Nursing Homes
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
29-12-2013, 10:49 PM
RE: Nursing Homes
(29-12-2013 10:26 PM)Maria Dean Wrote:  Three years ago my siblings and I made the decision to move our mother into an assisted living facility, and for me to have POA, medical and financial. Since then, I've lived sort of a double life - mine and hers. I am responsible for every aspect of her life. Recently, she fell and broke her back. The facility she was living in wasn't able to give her the attention I felt she needed, not without a lot of extra $$. I looked into nursing homes and adult family homes (some of them are fabulous-if you can afford it). I finally made the decision to move her in with us. We can afford to support her, so meanwhile her social security can be stashed away for the future. I know there will come a time when physically I won't be able to care for her. Having her here has changed the demands on my time, but I feel I've made the right decision. It's the least I can do for her. We just celebrated her 90th birthday. She has lived alone since my father died 30 years ago. The decisions we make are guided by individual circumstances.

Making decisions at such an emotional time in life can be difficult. You did the right thing, Maria. You are doing all you possibly can without 'over-devoting' your own life. You should feel good about the moves you have made! Thumbsup

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
30-12-2013, 07:12 AM
RE: Nursing Homes
(29-12-2013 10:26 PM)Maria Dean Wrote:  Three years ago my siblings and I made the decision to move our mother into an assisted living facility, and for me to have POA, medical and financial. Since then, I've lived sort of a double life - mine and hers. I am responsible for every aspect of her life. Recently, she fell and broke her back. The facility she was living in wasn't able to give her the attention I felt she needed, not without a lot of extra $$. I looked into nursing homes and adult family homes (some of them are fabulous-if you can afford it). I finally made the decision to move her in with us. We can afford to support her, so meanwhile her social security can be stashed away for the future. I know there will come a time when physically I won't be able to care for her. Having her here has changed the demands on my time, but I feel I've made the right decision. It's the least I can do for her. We just celebrated her 90th birthday. She has lived alone since my father died 30 years ago. The decisions we make are guided by individual circumstances.


I am so happy for you that you've had your mom for So long and that she lives with you. You are very kind and a wonderful daughter to make your mom's waning years so loved.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
30-12-2013, 09:56 AM
RE: Nursing Homes
This is a difficult thing. I have made the sick joke in the past that I would set aside a sufficient amount of drugs to kill myself but when the time came to use them I would forget where they were. My grandmother, mother and two of her siblings all died from Alzheimer's, it is not a pleasant thought that the same may happen to me. At one point when my mother was also ill otherwise I came very close to killing her, if I knew I could do it and not be subject to prosecution I would have done it.

It is also not a pleasant place where such people must live out their lives. My grandmother was lucky in that she could stay at home almost until the end. My mother and aunt were institutionalized for a long time. Two of the places where my mother was were reasonably pleasant, the last was a horror show and she was there for several years. It was in that place that I thought about killing her.

End of life decisions are quite difficult. At 67 I am more closely aware of them then most of you. I have suggested to my children that they take up into the Sierra's and abandon me. Their mother thinks that is too difficult a burden to put on them. As my sick joke implies I am not sure I would remember my intentions when the correct time came. I know that my family knows what I would prefer. I do believe that sometime I must make that clear with some form of legal document.

A side note. In the last facility my mother was in there was a man who was not able physically to take care of himself but was otherwise competent, I talked with him a couple of times when visiting, I suspect there were others like that there. The thought of being mentally competent and living in a facility full of dying or mentally disabled people is quite depressing.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
30-12-2013, 10:12 AM (This post was last modified: 30-12-2013 10:31 AM by Dom.)
RE: Nursing Homes
(30-12-2013 09:56 AM)JAH Wrote:  This is a difficult thing. I have made the sick joke in the past that I would set aside a sufficient amount of drugs to kill myself but when the time came to use them I would forget where they were. My grandmother, mother and two of her siblings all died from Alzheimer's, it is not a pleasant thought that the same may happen to me. At one point when my mother was also ill otherwise I came very close to killing her, if I knew I could do it and not be subject to prosecution I would have done it.

It is also not a pleasant place where such people must live out their lives. My grandmother was lucky in that she could stay at home almost until the end. My mother and aunt were institutionalized for a long time. Two of the places where my mother was were reasonably pleasant, the last was a horror show and she was there for several years. It was in that place that I thought about killing her.

End of life decisions are quite difficult. At 67 I am more closely aware of them then most of you. I have suggested to my children that they take up into the Sierra's and abandon me. Their mother thinks that is too difficult a burden to put on them. As my sick joke implies I am not sure I would remember my intentions when the correct time came. I know that my family knows what I would prefer. I do believe that sometime I must make that clear with some form of legal document.

A side note. In the last facility my mother was in there was a man who was not able physically to take care of himself but was otherwise competent, I talked with him a couple of times when visiting, I suspect there were others like that there. The thought of being mentally competent and living in a facility full of dying or mentally disabled people is quite depressing.

I don't think it's fair to involve family. My mom begged me to help her and I was able to do so in a legal way - and I am haunted by it for the last 25 years. It was the right thing to do, mom wanted it, the docs supported me and helped with the legal stuff, I feel right about it, I don't second guess the decision, but it was nevertheless traumatic. Not something I want to burden family with, it's a life sentence. It never goes away.

The only right way to do it is to plan it out for oneself, and to take action before it's too late. That is not always possible, it wasn't for mom, but I am shooting for that.

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
30-12-2013, 01:38 PM
RE: Nursing Homes
Dom, I do not know for sure what would have happened to my psyche but I do know I regret to this day some 20+ years later that I did not kill my mother when I thought I had a chance to get away with it. It condemned her to 3 or so years of just existing. No real thought or memory only the semi-automatic parts of the brain and body working. It was very much not a pleasant sight.

Thinking a little about my previous post there should be care facilities specifically for dementia patients, I do know there are some. Dementia patients should be separated from those who only have physical disabilities. The place my mother ended up in had both. Once a woman had to ask that my mother be removed from her room because being around my mother bothered her. Occasionally one woman would start taking her clothes off and yelling fuck at the top of her lungs. As I said above the thought of being in that place and having a sound mind is depressing.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
30-12-2013, 02:04 PM
RE: Nursing Homes
(30-12-2013 01:38 PM)JAH Wrote:  Dom, I do not know for sure what would have happened to my psyche but I do know I regret to this day some 20+ years later that I did not kill my mother when I thought I had a chance to get away with it. It condemned her to 3 or so years of just existing. No real thought or memory only the semi-automatic parts of the brain and body working. It was very much not a pleasant sight.

Thinking a little about my previous post there should be care facilities specifically for dementia patients, I do know there are some. Dementia patients should be separated from those who only have physical disabilities. The place my mother ended up in had both. Once a woman had to ask that my mother be removed from her room because being around my mother bothered her. Occasionally one woman would start taking her clothes off and yelling fuck at the top of her lungs. As I said above the thought of being in that place and having a sound mind is depressing.

Well, speaking strictly for myself, I'm not going to any care facility, period.

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dom's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: