Never a good day anymore
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22-07-2015, 07:55 PM
RE: Never a good day anymore
Hi Clockwork Hug I know there's nothing I can say, and I'm sorry I haven't shared a hug in here with you until now. This thread is scary for me Undecided been hitting some low spots in my own abyss lately too. I am thinking of you Heart Hug

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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22-07-2015, 08:16 PM
RE: Never a good day anymore
(14-07-2015 01:49 PM)Clockwork Wrote:  I've never actually come out of it. This started when I was in my teens, and I'm in my 40s now. I can't remember what I did when it wasn't quite as bad. I know that's just part of it, but I'm all but out of hope.


Please don't give up.

I recall an interview with a naval aviator. “He said every day is like a ca rrier landing. If you can walk away, it was a good day.“

There is always hope. Personally, I like to hope there is hope. Smile

Good luck.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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22-07-2015, 08:19 PM
RE: Never a good day anymore
(20-07-2015 07:17 PM)Clockwork Wrote:  Not 100% gone. Seems my Tapatalk app won't totally log out anyway.

I just have tried so much and nothing works.

That's our plan - Tapatalk won't let you go. You can never leave - you are ours now. Tongue

Stop in and talk - we are here to listen - maybe even offer some helpful ideas for you to get back on track.

And, I really miss your sense of humor. Smile

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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22-07-2015, 09:08 PM
RE: Never a good day anymore
Bit late with this sorry about that. Hope you are feeling better by now but if not, let me tell you a story. I know exactly how it feels. I suffer from depression and anxiety. It's hard for me to do much of anything because I'm too scared or just do not have any energy because my mind is fighting against me. Threatened suicide many times because I was always being bullied both at school and home, my brother threatened to stab me many times and hit me when he got angry, my mother always beat me when she was angry. I spent most of my childhood without many friends, alone, in my room crying, tired of life and living with all the pain. When I was younger my mother attempted suicide, I always felt and still do like I was the reason she did not want to live anymore. I feel that even more now because I can't get a job because basic easy life for most people is very hard for me.
I do feel a lot better now because I've worked hard on my issues, I can talk to strangers better than before. If I was me in my younger years I would not be making this post. Now I have many more friends, I'm mostly happier and I feel like I'm actually going somewhere in life, though its slow and there are still times where I break and go back to my depressive state and cry and think about how peoples lives would be better if I stopped being in them. My point is though that it takes work but it will get better. Your a very smart and nice guy, funny and entertaining. You will find happiness, you will break the spell and you will look back on these days and wonder why you worried so much. Guaranteed or your money back Thumbsup. Don't give up, don't do anything you would regret. Keep on keeping on.

Quote:Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. -JFK

TL;DR: I have gone through many of the same things you have and I know it gets better so keep on going.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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22-07-2015, 09:26 PM
RE: Never a good day anymore
If you give up, that's on you. There are plenty of folks here who have been down, one here in this thread is facing a mortal threat -- and still swing back. I will spare you my tale of hard times; no doubt it will read dreary and boring. But I survived them.

Life is what you make it. There are plenty of folks trying to help you, but all that help won't do a thing if you reject it, and that's pretty much what seems to be happening.

I hope you find it in yourself to come to a place where you can turn things around, I really do. But I don't see any point of trying to offer any more assistance to you, given your rejectionism. Sorry to speak the hard words here, but I don't see any point trying to help someone who seems to refuse every offer.

Peace be with you, brother.
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22-07-2015, 09:33 PM
RE: Never a good day anymore
I am hoping he is just deep in the hole right now. I will wait for him to start climbing back out - I have been down that hole before.

I am willing to allow the space and time needed.

That said - I miss you Clockwork and can't wait till you feel well enough to return.

Hugs.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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25-07-2015, 11:33 AM
RE: Never a good day anymore
(14-07-2015 01:37 PM)Clockwork Wrote:  There is something wrong with me. This I already know. I've fought mental health issues for most of my life. Lately I feel worse than I did when I had a breakdown years ago. That breakdown cost me more than I can explain. I even have some memory loss because of it.

My life is shit, plain and simple. Bad choices, bad situation, everything. I'm stuck in dead-end jobs because I don't qualify for anything else. I live in one of the poorest areas, so jobs are scarce.

Many say, go to college. I couldn't afford to finish college and still can't afford it. I've tried. Medical problems have wiped out my savings. I'll never be able to retire, I know that. I know as I get older it gets more and more difficult to find work. I stepped down from my position because the boss constantly curses at me, and I know that means even fewer hours now. But I just couldn't keep doing it.

I was the smart kid in school but didn't amount to anything. Lots of luck all the intelligence did for me.

I'm going to work in shit jobs until the day I die. I don't look forward to getting out of my 40s. I've stopped taking all my meds. I've been on so many psych meds and none do anything. I can't get therapy because I can't afford insurance. I don't want my blood pressure meds. I know the risks, even with family history of heart problems and strokes. If I have a heart attack or stroke, I don't want to make it out.

I'm sleeping less and less. When I had meds to help me sleep, even they stopped working. I toss & turn and am lucky if I get 4 hours.

I'm deep down exhausted. I am stuck where I am. I've tried so many times and keep getting beaten down farther each time. I have nothing and don't see how anything will change. I want to fall asleep and never wake up again.

I wish I could relate to this so that I could understand better. I have never experienced anything quite like what you are going though, therefore any advice I could give may actually be worthless.

As a child it was difficult for me. By the time I was 4 I was much more developed than normal kids. I was reading, writing, and doing creative things. I was born on a small island in a backward place, and lost my parents when I was 4. I moved in with relatives, and they confused my age, thinking I was 5 because of my maturity, and I ended up in Grade 1 at 4 years old back in the 1960s. By the time they realized the mistake, I had graduated from grade 1.

But that meant that I was always the youngest and smallest in my class. I got picked on a lot by the bigger kids, and learned to fight back. I was good in sports because I had to be, otherwise I would get picked on. Being smart became an embarrassment to me because other kids who were not as smart seemed to get all the attention.

It was lonely being me. Even today, with my entire family around me, I get lonely because I like to talk about things (history, science, etc) that no one else seems interested in.

But I cannot compare to what is happening to you. All I can do is reach out to you and say that I know that mental health issues most definitely require a far greater degree of respect from the medical community than what they currently receive.

It is my hope that things improve for you.

Thumbsup

How can anyone become an atheist when we are all born with no beliefs in the first place? We are atheists because we were born this way.
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25-07-2015, 12:38 PM
RE: Never a good day anymore
(22-07-2015 09:33 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I am hoping he is just deep in the hole right now. I will wait for him to start climbing back out - I have been down that hole before.

I am willing to allow the space and time needed.

That said - I miss you Clockwork and can't wait till you feel well enough to return.

Hugs.

i hear you. That reads pretty harsh, but I've been backed into a corner before ... to the point of contemplating suicide. Only my son kept me alive on those nights.

But no one can help without his permission.
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25-07-2015, 12:39 PM
RE: Never a good day anymore
I am sure it is hard to understand depression if you have never experienced it.

You can get to the point where you are unable to accept help, you don't believe help is even possible.

There are those of us here who have been that low before. I just want Clockwork to know that many of us have found our way out...that's not to say we don't find ourselves spiraling back down again. It's not a matter of not trying and not wanting help - it's part of the illness.

Severe depression isn't helped with a 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' line of thinking. That may help with a little sadness but not with real despair.

Clockwork - there are people here who understand - really, there are, and we care about you. Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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25-07-2015, 12:46 PM
RE: Never a good day anymore
I don't know if what I had was depression or not -- I never went for any diagnosis. But I certainly knew despair.

I'm not telling him to pull himself up by his bootstraps, either. I think getting some therapy, and asking for help from other sources, would be fantastic ideas. But they'll only work if he lets the possibility arise.
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