No such thing as happy memories.
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15-10-2012, 02:55 PM
No such thing as happy memories.
Last Friday I returned to my old primary school to help out, for my work experience( this year in school we have to work in different places to get 'experience in work'). For the whole day all I could think about were the fond memories I had there. My primary school days were the best ever when I look back on them. I saw all my good friends every day, things were much more fun and laid back, and school was generally so much better. The castle in the playground where everyone would compete to try and be the king of the castle, the old seat I used to sit in, the court we would play soccer in, and the safe zones playing catch (tag), it all came back. But rather than smiling and thinking of those good times, like what most people seem to do when they think of 'happy memories', I actually started to feel really down. All I could think about was how much I missed them.

Recently I was rooting through the PS2 games, and I came across Ratchet and Clank 1 and 2, my most favourite and memorable games of all time. I haven't played them in years. I immediately began remembering those awesome times I had playing the games, and especially with my bro and friends. But again, I started to feel sad.

I have realized that memories are nothing but pain to me. Bad memories, are obviously bad and I hate remembering them. Good memories are also terrible, all I think about is how much I miss them. This seems to be the case with everything. I simply cannot look back at something and be happy as I remember the time. It seems that the only way for me to be happy is to experience the present, and look forward to the future.

I have found that looking forward to something, seems to bring more joy that the actual thing itself. I noticed this when I tried to get minecraft on my computer, but was unable to. I spent weeks watching videos on the internet of minecraft, and it was so entertaining watching it, and thinking about all the things I could do IF I had the game. When I finally got the game, it was awesome for a while, but right now its sort of gone stale on me, or at least it was nothing like it was at the start, and how I imagined it to be.

It's basically like Christmas. The build up to the day is twice as good as the actual day itself.

Anyone else like this?
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15-10-2012, 03:04 PM
RE: No such thing as happy memories.
The past? FUCK THAT! Don't dwell on it, that is how people end up forming regrets... I have done some stupid shit, some bad shit and some rather evil shit, but I try not to think about it. I just wake up each day and say "right, what the hell shall I do today?".

But, I have no problem thinking about the good stuff, unlike you it seems. Tongue

I do remember my weeks work experience though... It was in HMV. I just sat in the staff room and played Urban Chaos: Riot Response all week... that was good fun. Smile

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15-10-2012, 03:48 PM
RE: No such thing as happy memories.
Sure those memories are happy. You said so yourself.

What you're describing is "nostalgia". Some quick definitions from the web:
A sentimental longing for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.
A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
The condition of being homesick; homesickness.

Everyone experiences this. That's why we have a word for it.

So, don't focus on the "bittersweet" sensation, the longing, the regret that those days are over. Just focus on the memories. Smile, laugh, find someone from those times or places and tell stories and share the fond memories. Make it a good experience.

Consider that no matter how great the "good old days" seem to be, it's a fact of psychology that we selectively remember the good and forget about the bad, so our happy memories just get better and better as the years go by and our brains modify those memories. (we do the same thing in reverse for bad memories, making them worse as time goes by, assuming we don't just block them entirely). So those memories seem really great today, but probably weren't quite as great, then, as you remember them now.

And finally, never forget that you will have good times now, and in the future, and those good times will be just as good (give or take a bit) as the past ones (as they actually were, not necessarily as you have "enhanced" the memories).

In short, remember the good, laugh about it, enjoy the memories, but don't dwell on the loss of the good times because you'll have plenty more, just as good, throughout your life.

My recipe for sanity.

QED

"Whores perform the same function as priests, but far more thoroughly." - Robert A. Heinlein
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15-10-2012, 04:05 PM
RE: No such thing as happy memories.
(15-10-2012 03:48 PM)Aseptic Skeptic Wrote:  Sure those memories are happy. You said so yourself.

What you're describing is "nostalgia". Some quick definitions from the web:
A sentimental longing for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.
A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
The condition of being homesick; homesickness.

Everyone experiences this. That's why we have a word for it.

So, don't focus on the "bittersweet" sensation, the longing, the regret that those days are over. Just focus on the memories. Smile, laugh, find someone from those times or places and tell stories and share the fond memories. Make it a good experience.

Consider that no matter how great the "good old days" seem to be, it's a fact of psychology that we selectively remember the good and forget about the bad, so our happy memories just get better and better as the years go by and our brains modify those memories. (we do the same thing in reverse for bad memories, making them worse as time goes by, assuming we don't just block them entirely). So those memories seem really great today, but probably weren't quite as great, then, as you remember them now.

And finally, never forget that you will have good times now, and in the future, and those good times will be just as good (give or take a bit) as the past ones (as they actually were, not necessarily as you have "enhanced" the memories).

In short, remember the good, laugh about it, enjoy the memories, but don't dwell on the loss of the good times because you'll have plenty more, just as good, throughout your life.

My recipe for sanity.

QED

Thank you for that awesome post.
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15-10-2012, 05:40 PM
RE: No such thing as happy memories.
Is there really nothing you can look back on and smile? Even with my shitty childhood there are still some fond memories.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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16-10-2012, 10:22 AM
RE: No such thing as happy memories.
(15-10-2012 05:40 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Is there really nothing you can look back on and smile? Even with my shitty childhood there are still some fond memories.

I do like back and smile, but I instantly begin to feel how much I miss it. Which completely turns around something which is supposed to be happy, into something which is sad.
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16-10-2012, 10:32 AM
RE: No such thing as happy memories.
I have many wonderful happy memories of grade school, when I was back there. A few not so much. (There was an overwhelming odor of "bleach" from the janitor's water, used in the halls, which reminds me of when kids used to throw up. Weeping ), and my utter "powerlessness" at that age.
But how about this -> As you experience great happy times, you also can look back and experience the *difference* . Not only the "happy" time itself, but you recognize that you have changed and progressed, and THAT alone, is ANOTHER reason to be happy. It's happy^2. "Happy squared" ?

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein Certified Ancient Astronaut Theorist
Isaiah 45:7 "I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things" (KJV)

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16-10-2012, 12:05 PM
RE: No such thing as happy memories.
Don't dwell like that. Keep the happy memories as they are.

My favorite place to be was at my grandparents' farm. The cows, pigs, dogs, cats, chickens, all the buildings to explore, the timber to walk through, tractors to drive or ride on, and just being there felt safe. There are a lot of little things about that farm that make me smile. It was sad to go back a couple years ago and almost all those things are gone, the farm isn't even in the family anymore. But I could look up into the timber where grandma and I looked for mushrooms and berries. The quarries where we would have a picnic. I can imagine the flowers grandma used to have and the laundry on the line in the yard. I could look out across the fields where grandpa used to take me on the tractor when he checked his crops, his livestock, or checked the fences.

Those things are all physically gone but in my mind are as wonderful as they were then. Life moves along, things change, people die and new ones are born.

Keep the happy and a touch of the bittersweet but don't make it a loss...it's a memory, a good one.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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16-10-2012, 12:19 PM
RE: No such thing as happy memories.
(16-10-2012 10:32 AM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  I have many wonderful happy memories of grade school, when I was back there. A few not so much. (There was an overwhelming odor of "bleach" from the janitor's water, used in the halls, which reminds me of when kids used to throw up. Weeping ), and my utter "powerlessness" at that age.
But how about this -> As you experience great happy times, you also can look back and experience the *difference* . Not only the "happy" time itself, but you recognize that you have changed and progressed, and THAT alone, is ANOTHER reason to be happy. It's happy^2. "Happy squared" ?

I think that maybe the reason I feel like is this because things are worse in my current school. Secondary school is a lot more stricter, the school is a dump, but most of all, my good friends don't go there. I have to put up with and be 'friends' with people that I don't really like very much just to get along. Maybe I feel sad when I think of my old school because I realize what I had then, but what I don't have now.
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16-10-2012, 12:44 PM
RE: No such thing as happy memories.
(16-10-2012 12:19 PM)Magoo Wrote:  
(16-10-2012 10:32 AM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  I have many wonderful happy memories of grade school, when I was back there. A few not so much. (There was an overwhelming odor of "bleach" from the janitor's water, used in the halls, which reminds me of when kids used to throw up. Weeping ), and my utter "powerlessness" at that age.
But how about this -> As you experience great happy times, you also can look back and experience the *difference* . Not only the "happy" time itself, but you recognize that you have changed and progressed, and THAT alone, is ANOTHER reason to be happy. It's happy^2. "Happy squared" ?

I think that maybe the reason I feel like is this because things are worse in my current school. Secondary school is a lot more stricter, the school is a dump, but most of all, my good friends don't go there. I have to put up with and be 'friends' with people that I don't really like very much just to get along. Maybe I feel sad when I think of my old school because I realize what I had then, but what I don't have now.

Yup. But that will change. "It gets better"... even a LOT better. I understand that feeling of the "apartness" of a present place from an older one that was so much better. But partly that's just "the way life is", in the sense change is inevitable, but also just as you now experience disappointment in your "present place", you will experience "apartness" in the future IN A BETTER place from the present place. One of the MOST important things for me, in your place was to have a real life OUTSIDE school. I was involved in stuff that had NOTHING to do with school, and it makes you realize there's a big world out there that has nothing to do with all the stupid crap going on in your little stupid school. Find ONE thing to focus on that you love, that has NOTHING to do with school. (Mine was music).

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein Certified Ancient Astronaut Theorist
Isaiah 45:7 "I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things" (KJV)

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