Not sure what's going to happen
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23-03-2016, 02:49 AM
RE: Not sure what's going to happen
I've got nothing. No advice, nothing.

All I can do is offer support.

Good luck.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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23-03-2016, 08:02 AM (This post was last modified: 23-03-2016 08:12 AM by The Organic Chemist.)
RE: Not sure what's going to happen
(22-03-2016 05:08 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  Maybe she's upset because you outed yourself without giving her a heads up to be prepared and now she's taking heat for it. She might see that as being inconsiderate of the position your put her in. I would because basically you threw her under the bus with her religious peer group.

Nah. They all knew. I outed myself over a year and a half ago to them. I play on a church softball team and most of the wives are friends of hers. They all know as far as I am aware. I have never hidden it. The only thing I didn't think about was her family. I am not sure whether they were aware. I know they knew I didn't believe, but I am not sure whether they thought I was just "struggling." Kinda regretting that. This weekend should be interesting since we are going to my in-laws this weekend.

(22-03-2016 05:08 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  I understand your position BUT if you take the religious aspect out and say make it some other personal or private issue that only you two share the knowledge of and then you go and blab it out without giving her notice... you see what I mean.

Yeah, but if it is my opinion, why should the topic really matter? It is not like I was talking intimate details of our sex life or anything which is only between us.

(22-03-2016 05:08 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  It was some overshare on your part, which happens but she might see it as a small betrayal to her friends. She may try not to discuss it with them and then here you go posting it in their faces.

Oh I know I come up with a few of her friends and likely her small group. No question about it. I don't think that it is often but I know for a fact that they all pray for me and whatnot. I really don't mind that if it makes them feel better.

(22-03-2016 05:08 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  Now, if you want to know what she's thinking, ask her. Tell her you acted rashly and didn't think what this might mean for her, apologize. Ask her if she will discuss it with you because you don't want this one act to become a wedge, no matter how small, in your loving relationship.

I don't think I should have t apologize for anything. It is my opinion. The wedge is coming from her religion, not me.

(22-03-2016 05:08 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  We all make choices that on hind site were self-serving, sometimes even thoughtless, letting her stew or worry it until it's bigger than it should be would be a mistake, IMO. Good luck.
Hug

I don't really think it was any more self-serving if I had put up a meme about Bernie Sanders, GW Bush, or Hillary. I hate that this topic is so touchy that one can't have a different opinion without someone getting upset.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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23-03-2016, 08:09 AM (This post was last modified: 23-03-2016 08:13 AM by The Organic Chemist.)
RE: Not sure what's going to happen
(22-03-2016 07:16 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Question: Does your wife have a FB page and does she post religious stuff on it?

If she does and doesn’t “check” with you first before posting then I can’t see how she can hold the double standard.

Just saying...

Yeah she does and no she doesn't. That is actually an interesting thing I have noticed. She really doesn't post or like anything religious. But why the heck should I have to check with her for something I put on my wall? It's my wall. I really don't think it is a double standard. I think you misunderstand what I think is going on. I think that whenever the reality that I do not believe and I am likely not to believe in her god comes up, she gets upset because of this idiotic doctrine she was fed that we will be separated, I will burn, or whatever she thinks and every time I say something, it is s reminder of that. I hope she is uncomfortable by this to a certain extent. I hope someday she realizes this teaching is absolute unsubstantiated manipulative bullshit and there is nothing to fear.

I think that whenever I say something, I get a knee-jerk reaction.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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23-03-2016, 08:35 AM (This post was last modified: 23-03-2016 05:09 PM by Heatheness.)
RE: Not sure what's going to happen
(23-03-2016 08:02 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(22-03-2016 05:08 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  Maybe she's upset because you outed yourself without giving her a heads up to be prepared and now she's taking heat for it. She might see that as being inconsiderate of the position your put her in. I would because basically you threw her under the bus with her religious peer group.

Nah. They all knew. I outed myself over a year and a half ago to them. I play on a church softball team and most of the wives are friends of hers. They all know as far as I am aware. I have never hidden it. The only thing I didn't think about was her family. I am not sure whether they were aware. I know they knew I didn't believe, but I am not sure whether they thought I was just "struggling." Kinda regretting that. This weekend should be interesting since we are going to my in-laws this weekend.

(22-03-2016 05:08 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  I understand your position BUT if you take the religious aspect out and say make it some other personal or private issue that only you two share the knowledge of and then you go and blab it out without giving her notice... you see what I mean.

Yeah, but if it is my opinion, why should the topic really matter? It is not like I was talking intimate details of our sex life or anything which is only between us.

(22-03-2016 05:08 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  It was some overshare on your part, which happens but she might see it as a small betrayal to her friends. She may try not to discuss it with them and then here you go posting it in their faces.

Oh I know I come up with a few of her friends and likely her small group. No question about it. I don't think that it is often but I know for a fact that they all pray for me and whatnot. I really don't mind that if it makes them feel better.

(22-03-2016 05:08 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  Now, if you want to know what she's thinking, ask her. Tell her you acted rashly and didn't think what this might mean for her, apologize. Ask her if she will discuss it with you because you don't want this one act to become a wedge, no matter how small, in your loving relationship.

I don't think I should have t apologize for anything. It is my opinion. The wedge is coming from her religion, not me.

(22-03-2016 05:08 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  We all make choices that on hind site were self-serving, sometimes even thoughtless, letting her stew or worry it until it's bigger than it should be would be a mistake, IMO. Good luck.
Hug


I don't really think it was any more self-serving if I had put up a meme about Bernie Sanders, GW Bush, or Hillary. I hate that this topic is so touchy that one can't have a different opinion without someone getting upset.

Okay, so if you don't think there's anything wrong or hurtful in your actions, why worry about and why post this thread. I guess I misunderstood your post.
(fixed, sorry, was on phone)

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23-03-2016, 08:45 AM
RE: Not sure what's going to happen
(23-03-2016 08:09 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(22-03-2016 07:16 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Question: Does your wife have a FB page and does she post religious stuff on it?

If she does and doesn’t “check” with you first before posting then I can’t see how she can hold the double standard.

Just saying...

Yeah she does and no she doesn't. That is actually an interesting thing I have noticed. She really doesn't post or like anything religious. But why the heck should I have to check with her for something I put on my wall? It's my wall. I really don't think it is a double standard. I think you misunderstand what I think is going on. I think that whenever the reality that I do not believe and I am likely not to believe in her god comes up, she gets upset because of this idiotic doctrine she was fed that we will be separated, I will burn, or whatever she thinks and every time I say something, it is s reminder of that. I hope she is uncomfortable by this to a certain extent. I hope someday she realizes this teaching is absolute unsubstantiated manipulative bullshit and there is nothing to fear.

I think that whenever I say something, I get a knee-jerk reaction.

I think I conflated your OP with some of the responses, sorry.

“But why the heck should I have to check with her for something I put on my wall?” - You don’t but it is no surprise that she has reacted to it.

Good luck.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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23-03-2016, 09:53 AM
RE: Not sure what's going to happen
(23-03-2016 08:35 AM)Heatheness Wrote:  Okay, so if you don't think there's anything wrong or hurtful in your actions, why worry about and why post this thread. I guess I misunderstood your post.

I don't think it's wrong at all to voice one's opinion regardless of what that opinion is. The hurtful part is a totally separate issue and they shouldn't be coupled together IMO. I think that when I voice my opinion on this subject, the church has washed my wife's mind so that she gets hurt. Her bible says that people like me are damned and destined for an eternal torment. She believes that and the nonsense fed to her causes her pain. Just because I don't see any harm in voicing my opinion, doesn't mean that the opinion I took can't upset people. Especially in the subject of religion.

However, the reason why I posted it was for two reasons. One was just to get it off my mind, and the other was to see what others thought. If no one else posted on it, I would not have been offended. Sometimes, throwing something down on paper can help get things off one's mind.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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23-03-2016, 09:54 AM
RE: Not sure what's going to happen
(23-03-2016 08:45 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  I think I conflated your OP with some of the responses, sorry.

“But why the heck should I have to check with her for something I put on my wall?” - You don’t but it is no surprise that she has reacted to it.

Good luck.

Thanks.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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23-03-2016, 05:12 PM
RE: Not sure what's going to happen
(23-03-2016 09:53 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(23-03-2016 08:35 AM)Heatheness Wrote:  Okay, so if you don't think there's anything wrong or hurtful in your actions, why worry about and why post this thread. I guess I misunderstood your post.

I don't think it's wrong at all to voice one's opinion regardless of what that opinion is. The hurtful part is a totally separate issue and they shouldn't be coupled together IMO. I think that when I voice my opinion on this subject, the church has washed my wife's mind so that she gets hurt. Her bible says that people like me are damned and destined for an eternal torment. She believes that and the nonsense fed to her causes her pain. Just because I don't see any harm in voicing my opinion, doesn't mean that the opinion I took can't upset people. Especially in the subject of religion.

However, the reason why I posted it was for two reasons. One was just to get it off my mind, and the other was to see what others thought. If no one else posted on it, I would not have been offended. Sometimes, throwing something down on paper can help get things off one's mind.

Okay, I wasn't trying to criticize you in as much as I was pointing out what she might see you post as. Still, stewing on an issue is never good and usually gets blown out of proportions. I would still talk with her about.

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23-03-2016, 08:06 PM
RE: Not sure what's going to happen
(23-03-2016 05:12 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  
(23-03-2016 09:53 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  I don't think it's wrong at all to voice one's opinion regardless of what that opinion is. The hurtful part is a totally separate issue and they shouldn't be coupled together IMO. I think that when I voice my opinion on this subject, the church has washed my wife's mind so that she gets hurt. Her bible says that people like me are damned and destined for an eternal torment. She believes that and the nonsense fed to her causes her pain. Just because I don't see any harm in voicing my opinion, doesn't mean that the opinion I took can't upset people. Especially in the subject of religion.

However, the reason why I posted it was for two reasons. One was just to get it off my mind, and the other was to see what others thought. If no one else posted on it, I would not have been offended. Sometimes, throwing something down on paper can help get things off one's mind.

Okay, I wasn't trying to criticize you in as much as I was pointing out what she might see you post as. Still, stewing on an issue is never good and usually gets blown out of proportions. I would still talk with her about.

No worries. I didn't think you were. I do want to talk to her but I am not sure how to approach the topic. I tried to last night when she brought up Facebook but she quickly changed the subject.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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24-03-2016, 05:38 PM
RE: Not sure what's going to happen
(23-03-2016 08:06 PM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(23-03-2016 05:12 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  Okay, I wasn't trying to criticize you in as much as I was pointing out what she might see you post as. Still, stewing on an issue is never good and usually gets blown out of proportions. I would still talk with her about.

No worries. I didn't think you were. I do want to talk to her but I am not sure how to approach the topic. I tried to last night when she brought up Facebook but she quickly changed the subject.

You might just tell her that you have concerns that she was upset with your post or that maybe it caused some grief with her friends or family and you'd like to discuss it to clear the air. Then just ask her if she got any blow-back from it.

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