(06-10-2010 09:22 AM)wllay Wrote: So, my 13 year old daughter (9th grade) and I were outside the other day and my neighbor, who is a friendly enough kind of guy, decides to ask my daughter _directly_ if she'd like to go to some student evening Christian type of thing once in a while with his son.
I'm trying my best to get my kids (13,12,5) to think for themselves. We don't go to church. I finally got them out of a Baptist private school and into public schools. I actually got my oldest daughter to stop believing that the earth was only 6000 years old.
Point is, then my neighbor goes and dangles this carrot in front of her face _without_ asking _me_ first. Is it me? Or am I missing something? What can I do now? Hopefully, she'll forget about it. She _does_ have a pretty busy schedule already, so...
My first question would be, does your neighbor know your personal family philosophy?
Many Christians take it as their duty to save souls, especially those of the young, who are still able to enter heaven in the age of innocence. If he knows, he could be trying to backdoor your intent to raise your child your way, thinking Jesus knows best.
Secondly, is his son close to your daughters age? This being a tactic some Christians use, in getting their own version of peer pressure in the mix. Cute boy, inspires cute girl to come along on an innocent children's gathering and next thing you know the boy, who's already in the Christian mindset of home, can persuade in his own way, speaking their own language together (boy/girl speak if you will.) a young impressionable, perhaps enamored young lady, to his way of thinking. Especially if that neighbor knows your daughter use to go to a Christian school.
This could be their way of joining forces to bring her back into the fold.
The reason being, this neighbor approached your child first, and not you. Lets me to think he might have thought your daughter was taken away from the flock by you, and he's trying to lure her back against your will. In any event that's wrong of him to invite your minor child to a gathering, without speaking to you first. Being a parent, he knows your child can't normally go somewhere without your permission. So perhaps that being said, he thought he might be able to persuade her to sneak to the gathering, thinking she'd not tell you of the invite at all. Which says, he's bent on sabotaging your intent to raise your child without the faith he believes she needs.
I'd step to the neighbor and very politely let him know that my daughter is thinking about his offer that she told me he afforded her, and that if/when she decides to attend I would be accompanying her to the event.
It may be for children, but it is not wholly populated by minors. They will certainly have supervision, but it will be Christian supervision as gatherings of this nature are just another vehicle for programming to the faith. If you do not want her to fall into that, simply speak for your daughter and refuse the invite. If you want to numb your neighbor, so he doesn't make a mistake like this next time, tell him what I mentioned formerly. Followed by a polite request that if, in future, he feels compelled to invite your daughter out
<That phrase will hit , because it sounds like a man tried to date your little girl, and if he's devout that phraseology will knot his gut and let him know that you consider his approach to be trespass), that you require (don't ask!As in, " I ask that you..." . That phraseology denotes you're making a request. This is your child, he's of no right to attempt to subvert your standards of raising her according to your values.), that he speak with you about anything he intends to present to her as invitation.
Be very nice, smile a lot and most importantly, look him right in the eyes the whole time. Christian men are taught, programmed, to believe women are 2nd class citizens, because rib woman fucked up the whole paradise blueprint. We're the weaker sex. (They say that because they've never squeezed out a watermelon from the end of their penis, and called it giving birth! Weaker? Yeah, get back to us on that one Christ boys,K?!) So they tend to treat us as if we're lost, needing guidance, or subservient.
Look him straight in the eyes, and with everything in you send the energy out from your own eyes that you are very serious and will not be placated with his excuses as to why he pulled an end run around your parenting.
If he's truly a nice guy, you'll know it by the end of this conversation. If he's putting on airs, so as to persuade you "sinners" to his path, you'll see the nice drop like a stone, just as soon as you in no uncertain terms let him know if you wanted to find his Jesus you'd have looked behind your couch amid all the fossilized Cheetos and dust bunnies that are keeping tree stencil boy company by the heat grate.
I don't play with Christ worshipers trying to mess with my choice of living my life. I once had a bunch of JW's come to my door, after bypassing numerous signs that run the length of my rather long drive-way bearing the message:
NO TRESPASSING! VIOLATORS WILL BE SHOT SURVIVORS SHALL BE SHOT AGAIN. PROSELYTIZING WILL RESULT IN A FINE AFFORDED IN BEING BEATEN TO DEATH WITH YOUR BIBLE! TURN BACK NOW!
Not to be deterred, they approached my door crossing a long deck. The door has a sticker near the doorbell that is the Universal no! (red circle with slash through) featuring a man and woman in silhouette with a Bible in one hand.) Yes, I saw them coming into the mouth of my drive when they made the turn, after catching sight of their car through my picture window, and the balls of it really ticked me off.
So, I stripped buck naked, closed all the sun blocker blinds, lit one candle on the dining room candle setting, grabbed the largest butcher knife on my butcher block table in the kitchen, and answered their doorbell.
"HI! We've been expecting you dears."
Then I looked back into the dark house and said rather loudly, to no one, not that the ladies knew that, since all they could see over my naked self was a black interior, with but one candle flame alight wayyy in the back.
"HEY EVERYBODY, THE HUMAN SACRIFICES TO FATHER SATAN HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED!"
Then I turned back to the frozen suddenly whiter group of finely dressed Witnesses bearing Watchtowers in suddenly death gripped hands, and said ever so sweetly as I opened the door. "Ladies? Are you ready?"
Have you ever seen elderly women, with some of the fanciest Sunday go to meeting hats clutched firmly to their heads so as to forestall their flying off, while their faces are frozen in stark wide eyed terror, and that old lady toddle to the door suddenly has disappeared so as to be replaced by an Olympic power sprint, to the minivan in your driveway?
That was three years ago, and not a hair nor hide of their kind has ever come back. Maybe after bypassing all those signs coming in, they got the message at the door. Ya think?!
Or ignore this completely. It's your life, my advice.
Good luck in any case. (I'd build a higher fence