Needing Advice
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01-08-2013, 08:47 PM
Needing Advice
I'm a seventeen year old girl living in the heart of Mormon, USA. My mother is a devout Mormon, and has been for her whole life. Her entire family is also LDS. My father left the Mormon church following a rather messy divorce, and is now agnostic. However, he still has deep ties to his Southern Baptist roots, and is deeply homophobic and somewhat racist (my mother is far more overt with her own prejudices, but that's beside the point).
Back on topic- I have been am atheist for about a year now, and was agnostic for at least two years before that, for reasons which could fill a book all on their own. I should also note that atheists are greatly frowned upon by both sides of my family. As if the prospect of coming out as an atheist wasn't daunting enough, I am also a lesbian, and am currently in a serious relationship with another girl (no sexual contact involved).
I know I can't keep these secrets forever, but I dread the day I have to confront either parent about these major aspects of my life. My father will probably take my atheism well; it's the coming out as homosexual that scares me. As for my mother, she once screamed at and nearly hit my little brother for merely suggesting that I might be a lesbian, and questioning the Mormon faith in which we are raised is very strictly forbidden in our household. The situation at church is no better- the questions I ask are avoided, dodged, and glossed over until I let the subject drop out of sheer frustration.
I'm terrified, quite honestly. How do I tell my verbally abusive, emotionally manipulative mother that I reject her most deeply held beliefs? How do I tell both of my homophobic parents that I am in love with another girl? How do I break the news to my devoutly religious family? How can I walk away from the church I've been a part of my whole life? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Best wishes to all.
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01-08-2013, 11:29 PM
RE: Needing Advice
Although i support comming out of the closet,i suggest you'll wait till you are independent. And when you come out, make clear you still are moral,that you respect her opinion,and she should respect hers. Tell her you are not atacking her.

KC IS A LIAR!!!! HE PROMISED ME VANILLA CAKES AND GAVE ME STRAWBERRY CAKE Weeping
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01-08-2013, 11:42 PM
RE: Needing Advice
What lightvader said, it seems you won't get it easy, so wait until you get 18 and get a job and can stand on your own. You could also try to find some organization you could go to in case things get bad

http://www.glnh.org/index2.html

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02-08-2013, 03:22 AM
RE: Needing Advice
When momsuroundedbyboys or LadyJane comes,you'll get some good advice. There hasnt been a time here when they gave a bad one. Clap

KC IS A LIAR!!!! HE PROMISED ME VANILLA CAKES AND GAVE ME STRAWBERRY CAKE Weeping
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02-08-2013, 05:14 PM
RE: Needing Advice
Thanks for the advice, evryone. Tongue
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02-08-2013, 10:13 PM
RE: Needing Advice
Look, I made a horrible mistake coming out to my parents while I was still under their care. I felt that if I didn't I was betraying them by not giving them the respect they deserve by telling them the truth.

However, now that I did so, they give me so much shit over it. I can only expect that it would be worse for you to come out as an atheist lesbian.

Try to keep it in, at least until you can support yourself.

TTA forums has become a place where I can vent about the religious, maybe you can use this forum as a place to run to where you can rant and vent and let out the need to scream at the religious, so you don't accidentally slip up.

Stick around, we need more logical teens.

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02-08-2013, 11:20 PM
RE: Needing Advice
As others have said before, I'd hold it in as well until you're ready to be on your own. I'm going through the same situation myself, and it's not easy, but it's something I feel I have to do at the moment. Hope everything goes well with you and your family when you do come out Smile

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26-08-2013, 11:03 PM
RE: Needing Advice
If was in your situation, I'd simply wait till I was financially independent and living on my own. Then, I'd have both my parents over and tell them. If they react poorly, you can tell them to leave.

(and if your mother truly is abusive, consider calling the DSS)
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