Need some sage advice
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28-02-2017, 11:56 PM
RE: Need some sage advice
If the opinions of your loved ones are very important, all I could suggest is to all sit down together and help them understand that this is for real. If they love you, they should want you to be happy. If they don't trust you enough to believe you're not taking advantage, they're pretty shitty friends/family.

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01-03-2017, 12:11 AM
RE: Need some sage advice
Family smamily

Keep this young thing happy

That's my advice

You ain't gonna leave that good thing be real

Just try to be cool if you end up broken-hearted

That's not a prediction either.
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01-03-2017, 12:23 AM
RE: Need some sage advice
(28-02-2017 11:49 PM)jennybee Wrote:  You can't live your lives for your friends and family. I'm sure they do things that you don't always agree with. If people decide to end friendships over this, they weren't your friends to begin with. I understand family may be a bit more difficult. But we get one life and if you are lucky enough to find someone amazing to spend it with, don't let them slip through your fingers out of fear of other people's opinions.

True...however, we may not have to live FOR them, but we do have to live WITH them. Both of us value our friends and family very highly. And at times it seems there is this constant need to prove our relationship to them...to the point that sometimes we question it ourselves...that's the tough part.

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01-03-2017, 12:37 AM
RE: Need some sage advice
(01-03-2017 12:11 AM)ImFred Wrote:  Family smamily

Keep this young thing happy

That's my advice

You ain't gonna leave that good thing be real

Just try to be cool if you end up broken-hearted

That's not a prediction either.

Not a prediction, but isn't that the way most of these situations end up ? Thanks. I'll be crying in my oatmeal by next Tuesday.

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01-03-2017, 01:31 AM
RE: Need some sage advice
(28-02-2017 11:46 PM)The Drake Wrote:  
(28-02-2017 11:16 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Assuming she's an adult, despite the age difference, it doesn't really matter. A good friend of mine married a man 25 years older than she was. I believe she was 25 and he was 50. They had three kids (they did a diaper derby which I sorta thought was more crazy than their age difference) and still incredibly happy.

No assumptions required. Just considerations. We are both adults. I also have a friend who married someone 25 yrs older. They have been happily married for 12 years. Perspective.

It is about perspective and having good boundaries. My friend, she had some problems with her dad, to be honest the guy was around the same age as her father was...

It wasn't the life he imagined for his daughter. That's a big part of it, we don't see things how they are, we see things how we are.

Eventually the dad came around and saw that his daughter was very happy and still is.
Usually that's what you want for your kids.

Now, I don't know how his family dealt with it or even they were even an issue. I'll admit I kinda personally forget about family because all I have family wise really are my husband and kids.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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01-03-2017, 01:52 AM
RE: Need some sage advice
(28-02-2017 11:00 PM)The Drake Wrote:  Folks I need your honest opinions. [...]

[My comments assume that you'll be getting married in the near future. If not, please ignore.]

Okay. From my solely personal point of view, I'd never marry(?) someone more than young enough to be my daughter. It's not so much the numerical age difference as the generational difference. In the vast majority of other relationship scenarios, most parents either have no interest in their children's activities and interests, and/or oftentimes have a diametrically opposed viewpoint on morals and ethics, world affairs, cultural pastimes, political values, ecology and environment, the arts and philosophy etc. Are you both happy to bridge that inevitable gap?

Another obvious disadvantage is not so much her age, but your age. When she's still a relatively active and healthy 60-year-old, then you're gonna be 88 years of age. And there's no way you're gonna be able to keep up with her—whether due to lack of interest in her activities or a decline in your own physical/mental abilities. And you have to be realistic with this.

The mere fact of your posting this question also raises some concerns from my perspective. Why are you even slightly unsure of all this? Why are you in "need" of our opinions—as complete strangers? Why are you so uneasy about the acceptance (or lack thereof) from your friends and family? You claim to be totally confident with your relationship status, but..... here you are asking questions. Something doesn't quite gel.

There's an interesting article (about May-December marriages) from Slate here: http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/cultu...e_gap.html

Whatever, I wish you both the very best of happiness for the future. Thumbsup

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01-03-2017, 04:41 AM (This post was last modified: 01-03-2017 04:59 AM by adey67.)
RE: Need some sage advice
If you're just planning on being in a relationship and seeing what happens enjoy it and each other if it looks like getting uber serious ie marriage SYZ's post is the one I would recommend reading VERY carefully. All the best to you both Adey.

Edit: You also need to be brutally honest with yourself as to why you posted here, are you honestly asking for advice or secretly hoping for overwhelming validation of what you have already decided to do ? I'm not saying that's what you are doing but its very very important you know the truth yourself.
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01-03-2017, 05:11 AM
RE: Need some sage advice
(28-02-2017 11:00 PM)The Drake Wrote:  Folks I need your honest opinions. Please do not judge or jump to conclusions. I am in love with someone much younger than me by almost 28 yrs. What started as a friendship 2 years ago has become more. I don't need to hear that I'm just an older guy looking to recapture my youth, or that I know what I'm doing taking advantage of a younger woman. Our feelings are real, and if I knew what I was doing I wouldn't ask for help.

Too little information to judge fairly....
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01-03-2017, 05:42 AM
RE: Need some sage advice
(01-03-2017 01:52 AM)SYZ Wrote:  
(28-02-2017 11:00 PM)The Drake Wrote:  Folks I need your honest opinions. [...]

[My comments assume that you'll be getting married in the near future. If not, please ignore.]

Okay. From my solely personal point of view, I'd never marry(?) someone more than young enough to be my daughter. It's not so much the numerical age difference as the generational difference. In the vast majority of other relationship scenarios, most parents either have no interest in their children's activities and interests, and/or oftentimes have a diametrically opposed viewpoint on morals and ethics, world affairs, cultural pastimes, political values, ecology and environment, the arts and philosophy etc. Are you both happy to bridge that inevitable gap?

Another obvious disadvantage is not so much her age, but your age. When she's still a relatively active and healthy 60-year-old, then you're gonna be 88 years of age. And there's no way you're gonna be able to keep up with her—whether due to lack of interest in her activities or a decline in your own physical/mental abilities. And you have to be realistic with this.

The mere fact of your posting this question also raises some concerns from my perspective. Why are you even slightly unsure of all this? Why are you in "need" of our opinions—as complete strangers? Why are you so uneasy about the acceptance (or lack thereof) from your friends and family? You claim to be totally confident with your relationship status, but..... here you are asking questions. Something doesn't quite gel.

There's an interesting article (about May-December marriages) from Slate here: http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/cultu...e_gap.html

Whatever, I wish you both the very best of happiness for the future. Thumbsup

Like I said to Moms...No assumptions, but considerations. We've talked about the (old) age thing and it really is a numbers game. The generational gap has not been an issue as that is slightly blurred for both of us, but our physical age difference has come up. The odds are not in my favor, but then again I've known a few people who've outlived their partners by 20+ years (unfortunately it's usually the woman).

We are uneasy about the acceptance from friends/family because we value those people in our lives. We are very sure in our feelings for each other and want to share that happiness with them. More perspective is always good, and sometimes even better when coming from complete strangers (they can be more honest sometimes in a way that friends/family can't or won't). That's why I asked.

Thank you for the well wishes.

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01-03-2017, 06:10 AM
RE: Need some sage advice
(01-03-2017 04:41 AM)adey67 Wrote:  If you're just planning on being in a relationship and seeing what happens enjoy it and each other if it looks like getting uber serious ie marriage SYZ's post is the one I would recommend reading VERY carefully. All the best to you both Adey.

Edit: You also need to be brutally honest with yourself as to why you posted here, are you honestly asking for advice or secretly hoping for overwhelming validation of what you have already decided to do ? I'm not saying that's what you are doing but its very very important you know the truth yourself.

Thank you Adey. I am honestly seeking advice. Having feelings for each other wasn't a conscious decision, but pursuing a deeper relationship was. We've had enough scorn and validation to last a lifetime.

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