Not Really Here, But Not Gone
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05-05-2012, 08:55 AM
Not Really Here, But Not Gone
Just wanted to let everyone know I am still around, somewhat.


Had a death in the family over the week. It has hit the hubby, my oldest, and I rather hard. Youngest is too young to grasp much. Going to funeral here in a few. So if I seem to be on a short fuse, least now everyone will know why.


Hope to be talking to all of you soon....if I can get myself back into the world of the living.

A man's greatest pitfall is none other than himself. For only he can dig himself a hole he cannot get out of.
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05-05-2012, 09:01 AM
RE: Not Really Here, But Not Gone
Sorry for your loss.

Death is a hard subject to deal with, and I don't envy your position. I hope you and your family get through it as well as possible. It's usually helpful to be there for one another as much as possible, though I'm sure you know that. In times of grief it can be hard to be there for other people though. Take solace in the fact that you all still have one another. To love and hold.

Also if you need anyone to talk to outside of your usual circle, feel free to come here. There's always someone to talk to.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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05-05-2012, 09:09 AM
RE: Not Really Here, But Not Gone
Thanks Ludacris. It was my husband's grandmother. A really sweet old lady. Have had a hard time with the whole grieving thing as his family is not really...well embracing of me. More or less feel sort of like the sad monkey in the middle. Or more accurately the third wheel. Put on a straight face and keep tears for when I am at home. Otherwise, they very well may never come out. Been torn between anger and tears. Have not felt like that in a long time.... appreciate the offer. May find myself yacking a bit here. Do not want a pity party...but could use somewhere to go. Hubby's family is just in a word....chaos.

A man's greatest pitfall is none other than himself. For only he can dig himself a hole he cannot get out of.
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05-05-2012, 09:21 AM
RE: Not Really Here, But Not Gone
Yeah everything will be nuts for a while until everyone finds their bearings.

If the family doesn't really accept you it's not likely to be your fault. People develop preconceived notions of what things should be and have a hard time accepting anything outside of that. Not much to do about it. And it's not really your problem to fix. Just be yourself and love your husband as much as he deserves.

It's hard not to get angry when people aren't being fair, especially when it concerns you. It's also usually perfectly reasonable to let out that anger. Of course you find yourself in one of those grin and bear it circumstances. Feel free to get the anger out here as much as you can. I won't tell. Smile

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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05-05-2012, 09:22 AM
RE: Not Really Here, But Not Gone
I am sorry for the loss...I hope you are able to find comfort along the way.

Unfortunately, with chaotic families, situations like this often bring out the worst in people...just know that going in, grit your teeth and do an internal scream when you need to. Don't deny yourself the right to take some "me" time to breathe and calm yourself.

And realize that when people are going through things like this...they often say really stupid and/or hurtful things that just need to be chalked up to the fact that they aren't thinking straight.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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05-05-2012, 10:25 AM
RE: Not Really Here, But Not Gone
(05-05-2012 08:55 AM)AnotherSinner Wrote:  Just wanted to let everyone know I am still around, somewhat.


Had a death in the family over the week. It has hit the hubby, my oldest, and I rather hard. Youngest is too young to grasp much. Going to funeral here in a few. So if I seem to be on a short fuse, least now everyone will know why.


Hope to be talking to all of you soon....if I can get myself back into the world of the living.

I'm sorry to hear that.

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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05-05-2012, 12:36 PM
RE: Not Really Here, But Not Gone
Sorry to hear about your loss. Grandmothers can be pretty special, it sounds like she was one of those. Try to take things day by day for now.
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05-05-2012, 01:04 PM
RE: Not Really Here, But Not Gone
Ugh. Funerals are notorious for misplaced anger... and chaos always makes everything more difficult to endure. Like you said; best to let a lot of things slide and process grief in a safer, more comfortable atmosphere. Why add to that chaos? Hope everything goes ok and you get some time to chill this weekend.

It's sad you've lost your Grammy; it's a good thing you and your family got to be around her as much as you were- that kind of knowledge is invaluable. Luckily, you'll be able to share some great memories. I often think the world could use a few more sweet little old ladies.

Heart The forum is a good place to come to clear the head in any way you need to... feel free.

Try to keep stresses at a distance and stay healthy.
Take care. Shy

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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05-05-2012, 01:25 PM
RE: Not Really Here, But Not Gone
The practice of grieving has been done mostly solo. My husband's family has such animosity that anyone who was married in and not of extreme wealth more or less gets uprooted. Found this out the hard way. Put a condolence for the family online...and even wrote a poem. Got deleted by family. Those same family members scoffed at those of us who had no money to put toward the flowers, or could not give as much as they did.... Then I do not think anything would be enough. We provided about 30 to 40 helpings of spaghetti and bread sticks... courtesy of my husband's work place. Not so much as a thank you or any help offered when the food was brought and those was some heavy trays.

It is scary....it is like being in a den of wolves or buzzards...maybe even vultures swarming over the rest like they wish they would drop dead or something.

This is more or less the source of my anger. Know all families have dis function but this is just the pits...and not how grandma would have wanted it.

It is also the reason my husband does not linger around family functions. Sad thing is...I have been married almost eight years and still not adjusted to his family or the resentment in it.....

Not that mine is perfect...goodness no...mine has its share of chaos too...but not like this.

A man's greatest pitfall is none other than himself. For only he can dig himself a hole he cannot get out of.
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05-05-2012, 01:49 PM
RE: Not Really Here, But Not Gone
Hmm... sounds like a rough time.

I see "the passing of the elders" as kind of the signal that the younger ones are supposed to scatter and form their own tribes.

Strong tribes, formed by choice, rather than no choice are healthy and happy. I'm almost certain that's how we get sweet little old ladies. Wink

Maybe the goal is to carry on, and strive to become that sweet little old lady. Thumbsup

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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