Never thought I'd be here...
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11-07-2014, 02:19 PM
RE: Never thought I'd be here...
I would do this very very slowly over a long period of time. Plant an innocuous little seed. Wait for a month or two to see if anything comes back. Plant another tiny, unimportant seed. And so on. People need to slowly absorb this and get used to it, you didn't wake up one morning and jump out of bed as a atheist either.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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11-07-2014, 06:38 PM
RE: Never thought I'd be here...
(10-07-2014 12:40 PM)Minimalist Wrote:  Good luck with all that.

I can't help you much. My wife thinks religion is bullshit about as much as I do. She just doesn't waste her time in internet forums!

Jumping up and screaming "God is bullshit" at a family barbeque will certainly get the message across.....but the reaction won't be pretty. People who are that wrapped up in fairy tales will treat your rejection of jesusism as a rejection of them, regardless of what you intend. That will not end well.

Likewise, continuing to play the jesus game seems like it will put too much stress on you emotionally. In effect you'd be living a lie. At some point you might snap and end up back at #1 anyway.

If you can stand it, move away slowly. Find excuses not to attend church ( back aches are always good for that.) Read some decent books on the subject to help you. One, The Bible Unearthed, is an archaeological discussion of why the OT is full of shit. But it has a very unthreatening cover and someone would have to pick it up and read a good bit of it to see where it is going.

Further, come here and talk to fellow atheists for a reality check.

Fuck your wife for having things all figured out.

No seriously.

Fuck your wife this weekend. She deserves it.

“It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.”
― Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes
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11-07-2014, 07:29 PM
RE: Never thought I'd be here...
(10-07-2014 12:25 PM)ShelbySeeker77 Wrote:  ...
How did you break the news?
...

(11-07-2014 02:19 PM)Dom Wrote:  I would do this very very slowly over a long period of time.
...

Dom has it right.

Allow her to come to the realisation that you have become 'unfaithful'.

Let her observe that the person she loves has changed belief rather than that a belief has changed the person she loves.

Good luck and yes, welcome aboard TTA.

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12-07-2014, 07:20 PM
RE: Never thought I'd be here...
(10-07-2014 12:25 PM)ShelbySeeker77 Wrote:  How did you break the news?
How did people react?
How did you deal with the hurt, or anger, that you faced?
Did those relationships ever get back to "normal"?

To my wife, I told her when I was having problems with faith. So, she knew I was struggling for quite some time. I don't remember how I actually told her once I fully stopped believing. I haven't really told our daughters yet (they're too young to understand). I told my parents when we told them we were switching from the church I grew up in to the one my wife did.

By in large, I got an okay reaction. My parents think I'm going through a phase, which is annoying, but at least we get along fine. My wife had a harder time with it at first, but she's doing better with it now. She'd still rather me be Christian, but she's a rather liberal Christian. She doesn't believe in hell. She believes when I die, I'll end up in heaven with a bit of egg on my face for having been wrong, and that will be that.

Most of my cousins and my wife's sisters don't believe, either, so I had some people I could talk to.

As for your situation, be careful how fast you jump into this. Have you talked to your family about atheism at all (not your atheism, but in general)? If so, what are their thoughts? This can give you a bit of a window into how they might react or how they will view you. As much as it sucks, it might not be feasible for you to come out. I'm glad I didn't have to go through with that.

Good luck!
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13-07-2014, 08:13 PM
RE: Never thought I'd be here...
There seems to be a pattern we go thro when we come to the realization that we are non believers. We seem to feel the need to disclose this to anyone who speaks of the bible or characters pertaining to it. In time this seems to settle down. We can still remain respectful of a person's beliefs but it doesn't mean we have to tell them how we feel. If asked, an easy way out is to say you don't discuss religion and politics. I like to think of my atheism as "my little secret".
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27-07-2014, 08:22 AM
RE: Never thought I'd be here...
(13-07-2014 08:13 PM)Takelababy Wrote:  There seems to be a pattern we go thro when we come to the realization that we are non believers. We seem to feel the need to disclose this to anyone who speaks of the bible or characters pertaining to it. In time this seems to settle down. We can still remain respectful of a person's beliefs but it doesn't mean we have to tell them how we feel. If asked, an easy way out is to say you don't discuss religion and politics. I like to think of my atheism as "my little secret".

You use the word "we" an awful lot. Is there a frog in your pocket?

I am absolutely not respectful of a ton of beliefs! Many of them are evil, silly, nasty, damaging, and downright ridiculous.

Easy way out??? Your little secret??? Are you an ostrich with your head in the sand with a frog in your pocket? By staying silent about the evil, damaging beliefs, you could be considered culpable in the propagation of them.
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27-07-2014, 08:34 AM
RE: Never thought I'd be here...
(27-07-2014 08:22 AM)CyberLN Wrote:  
(13-07-2014 08:13 PM)Takelababy Wrote:  There seems to be a pattern we go thro when we come to the realization that we are non believers. We seem to feel the need to disclose this to anyone who speaks of the bible or characters pertaining to it. In time this seems to settle down. We can still remain respectful of a person's beliefs but it doesn't mean we have to tell them how we feel. If asked, an easy way out is to say you don't discuss religion and politics. I like to think of my atheism as "my little secret".

You use the word "we" an awful lot. Is there a frog in your pocket?

I am absolutely not respectful of a ton of beliefs! Many of them are evil, silly, nasty, damaging, and downright ridiculous.

Easy way out??? Your little secret??? Are you an ostrich with your head in the sand with a frog in your pocket? By staying silent about the evil, damaging beliefs, you could be considered culpable in the propagation of them.

Are you aware of the poster's life? Do you know what coming out could cost them? Shut the FUCK up then.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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27-07-2014, 08:55 AM
RE: Never thought I'd be here...
(27-07-2014 08:22 AM)CyberLN Wrote:  
(13-07-2014 08:13 PM)Takelababy Wrote:  There seems to be a pattern we go thro when we come to the realization that we are non believers. We seem to feel the need to disclose this to anyone who speaks of the bible or characters pertaining to it. In time this seems to settle down. We can still remain respectful of a person's beliefs but it doesn't mean we have to tell them how we feel. If asked, an easy way out is to say you don't discuss religion and politics. I like to think of my atheism as "my little secret".

You use the word "we" an awful lot. Is there a frog in your pocket?

I am absolutely not respectful of a ton of beliefs! Many of them are evil, silly, nasty, damaging, and downright ridiculous.

Easy way out??? Your little secret??? Are you an ostrich with your head in the sand with a frog in your pocket? By staying silent about the evil, damaging beliefs, you could be considered culpable in the propagation of them.

Perhaps you were unaware of the rules for this section -

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See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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27-07-2014, 09:04 AM
RE: Never thought I'd be here...
(27-07-2014 08:34 AM)morondog Wrote:  
(27-07-2014 08:22 AM)CyberLN Wrote:  You use the word "we" an awful lot. Is there a frog in your pocket?

I am absolutely not respectful of a ton of beliefs! Many of them are evil, silly, nasty, damaging, and downright ridiculous.

Easy way out??? Your little secret??? Are you an ostrich with your head in the sand with a frog in your pocket? By staying silent about the evil, damaging beliefs, you could be considered culpable in the propagation of them.

Are you aware of the poster's life? Do you know what coming out could cost them? Shut the FUCK up then.

Wow. You're right. I consider myself smacked. I apologize for making assumptions about the poster's safety. That was wrong of me.

I do, however, stand by the comments about use of the word "we".
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27-07-2014, 12:36 PM (This post was last modified: 27-07-2014 12:43 PM by BlackMason.)
RE: Never thought I'd be here...
(10-07-2014 12:25 PM)ShelbySeeker77 Wrote:  After a long, confusing journey...I have recently abandoned my faith.

That sounds like the easy part compared to what I am facing now.

My wife is a Christian. So are my kids. And my parents. And my wife's parents. And 99% of our friends. And my co-workers (I live in Birmingham, Alabama).

If I "come out" as a non-believer, I am worried that it will damage, or even destroy, all of those relationships. I have a wonderful marriage, but my wife's faith plays a major role in her life (her father is a pastor).

I could really use some advice about how to approach these people, especially from people who have been in a similar situation.

How did you break the news?
How did people react?
How did you deal with the hurt, or anger, that you faced?
Did those relationships ever get back to "normal"?

I appreciate any help or advice I can get from this community.

Sincerely,
JS

I vote keeping it to yourself for as long as possible. You clearly have a lot to lose. Look you just don't believe in god anymore. Is this really worth a shout out? Perhaps but too much is at stake.

I stopped praying in August of 2012. There isn't much different other than I find myself a lot more frustrated. You see I have to fake believe. I go to church to keep the peace at home. Anything bad that would ever happened could be blamed on my atheism. So I just quietly tow the line. It sucks and it's not easy. Sometimes I challenge people to logically explain some mumbo jumbo. It almost always ends in a heated, emotion filled exchange.

I'd wait for signals from your wife. If she ever starts questioning things or starts being a little unsatisfied by the usual bull crap, you can perhaps kindle that fire by adding your affirmation of those sentiments. Her questioning is healthy. If she's far from that then the soil isn't right yet. Don't sow your seeds of doubt yet.

It's you against god. There is a high chance your wife will choose god.

I don't know how to answer how I've managed to deal with the hurt and pain. The short answer is slowly. I'm still dealing with it. When I was asking god to lead me and guide me through a rough time with a woman I was deeply in love with wasn't nice. It infuriates me to realise I was wasting my time.

8000 years before Jesus, the Egyptian god Horus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life."
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