Newly deconverted and married to believer
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22-08-2013, 01:45 PM
Newly deconverted and married to believer
Hello. I am 37 and married to a wonderful man. When we married 4 years ago we were both Christians, altho I have had much more of a history of doubts, challenges to Christian dogma, agnosticism, etc. Finally this all culminated in me becoming aware a few weeks ago I could no longer call myself a Christian. I mulled over it for a few days and then had a talk with my husband and told him I no longer believe in God or the Bible, or in any organized religion. He was shocked and wasn't too thrilled. After about a week of back and forth and some tense moments he seems to have adjusted for the most part to the idea. I was very afraid at first that he would leave, I have some abandonment issues due to childhood experiences. I thought about it for a while and have come to the conclusion that if he wants to do that for those reasons, then he does not really love me and I do not need that type of relationship. I would be heartbroken, but I'd rather live divorced and honest than closeted and married. Any thoughts or experiences similar to mine?
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22-08-2013, 02:31 PM
RE: Newly deconverted and married to believer
(22-08-2013 01:45 PM)cmedina2997 Wrote:  come to the conclusion that if he wants to do that for those reasons, then he does not really love me and I do not need that type of relationship. I would be heartbroken, but I'd rather live divorced and honest than closeted and married.

Bravo! This way takes a lot of courage. I have no similar experience to relate, but I wish you luck Smile
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22-08-2013, 03:00 PM (This post was last modified: 22-08-2013 05:24 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Newly deconverted and married to believer
(22-08-2013 01:45 PM)cmedina2997 Wrote:  Any thoughts or experiences similar to mine?

Not really a similar experience but a similar situation I guess. I've been married to my Catholic high school sweetheart wife going on 30 years now. Everyone knew I was a heathen and an infidel when we got married: my wife, her family, my family, her friends, my friends, the Priest that married us, the Catholic Church that allowed the Priest to marry us. It's just never been an issue for us. I don't expect her to grok my metaphysics and she don't expect me to grok hers. Never been a problem. At this point some 30 years later, don't expect it ever will be. Smile

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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27-08-2013, 11:57 PM
RE: Newly deconverted and married to believer
(22-08-2013 01:45 PM)cmedina2997 Wrote:  Hello. I am 37 and married to a wonderful man. When we married 4 years ago we were both Christians, altho I have had much more of a history of doubts, challenges to Christian dogma, agnosticism, etc. Finally this all culminated in me becoming aware a few weeks ago I could no longer call myself a Christian. I mulled over it for a few days and then had a talk with my husband and told him I no longer believe in God or the Bible, or in any organized religion. He was shocked and wasn't too thrilled. After about a week of back and forth and some tense moments he seems to have adjusted for the most part to the idea. I was very afraid at first that he would leave, I have some abandonment issues due to childhood experiences. I thought about it for a while and have come to the conclusion that if he wants to do that for those reasons, then he does not really love me and I do not need that type of relationship. I would be heartbroken, but I'd rather live divorced and honest than closeted and married. Any thoughts or experiences similar to mine?

Not quite the same as yours, but similar. My wife is "sort of" Anglican - her parents are, she was raised that way, but never, ever goes to Church, the only member of her family is her extremely religious father. She knew I was an atheist virtually as we started going out - I wasn't going to lie. We're now married and have a daughter, and basically there have only been two things I've insisted on - the ceremony was secular, and our daughter wasn't (and isn't) getting christened.

Personally for me I think she's like many people - religious because everyone else is, especially parents or family. I'm hoping that she's close to giving up any kind of belief. I never indulge in a barrage of how much contempt I have for religion. But I do make sure there are always science documentaries on, and she's interested. Only recently she told me she wants to visit the Galapagos Islands. So I figure the more I can focus on the science, and the beauty of nature - especially how unlike religion we can explain it, the rest will slowly take care of itself.

I am similar though, if I was ever put under pressure to pretend I believed in god to stay married - I'd get divorced. Nothing is worth sacrificing your intellectual and personal freedom for.

All the best.
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28-08-2013, 12:08 AM
RE: Newly deconverted and married to believer
Good for you!!!

I do not have a similar experience - rather the inverse - but it sounds like your husband has come to grips with the crux of it and you two are working it out. I applaud your bravery and I wish you all the best!
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