Non-indoctrinated will hardly understand
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16-05-2014, 12:52 PM
Non-indoctrinated will hardly understand
My wife, my brother and my best friend are the only 3 people in my life that don't think I'm crazy. They are atheists too but they were never indoctrinated, they are atheist by default. Me, I joined a youth group when I was 13 and that is also when I started reading the bible, Now I'm 30 and have been an atheist for 2 years more or less.

When I was a theist, other than the so many times repeated ''If there is a god why do children die of starvation'' argument, these 3 people rarely attacked my beliefs. They knew nothing about god,they never talked about religion and they didn't need to know about science to reject faith.

I've always felt a need to know stuff, like a fascination for knowledge about anything. I know way too much about religion and was sort of a decent apologetic( At least I thought so) and that is why when I became an atheist I also became an enemy to them. Not just some random atheist, but a former ''Super-Theist''. You all know how dangerous that can be for religion.
Anyway, as an atheist I have a good argument for whatever bullshit christians may spit, that I think got my brother and my best friend a little interested in the subject. I was not only finally an atheist like them, but also an atheist who knows about theology and science(at least more than them). I guess they saw that religion is actually an interesting subject. I preached atheism to them and they looked up to me Thumbsup They now have an idea of how freaking crazy believers can be and are somewhat militant atheist in a fun way. They are willing to engage in the debate but don't take it so personal as myself.

It is a relief to have them in my life because they make me feel good of being right and I can always have a good time with them laughing at the crazy religious world and their crazy claims.

THE SAD THING is... for them it is just fun, they will listen to any joke and are happy to see me debate with mormons or jahowa's wittness.

But we the deconverted know that before we could laugh at religion we had to struggle a lot. I could write and write for hours and hours about the sad long proccess of deconverting but I could never tell them because they wouldn't believe me.
Specially my wife, she supports me and listens to me, most of the time quiet but every know and then she will ask a question about my atheism. Sometimes those talks give me the freedom to open up and not disguise everything I say as a joke.
At some point on those conversations she stops me to say stuff like ''no way!'' ''come on!'' ''you're just being dramatic!'' ''it can't be that bad.''

After many times of trying to speak freely about what I had to go through to get to where I'm at right now, I've come to the conclusion that it is just too damn hard for a normal person to understand how religion can really fuck you up at least for a while.

Normal people just don't believe the crazy shit we do as believers and how faith can govern not only your mind but your life! My wife doesn't mean harm, she supports me the best she can but it really just sounds all too crazy for her, one example is when I told her I used to get so sad when I went to mass and couldn't eat from the body of christ because I hadn't confessed my sins to a priest. Or that I used to get so angry when I knew someone was in sin and still be cynical enough to stand up and comulgate!!!!Angry She goes like ''WHATTTT???!!!'' ''Ya ahora si te pasaste Netninja'' Which is something like:: ''now that is just too much''

My point is, Despite being a glass half full kind of guy, changing such a belief system can be really deppressing, mind altering and emotionally hurting. I've never told my full deconversion story to any of my 3 willing to listen people because emotions still linger and if I fully open myself up it can get really sad and the last thing I need is someone laughing at me on my most vulnerable moment.
I try to explain how not everyone is a moderate believer and that it is possible to fall madly in love with something that doesn't exhist but I guess my 3 loved ones are just too over-skeptic atheist.

I'd like to tell my full story at least once and let it all out. I want to say it all and cry not because I'm sad, but because after all the shit they put in my brain I am finally free! Free in a way I didn't even know I could be. Free of the mental oppression I didn't know I was in.
I want someone to understand I was unhappy without knowing it and that I felt badder than I really was.



...Or perhaps I was actually crazy and not even the pope gets so intense on his faith.
BTW The pope is gay(no offense gays) and making the world safer for pedophiles Tongue

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
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16-05-2014, 02:29 PM
RE: Non-indoctrinated will hardly understand
Thanks for your story.

A few things spring to mind:

1. I don't know why but I was slightly disgruntled at being called 'normal'. I'll have to ponder on that.

2. In this Personal Issues and Support section, it is usual (normal?) to state what kinda help you are asking for. That being missing, I'll have to guess that it's empathy you are after.
I'd love to offer it but I'm a 'normal' so I'll leave that for others.

3. Your writing above might be the catharsis you are looking for.
I felt some of your pain as I read your words.
Have you considered writing about your journey?
Even if it's not intended for publication and just for emotional release, I think the process might be valuable for you.

Perhaps you could write it and post here.

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16-05-2014, 02:39 PM
RE: Non-indoctrinated will hardly understand
(16-05-2014 12:52 PM)netninja Wrote:  THE SAD THING is... for them it is just fun, they will listen to any joke and are happy to see me debate with mormons or jahowa's wittness.

But we the deconverted know that before we could laugh at religion we had to struggle a lot. I could write and write for hours and hours about the sad long proccess of deconverting but I could never tell them because they wouldn't believe me.
Specially my wife, she supports me and listens to me, most of the time quiet but every know and then she will ask a question about my atheism. Sometimes those talks give me the freedom to open up and not disguise everything I say as a joke. At some point on those conversations she stops me to say stuff like ''no way!'' ''come on!'' ''you're just being dramatic!'' ''it can't be that bad.''

After many times of trying to speak freely about what I had to go through to get to where I'm at right now, I've come to the conclusion that it is just too damn hard for a normal person to understand how religion can really fuck you up at least for a while.

Normal people just don't believe the crazy shit we do as believers and how faith can govern not only your mind but your life! My wife doesn't mean harm, she supports me the best she can but it really just sounds all too crazy for her

Your experience certainly sounds familiar to me. The scars and emotional damage from religion run deep in myself, and my mom, another atheist I know, and the stories of several other members on this board. However, I find that people who were raised with "religion lite", where it was mostly dabbled in and given lip service, but not really fundamentally incorporated into every aspect of life as literal truth, simply can't emotionally connect with the experience, because it is so foreign to them.

Jesus is my Stalker: He has graced me with his unconditional love, but if I reject it and refuse to love him in return, he will make my life Hell.
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16-05-2014, 02:39 PM (This post was last modified: 16-05-2014 02:44 PM by Charis.)
RE: Non-indoctrinated will hardly understand
I was the go-to person in church for information.... well, for the women at least. I was another apologist, which was difficult, because I'm a woman, so I had to restrict my apologetics to facebook, street evangelism, debates and the like. Never was I to "teach over a man" in the church.

Now I'm an atheist, but only for the past couple of months. Most of them (religious friends and acquaintances) don't know. Pretty sure they'd be a little frightened. lol

Thank you for joining. It's nice to meet others who were that deep into it and got out. I'm not going into my story here, though. There are also some other former Catholics and LDS people around here.

A person very dear to me was badly hurt through a misunderstanding and miscommunication. For this, I am sorry, and he knows it. That said, any blaming me for malicious intent is for the birds. I will not wear some scarlet letter, I will not be anybody's whipping girl, and I will not lurk in silence.
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16-05-2014, 08:34 PM
RE: Non-indoctrinated will hardly understand
I just posted here recently about the dogma still nagging at the back of my mind!

Being indoctrinated to the max, I still vividly remember typing "bible contradictions" into the google search bar, the first time. I paused with my finger over the enter button, for a few seconds. You probably understand when I say that I was certain, the roof was about to cave in on me. Shocking

So, I understand and know exactly where your coming from!! Like me, you probably have a lot of emotional/religious puking left to do. I'm counteracting it by reading and studying. I've read a couple books from former christians who are now atheists, and I just ordered the God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.

And, even though we all learned science in school, as christians, we disregarded anything that went against the bible. Rolleyes So, I am delving into science once again, but with no restrictions, this time around.

It does get easier over time. So puke away, you'll feel much better for it.

It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. ~Mark Twain
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20-05-2014, 08:23 AM
RE: Non-indoctrinated will hardly understand
I understand, man.

Indoctrination sucks. There's things you want to shake off but you just can't, because they've been pounded in so hard that they're reflexive.

Laughing at religion or being able to criticize it took me a LONG time to get used to after my deconversion, because you still have that twitch-reflex of WHOA THIS IS BLASPHEMY I COULD GO TO HELL etc. etc.

It gets easier though, and it sounds like you've got some good support around you.

Hope it all gets easier!
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20-05-2014, 08:31 AM
RE: Non-indoctrinated will hardly understand
(16-05-2014 12:52 PM)netninja Wrote:  I'd like to tell my full story at least once and let it all out. I want to say it all and cry not because I'm sad, but because after all the shit they put in my brain I am finally free! Free in a way I didn't even know I could be. Free of the mental oppression I didn't know I was in.
I want someone to understand I was unhappy without knowing it and that I felt badder than I really was.

Have you considered writing a blog to get your full story out?
Also, there is a recovering from religion section here on TTA with many other people who have felt the way that you do.
Lastly, you might want to give counseling a try. If nothing else, they can teach you some coping strategies for dealing with all the emotions when you come across a trigger.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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