Neighbor's Christian Invite
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06-10-2010, 09:22 AM
Neighbor's Christian Invite
So, my 13 year old daughter (9th grade) and I were outside the other day and my neighbor, who is a friendly enough kind of guy, decides to ask my daughter _directly_ if she'd like to go to some student evening Christian type of thing once in a while with his son.

I'm trying my best to get my kids (13,12,5) to think for themselves. We don't go to church. I finally got them out of a Baptist private school and into public schools. I actually got my oldest daughter to stop believing that the earth was only 6000 years old.

Point is, then my neighbor goes and dangles this carrot in front of her face _without_ asking _me_ first. Is it me? Or am I missing something? What can I do now? Hopefully, she'll forget about it. She _does_ have a pretty busy schedule already, so...

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06-10-2010, 11:02 AM
 
RE: Neighbor's Christian Invite
Well I'll be honest with you here, you'll never be able to make your kids think any particular way. If they are going to be religous your objections could actually at points push them deeper. I'd ebrace it. She knows your position, so tell her she has your permission to go and find out what its all about, but to not hesitate to ask you questions if she finds something confusing.
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06-10-2010, 11:12 AM
RE: Neighbor's Christian Invite
(06-10-2010 11:02 AM)Dregs Wrote:  Well I'll be honest with you here, you'll never be able to make your kids think any particular way. If they are going to be religous your objections could actually at points push them deeper. I'd ebrace it. She knows your position, so tell her she has your permission to go and find out what its all about, but to not hesitate to ask you questions if she finds something confusing.

I understand that I can't make them think any particular way. And, I'm not attempting to do that. She doesn't know what I believe. I make sure not to try and lead them in any way. She's been in a Baptist private school and home schooled most of her life, so she is well aware of "what it's all about" in terms of Christianity. And so was I at her age. There's nothing wrong with it.

I just feel that my neighbor should have come to me and presented the invite, rather than going straight to her. I know it's paranoid-ish, but it seems on the sneaky side of things.

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06-10-2010, 11:45 AM
 
RE: Neighbor's Christian Invite
I re-read your initial post and I admit I was mistaken the first time I read it. I assumed this was one 13 year old inviting another to a church thing, in which case I have no issue. I used to go to many of my friend's churches for social "fun" type gatherings. Now that I see that this is an adult it does seem a little uh... weird. Especially if the neighbor knows you feelings, but even if he doesn't. So I still wouldn't worry if she wants to do it, as it is probably just out of curiosity or the anticipation of having some fun. However it wouldn't be out of line to ask your neighbor for no future "offers". No need to get to testy just yet I would think.
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07-10-2010, 09:11 PM
 
RE: Neighbor's Christian Invite
That is sort of weird, but most christians really think they're doing something good making offers like this. It puts them on the "extra good" list. Smile

I'd say be very open with your daughter about what you believe, but explain to her that you'd like her to think for herself and make it clear that you'll accept her whatever path she chooses. In the meantime, I assume she'll have to ask your permission before going to something like this, and as a parent, it's definitely okay to say no and explain why. When she's older she'll be able to think and act for herself. By showing her the logic that led you to your choices, she might be able to understand them better.
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08-10-2010, 01:18 AM
 
RE: Neighbor's Christian Invite
(07-10-2010 09:11 PM)athnostic Wrote:  I'd say be very open with your daughter about what you believe, but explain to her that you'd like her to think for herself and make it clear that you'll accept her whatever path she chooses.
So far, so good. This is a case where you'd be treating your daughter like an adult, who is free to do as she chooses, so long as she accepts responsibility for what happens.

(07-10-2010 09:11 PM)athnostic Wrote:  In the meantime, I assume she'll have to ask your permission before going to something like this, and as a parent, it's definitely okay to say no and explain why. When she's older she'll be able to think and act for herself. By showing her the logic that led you to your choices, she might be able to understand them better.
I'd recommend not saying "no" to such a request. It only turns the experience into "forbidden fruit" and we all know where that leads! <);-)
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08-10-2010, 01:27 PM
RE: Neighbor's Christian Invite
On a side note, I don't see why you'd not tell your children what you believe. I have three kids, ages 12, 18 and 24 to two Christian ex-wives. I never told my kids they couldn't go to church or Sunday school or any religious activities. In fact, I encouraged them to explore. I also told them that I didn't believe but if they did that was fine so long as they understood what they believed and why they rejected other beliefs.

This week, my 12 year old told me she's an atheist. That makes her the third of three to tell me that. I'm batting 1000. And I didn't even have to try.
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08-10-2010, 04:53 PM
RE: Neighbor's Christian Invite
Well, back to the original question of whether it was appropriate for you neighbor to do that or not...

I think he was out of line there. Perhaps he didn't know it, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but as a parent I would talk to this guy and let him know that he needs to ask you first as a parent
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11-10-2010, 10:08 AM
 
RE: Neighbor's Christian Invite
(06-10-2010 09:22 AM)wllay Wrote:  So, my 13 year old daughter (9th grade) and I were outside the other day and my neighbor, who is a friendly enough kind of guy, decides to ask my daughter _directly_ if she'd like to go to some student evening Christian type of thing once in a while with his son.

I'm trying my best to get my kids (13,12,5) to think for themselves. We don't go to church. I finally got them out of a Baptist private school and into public schools. I actually got my oldest daughter to stop believing that the earth was only 6000 years old.

Point is, then my neighbor goes and dangles this carrot in front of her face _without_ asking _me_ first. Is it me? Or am I missing something? What can I do now? Hopefully, she'll forget about it. She _does_ have a pretty busy schedule already, so...

I think that is messed up for the neighbor to push their veiws on your kids! Depending on the area you live in depends on rather or not that is to be expected! As the saying goes..... in other states they ask if you go to church but in Texas they ask what church you go to!.....so sad but so true!!!!! I would ignore it unless the neighbor does it again.... then if if does you should point out how inappropriate it is to not only push their reigion but then to do it with out asking you!
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11-10-2010, 08:30 PM
RE: Neighbor's Christian Invite
It's a classical military strategy. Instead of engaging the frontline to push through to the command unit they send a force directly to the family unit by going around the line, forcing a wedge between the main line as it turns to protect the families and the commander.

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