Newly Divorced Atheist...
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24-09-2015, 12:56 PM
Newly Divorced Atheist...
(24-09-2015 12:01 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  I can understand two people who have been in a relationship a long time and views change working through it.

But why start a relationship with someone who you know it's going to be an issue with? I'll never understand.

Yes, I see that... Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part, but given her natural skepticism, reluctance to discuss her own spirituality and lack of church attendance, she has to have at least a few unconventional ideas of her own. What if she's in her own stage of denial? What if I could be her Sherpa to enlightenment?

It's obvious that we're going to have to have this conversation at some point. I've tried to and she shut me down. When she's ready, I will be honest and respectful with her. What happens then happens.

Where do you guys find other atheist to date? I've tried other message boards, dating apps and just hanging out, but so far, not had any luck. The dating app was the most pathetic thing I've seen in a while. I paid $2 for the app to find only 4 other members... Only 1 of which was female.... She lived clear across the continent! We are supposed to be the fasting growing demographic in the country but why is it so hard to find each other? I'm led to believe that this means that spirituality in a partner isn't a huge factor for people who think like us. 😕

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24-09-2015, 12:59 PM
RE: Newly Divorced Atheist...
I can see why you are conflicted. The sad truth is that there is no way to tell exactly where she is or where she will go with her religious beliefs. She may go nowhere and be simply not-religious, but spiritual, however since you just got burned (no pun intended) in a similar situation I can certainly understand your hesitation. I think you have to come clean with her about your beliefs. The longer you are in the relationship, the more you both will bond and develop feelings making it that much harder on both of you if your atheism is a deal breaker.
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25-09-2015, 07:22 AM
RE: Newly Divorced Atheist...
Many atheists are still in the closet. There are reasons I don't come out on social media, and I"m sure others face this problem.

We need to develop a secret handshake or wink or something.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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25-09-2015, 07:39 AM
RE: Newly Divorced Atheist...
Personally I think it's pretty damned obvious what her beliefs are.

However I just wanted to say hi. Smile

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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25-09-2015, 08:09 AM
Newly Divorced Atheist...
(25-09-2015 07:39 AM)Banjo Wrote:  Personally I think it's pretty damned obvious what her beliefs are.

However I just wanted to say hi. Smile

Hi!

I'd be interested in what you think based on what I've described. I think she may have some doubts, but is coming down on the safe side of Pascal's Wager. I think if I push too hard too soon, it could go the wrong way.

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27-09-2015, 05:40 AM
RE: Newly Divorced Atheist...
(24-09-2015 10:41 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  I would find a time when you are both just relaxing and calm and bring up the topic. Tell her you have been thinking it over and had some questions about it.

I would avoid the you are wrong/ I am right and just try to learn more about her position and she yours. More of a getting to know you session rather than a debate session.



as for your divorce, you are not alone here. I think there are quite a few members that have had the same thing happen - change from theist to atheist- and their marriages werent able to withstand the changes. There are a few members that their marriage is in that state of flux now and not sure where their relationships will be in the next year or so. and there are even a few married to believers and figured out how to make things work for them.

welcome to TTA, glad you decided to come out of lurkdom. Smile
Divorce sucks but bows and arrows is right you arnt on your own I also suspect that quite a few people here are either going through it or are in a state of flux, I'm one of them, just waiting for the divorce papers to drop through the letterbox is anxiety provoking. Hang tough bro, one bit of advice I would give is to actually avoid relationships while going through a divorce I didn't do that after my first marriage broke down and it made things more stressful plus there is the rebound factor to take into consideration. This time round I'm doing things differently and although stressful and difficult its definatly easier without the weight of a relationship to consider, of course it is different for everyone if having a girlfriend works for you that's great. All the best to you hope everything works out ok.
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27-09-2015, 05:45 AM
RE: Newly Divorced Atheist...
If you're recently divorced - what are you doing looking for more of the same trouble????

Slow learner????

Wink

Seriously though -- after any breakup you need to take a break -- and after 21 years -- a year or two wouldn't be unreasonable.

Too many people get into bad relationships for the wrong reasons -- frequently all stemming from the fear of being alone.

Get comfortable with yourself and your life before you invite someone in to share it.....

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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27-09-2015, 06:25 AM
RE: Newly Divorced Atheist...
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27-09-2015, 06:33 AM
RE: Newly Divorced Atheist...
Aargh. I hate it when the internet eats my posts. Anyway, I was attempting to answer the question, "Where do you find atheists to date?"

I found my husband, a fellow atheist, when we sat next to each other in a band. If I were single again, I would look for a musician first and atheist second, because music is where I need the most understanding and compatibility. But lots of musicians are atheists, so I'd probably be able to find someone who fit both requirements. If you have another area of interest in your life, some hobby or avocation or vocation, there is another place to look.

As a single, I dated some churchgoers, but none of them ever tried to pray with me or did anything as presumptuous/controlling as grabbing my hands and forcing me to participate in blessing a meal. If you feel you'd like a relationship with this woman, I think the atheism thing and your not wanting to participate in her religious rituals need to be discussed sooner rather than later.
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27-09-2015, 06:42 AM
Newly Divorced Atheist...
Yeah... This isn't going to work. We hung out yesterday and even though she has some unconventional views, she is a through and through theist. I'm not going to keep this going. I can't.

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