxic people and they blocked their kids from me. It was the only communication I had with my nephew. Its just so frustrating because I know my nephew has no one to talk to where he lives about his doubts about god.
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24-08-2016, 06:50 AM
RE: Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
It's truly one fucked up state of affairs, when some asshat puts an invisible friend in higher esteem than their own family.......


And they wonder why people use their buddie's name as a cuss word.....

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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24-08-2016, 06:55 AM
RE: Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
(24-08-2016 06:39 AM)jlparris Wrote:  Just an update. My brother posted something about Japan having a high suicide and tried to assert its because its a secular country. I commented and explaining some of the factors that have led to Japan's suicide not because their secular. Next thing I know his wife posted on facebook she doesnt understand why anyone would be an athiest. I commented on her post just simply asked her how we come to know things.
Next thing I know my brother posted telling his wife they have to stay away from toxic people and they blocked their kids from me. It was the only communication I had with my nephew. Its just so frustrating because I know my nephew has no one to talk to where he lives about his doubts about god.

Seems like your brother is extremely insecure about his faith and/or very controlling. I can't help feeling sorry for you and your nephew. To me it's astonishing that a belief system should be the cause of such discord.

Best of luck in working through this.

The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike
Excreta Tauri Sapientam Fulgeat (The excrement of the bull causes wisdom to flee)
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24-08-2016, 06:57 AM
RE: Need advice with nephew that came out as an athiest
Its a reminder why I hate religious dogma. It causes good people to do horrible shit.
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