No longer a Christian
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11-02-2013, 02:21 PM (This post was last modified: 11-02-2013 03:28 PM by Flowergurl.)
No longer a Christian
I guess it might do me good to write this out. There is no one I can really talk to about this and I have always been better at writing than talking, too. I had to take a break from this forum for a while because I was feeling very sad and anxious about this whole thing, and of course this change of belief had to come at the same time as all these other personal issues.

It actually just kills me to write this. But, better now, early in the year, than later. I am sure that everyone who leaves their religion or faith must feel like this. How could I have been so gullible? So narrowminded?

I have always questioned Christians' obessions of enforcing stupid gender roles on people, especially women. Of that I can at least be proud of.

Here's my Christianity story:

As a child I was always so in love with the idea of God and Jesus and going to Heaven. When I was 8, my aunt and uncle took my to sunday school at their church and my aunt said that if I love Jesus, I should ask him into my heart. I still recall it as this dramatic moment, I even heard music in my ears as I looked to the sky and asked him, in my head. My sister and I would watch the Jesus movie every often. It bugged my mom a bit. She actually used to think that Christians were nuts.

My parents became "saved" when I was 11. We all went to a United church as a family when I was 12. We switched to a Baptist church, since they believed more of what the Bible said about Jesus being the only way and the United church was getting a little liberal. Oh boy. The Baptist church. This one believed that women could not wear pants and women were discouraged from working. In fact, all the moms home schooled there. I was a tomboy at age 13 and had a lot of angst once I was enrolled in the church school and had to wear skirts whenever I was at the church - and cullottes (Yes, culottes) for gym class. I never fit in at that stupid church. My teen years when it came to friendship were absolute hell. The girls didn't like me because I came from a well to do family, listened to Christian rock music (hahaha) and wore pants everywhere but at church. I was too shy to talk to the boys, so I was a loner.

Oh, how I used to fume during every terrible message my old pastor used to preach about women who wanted to have a career just wanted to be like men. He also hated women who pursued athletics past anything leisurely. I would write stories of strong female characters just to negate everything the man said. It's amazing I held on to faith as long as I did with the bitchy church girls combined with the sexist doctrines of that church. But I really believed that they were just misinterpreting the Scriptures and that Jesus viewed me as an equal.

Fast forward to age 20. All of my "friends" were getting married or were already married. I was engaged to a guy that drove me up the wall and I finally broke it off. He begged me to go with him to speak to our pastor and this pastor told me that I should be focusing on the family as the rapture could happen soon. He knew my plan was to go further in school and to have a career and he told me that family is more important than that. Holy crap, I ran so far away from that Baptist church! To this day, I have to say that he gave me the worst advice possible for the type of person that I am.

Sadly, I went to another church where it was more liberal in the "tongues and faith healing and worship music" sense, but the pastor there was just as terrible when it came to women. I fell for a guy (Who I later found out was insane), but at the time I thought he was amazing and we eloped. Our pastor made us publicly apologize to the whole church. Ugh. From that point on, I was repeatedly discouraged by that pastor for pursuing a career. He constantly made reference to me starting a family. The worst thing ever was him telling my ex husband that I was in rebellion because I kept my last name. My last name! Sorry, but it's mine. Screw you, sexist pigs. But it didn't stop there. They prayed together that I would get impregnated against my will, because I made it very well known that I did not want kids. The last car ride I ever had with my ex was him almost crying, telling me that I had to stop taking birth control right away.

My "Christian" husband abused our pet cats and me, constantly did whatever he wanted, and we were clearly mis-matched even while we were dating. What can I say? I was a silly girl. Very gullible. Thank God we got a divorce and I left the church promptly.

After that, I would sort of flounder around to different churches, but I didn't want to commit. My parents disregard to this day what that pastor said to me and about me and they think I should be going back there. I started asking myself questions - for the first time. I was on my own and no one was telling me what to think or what to do. I suppose it is no surprise that not long after that, I did some research and there are just so many things that prove the Bible's error. I still cringe when I say that, but it's true.

It's been rough, thinking I had a "best friend" living in my heart all this time. Thinking there was someone there to catch me if I fell. But there isn't. I went through some depression around Christmas and I am just now coming to terms with this new agnosticism. It is empowering. I no longer feel that horrible, looming control that my parents and sister are still enslaved to. I pity them, but they wouldn't listen to me if I tried to explain them my side - even if I showed them every one of the hundreds of errors in the Bible, they would still blindly defend it.

But this is me now. An agnostic. I am not religious. I still have a respect for Jesus that will probably not go away, but I am confident that I am right. Those years of debates and arguments over women's roles, pro oil companies (huh?) and accusations against gay people, etc. were all for naught.
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11-02-2013, 02:48 PM
RE: No longer a Christian
(11-02-2013 02:21 PM)Flowergurl Wrote:  I guess it might do me good to write this out. There is no one I can really talk to about this and I have always been better at writing than talking, too. I had to take a break from this forum for a while because I was feeling very sad and anxious about this whole thing, and of course this change of belief had to come at the same time as all these other personal issues.

It actually just kills me to write this. But, better now, early in the year, than later. I am sure that everyone who leaves their religion or faith must feel like this. How could I have been so gullible? So narrowminded?

I have always questioned Christians' obessions of enforcing stupid gender roles on people, especially women. Of that I can at least be proud of.

Here's my Christianity story:

As a child I was always so in love with the idea of God and Jesus and going to Heaven. When I was 8, my aunt and uncle took my to sunday school at their church and my aunt said that if I love Jesus, I should ask him into my heart. I still recall it as this dramatic moment, I even heard music in my ears as I looked to the sky and asked him, in my head. My sister and I would watch the Jesus movie every often. It bugged my mom a bit. She actually used to think that Christians were nuts.

My parents became "saved" when I was 11. We all went to a United church as a family when I was 12. We switched to a Baptist church, since they believed more of what the Bible said about Jesus being the only way and the United church was getting a little liberal. Oh boy. The Baptist church. This one believed that women could not wear pants and women were discouraged from working. In fact, all the moms home schooled there. I was a tomboy at age 13 and had a lot of angst once I was enrolled in the church school and had to wear skirts whenever I was at the church - and cullottes (Yes, culottes) for gym class. I never fit in at that stupid church. My teen years when it came to friendship were absolute hell. The girls didn't like me because I came from a well to do family, listened to Christian rock music (hahaha) and wore pants everywhere but at church. I was too shy to talk to the boys, so I was a loner.

Oh, how I used to fume during every terrible message my old pastor used to preach about women who wanted to have a career just wanted to be like men. He also hated women who pursued athletics past anything leisurely. I would write stories of strong female characters just to negate everything the man said. It's amazing I held on to faith as long as I did with the bitchy church girls combined with the sexist doctrines of that church. But I really believed that they were just misinterpreting the Scriptures and that Jesus viewed me as an equal.

Fastforward to age 20. All of my friends were getting married or were already married. I was engaged to a guy that drove me up the wall and I finally broke it. He begged me to go with him to speak to our pastor and this pastor told me that I should be focusing on the family as the rapture could happen soon. He knew my plan was to go further in school and to have a career and he told me that family is more important than that. Holy crap, I ran so far away from that Baptist church! To this day, I have to say that he gave me the worst advice possible for the type of person that I am.

Sadly, I went to another church where it was more liberal in the "tongues and faith healing and worship music" sense, but the pastor there was just as terrible when it came to women. I fell for a guy (that I later found out was insane), but at the time I thought he was amazing and we eloped.Our pastor made us publicly apologize to the whole church. Ugh. From that point on, I was repeatedly discouraged by that pastor for purusing a career. He constantly made reference to me starting a family. The worst thing ever was him telling mu ex husband that I was in rebellion because I kept my last name. My last name! Sorry, but it's mine. Screw you, sexist pigs. But it didn't stop there. They prayed together that I would get impregnated against my will, because I made it very well known that I did not want kids.

My "Christian" husband abused our pet cats and me, constantly did whatever he wanted, and we were clearly mis matched. Thank God we got a divorce and I left the church promptly.

After that, I would sort of flounder around to different churches, but I didn't want to commit. My parents disregard to this day what that pastor said to me and about me and they think I should be going back there. I started asking myself questions - for the first time, I was on my own and no one was telling me what to think or what to do. I suppose it is no surprise that not long after that, I did some research and there are just so many things that prove the Bible's error. I still cringe when I say that, but it's true.

It's been rough, thinking I had a "best friend" living in my heart all this time. Thinking there was someone there to catch me if I fell. But there isn't. I went through some depression around Christmas and I am just now coming to terms with this new agnosticism. It is empowering. I no longer feel that horrible, looming control that my parents and sister are still enslaved to. I pity them, but they wouldn't listen to me if I tried to explain them my side - even if I showed them every one of the hundreds of errors in the Bible, they would still blindly defend it.

But this me now. An agnostic. I am not religious. I still have a respect for Jesus that will probably not go away, but I am confident that I am right. Those years of debates and arguments over women's roles and accusations against gay people, etc. were all for naught.
Thank you for that heartfelt account.


OK, you have a 'respect for Jesus', but what does that mean? Do you believe in God? Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?
Or do you not have any clear belief?

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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11-02-2013, 02:50 PM
RE: No longer a Christian
Yes. I am curious about the "respect for jesus" part as well
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11-02-2013, 03:21 PM
RE: No longer a Christian
(11-02-2013 02:48 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(11-02-2013 02:21 PM)Flowergurl Wrote:  I guess it might do me good to write this out. There is no one I can really talk to about this and I have always been better at writing than talking, too. I had to take a break from this forum for a while because I was feeling very sad and anxious about this whole thing, and of course this change of belief had to come at the same time as all these other personal issues.

It actually just kills me to write this. But, better now, early in the year, than later. I am sure that everyone who leaves their religion or faith must feel like this. How could I have been so gullible? So narrowminded?

I have always questioned Christians' obessions of enforcing stupid gender roles on people, especially women. Of that I can at least be proud of.

Here's my Christianity story:

As a child I was always so in love with the idea of God and Jesus and going to Heaven. When I was 8, my aunt and uncle took my to sunday school at their church and my aunt said that if I love Jesus, I should ask him into my heart. I still recall it as this dramatic moment, I even heard music in my ears as I looked to the sky and asked him, in my head. My sister and I would watch the Jesus movie every often. It bugged my mom a bit. She actually used to think that Christians were nuts.

My parents became "saved" when I was 11. We all went to a United church as a family when I was 12. We switched to a Baptist church, since they believed more of what the Bible said about Jesus being the only way and the United church was getting a little liberal. Oh boy. The Baptist church. This one believed that women could not wear pants and women were discouraged from working. In fact, all the moms home schooled there. I was a tomboy at age 13 and had a lot of angst once I was enrolled in the church school and had to wear skirts whenever I was at the church - and cullottes (Yes, culottes) for gym class. I never fit in at that stupid church. My teen years when it came to friendship were absolute hell. The girls didn't like me because I came from a well to do family, listened to Christian rock music (hahaha) and wore pants everywhere but at church. I was too shy to talk to the boys, so I was a loner.

Oh, how I used to fume during every terrible message my old pastor used to preach about women who wanted to have a career just wanted to be like men. He also hated women who pursued athletics past anything leisurely. I would write stories of strong female characters just to negate everything the man said. It's amazing I held on to faith as long as I did with the bitchy church girls combined with the sexist doctrines of that church. But I really believed that they were just misinterpreting the Scriptures and that Jesus viewed me as an equal.

Fastforward to age 20. All of my friends were getting married or were already married. I was engaged to a guy that drove me up the wall and I finally broke it. He begged me to go with him to speak to our pastor and this pastor told me that I should be focusing on the family as the rapture could happen soon. He knew my plan was to go further in school and to have a career and he told me that family is more important than that. Holy crap, I ran so far away from that Baptist church! To this day, I have to say that he gave me the worst advice possible for the type of person that I am.

Sadly, I went to another church where it was more liberal in the "tongues and faith healing and worship music" sense, but the pastor there was just as terrible when it came to women. I fell for a guy (that I later found out was insane), but at the time I thought he was amazing and we eloped.Our pastor made us publicly apologize to the whole church. Ugh. From that point on, I was repeatedly discouraged by that pastor for purusing a career. He constantly made reference to me starting a family. The worst thing ever was him telling mu ex husband that I was in rebellion because I kept my last name. My last name! Sorry, but it's mine. Screw you, sexist pigs. But it didn't stop there. They prayed together that I would get impregnated against my will, becauseI made it very well known that I did not want kids.

My "Christian" husband abused our pet cats and me, constantly did whatever he wanted, and we were clearly mis matched. Thank God we got a divorce and I left the church promptly.

After that, I would sort of flounder around to different churches, but I didn't want to commit. My parents disregard to this day what that pastor said to me and about me and they think I should be going back there. I started asking myself questions - for the first time, I was on my own and no one was telling me what to think or what to do. I suppose it is no surprise that not long after that, I did some research and there are just so many things that prove the Bible's error. I still cringe when I say that, but it's true.

It's been rough, thinking I had a "best friend" living in my heart all this time. Thinking there was someone there to catch me if I fell. But there isn't. I went through some depression around Christmas and I am just now coming to terms with this new agnosticism. It is empowering. I no longer feel that horrible, looming control that my parents and sister are still enslaved to. I pity them, but they wouldn't listen to me if I tried to explain them my side - even if I showed them every one of the hundreds of errors in the Bible, they would still blindly defend it.

But this me now. An agnostic. I am not religious. I still have a respect for Jesus that will probably not go away, but I am confident that I am right. Those years of debates and arguments over women's roles and accusations against gay people, etc. were all for naught.
Thank you for that heartfelt account.


OK, you have a 'respect for Jesus', but what does that mean? Do you believe in God? Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?
Or do you not have any clear belief?

I suppose that I respect some of his teachings. Some of them were very profound. In an era where different religious sects and nationalities showed animosity to others that were not like them, he definitely offered the world a different perspective.
I can't say that there is a God, but I also can't say that there isn't. I would always be willing to accept solid evidence, but of course no one has ever been able to show me that, so for now I'm quite certain that there isn't. That's why I'd say I am agnostic as opposed to atheist.
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11-02-2013, 03:27 PM
RE: No longer a Christian
Thank you for sharing- it does help to write out your story. I did the same when I first came here and I felt like it helped me. Smile

(11-02-2013 03:21 PM)Flowergurl Wrote:  
(11-02-2013 02:48 PM)Chas Wrote:  Thank you for that heartfelt account.


OK, you have a 'respect for Jesus', but what does that mean? Do you believe in God? Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?
Or do you not have any clear belief?

I suppose that I respect some of his teachings. Some of them were very profound. In an era where different religious sects and nationalities showed animosity to others that were not like them, he definitely offered the world a different perspective.
I can't say that there is a God, but I also can't say that there isn't. I would always be willing to accept solid evidence, but of course no one has ever been able to show me that, so for now I'm quite certain that there isn't. That's why I'd say I am agnostic as opposed to atheist.

You're free to use whichever labels you want- but it sounds as though you're an atheist. An agnostic-atheist doesn't believe in god and doesn't state with certainty that there is not a god. Simply that there is no evidence in support of a god and so there is no apparent point to believing in one.
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11-02-2013, 03:30 PM
RE: No longer a Christian
(11-02-2013 03:27 PM)kineo Wrote:  Thank you for sharing- it does help to write out your story. I did the same when I first came here and I felt like it helped me. Smile

(11-02-2013 03:21 PM)Flowergurl Wrote:  I suppose that I respect some of his teachings. Some of them were very profound. In an era where different religious sects and nationalities showed animosity to others that were not like them, he definitely offered the world a different perspective.
I can't say that there is a God, but I also can't say that there isn't. I would always be willing to accept solid evidence, but of course no one has ever been able to show me that, so for now I'm quite certain that there isn't. That's why I'd say I am agnostic as opposed to atheist.

You're free to use whichever labels you want- but it sounds as though you're an atheist. An agnostic-atheist doesn't believe in god and doesn't state with certainty that there is not a god. Simply that there is no evidence in support of a god and so there is no apparent point to believing in one.
Aha! So maybe I had my labels wrong. I think agnostic atheist would best describe me then, since the agnostic element still leaves a small opening since they say that they can't prove there is no God.
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11-02-2013, 04:18 PM
RE: No longer a Christian
Hi there and welcome!
Re. your comment about Jesus, I can't resist showing you this.
This is the first of 7 videos on the topic, you'll find the others when you clcik through here to youtube.



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11-02-2013, 09:26 PM
RE: No longer a Christian
Thanks for sharing those. Very interesting.
Another weird thing. My last pastor told me that if I left the church and didn't make every effort to get right with God, I would eventually blaspheme the holy spirit. I was so upset and I angrily shook my head and said that would never happen. It is interesting how even he knew that I might not stay Christian after finally being freed.
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12-02-2013, 03:48 AM
RE: No longer a Christian
(11-02-2013 03:30 PM)Flowergurl Wrote:  
(11-02-2013 03:27 PM)kineo Wrote:  Thank you for sharing- it does help to write out your story. I did the same when I first came here and I felt like it helped me. Smile


You're free to use whichever labels you want- but it sounds as though you're an atheist. An agnostic-atheist doesn't believe in god and doesn't state with certainty that there is not a god. Simply that there is no evidence in support of a god and so there is no apparent point to believing in one.
Aha! So maybe I had my labels wrong. I think agnostic atheist would best describe me then, since the agnostic element still leaves a small opening since they say that they can't prove there is no God.
You will find that the overwhelming majority of atheists are actually agnostic-atheists as well. "Atheist" is just easier to type and say.

Congratulations on your deconversion by the by! Big Grin

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12-02-2013, 04:05 AM
RE: No longer a Christian
Grats Smile
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