OCD
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30-05-2018, 01:21 PM
RE: OCD
I have some weird ticks (most come and go) that may or may not be related to this. I always feel them as something I strongly feel like doing. I'm not sure if that's a "compulsion" or not. Most of these don't last too long. If I don't spend any real time engaging it, it might go away on it's own. Otherwise, I'm stuck putting in fairly frequent effort to fight it.

There is one I've had most of my life that's pretty trivial. I'll occasionally get the urge to press the tips of my fingers into corners (typically inside corners). I'll go weeks or months without thinking about it, but as soon as I consciously think about it (like I am now), I'll have this nearly continuous desire to do so. I'm finding myself occasionally pressing them against the outside corners of the keys on my keyboard. It's a really weird thing I remember noticing as a child one day. I remember sitting on my bed feeling like what I really wanted to do was touch a part of a corner in my bed room that was well out of reach. I didn't climb the shelves or anything stupid to get to it, but I found myself wondering why I wanted to.
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18-06-2018, 08:41 AM (This post was last modified: 18-06-2018 10:15 AM by Vera.)
RE: OCD
We often refer to people who are extremely neat or organised as “a bit OCD”. But the reality of living with obsessive compulsive disorder is a very different and serious matter.

"Unlike in the healthy participants, there was no signal from the OCD patients’ ventromedial prefrontal cortex, a brain area that normally signals safety.

The results suggest that OCD patients are likely to have difficulty learning when situations are safe in everyday life – and that this has to do with differences in the brain. This has great relevance for the current psychological treatment of OCD, in which patients are expected to learn that not performing excessive and compulsive safety behaviours is in fact “safe” and therefore unnecessary. Current exposure therapies may only teach patients how to deal with their compulsions rather than truly learning that the situations they are so scared of are not actually dangerous. This means that obsessive thoughts can persist, and that it is possible for compulsive behaviour to return in future stressful situations."


And here we go again. I really can't do this much longer...

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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18-06-2018, 09:33 AM
RE: OCD
I've been on meds for O.C.D. before.

I was given treatment for the symptoms and told that diagnosis didn't matter, by my psychiatrist. His view was always that all that mattered was treatment (although I personally think that's ridiculous because how can you treat something if you don't know what condition you're treating?)

This has led to some O.C.D. suffers suggesting that because I wasn't diagnosed officially then my symptoms can't be real . . . and other O.C.D. sufferers to understand that that makes no sense and whether I get diagnosed officially or not if that's due to my psychiatrist not believing in diagnosis then it's irrelevant and of course my symptoms are real.

I struggled with O.C.D. symptoms for years. I probably still do. It's hard to know when a lot of my compulsions are also due to autism (and when because of my autism I don't tend to feel stuff much). I don't have the anxiety from obsessions that I used to........ but then again I am constantly in a state of engaging in my compulsions, and unable to function properly due to that. If I stopped engaging in my compulsions the anxietes probably would come back. I don't wish to find out.

Anyways, one of the things about O.C.D. is I hate it how so many people underestimate how painful it can be. I hate it how so many people trivialize it as just a matter of being excessively clean or tidy. It's a severe anxiety disorder that can take over your whole life. And I wish the common public recognized that more often... and stopped stereotyping it.

My compulsions are largely about thought and speech and pedantry and truth-telling. And thinking aloud. My thoughts repetitively annoy me round and round in my head if I don't blurt everything out. I don't feel alive if I'm quiet.

I don't know whether that's to do with O.C.D, my autism or a combination of both. But thinking aloud seems the best way I can deal with the anxiety of my obsessive thought spirals. It does take over my life though.

I definitely had strong O.C.D. symptoms strong enough to be diagnosed at least for a few years in the past... and even if I'm coping with most of that anxiety now by constantly engagining in compulsions.... BEFORE I couldn't avoid the anxieties no matter what I did. It used to be a hell of a lot worse, and I was definitely severe enough to be diagnosed at one point, for a few years.

What really helped relieve my anxiety a lot was a combination of two things: 1. Not just wanting to believe and trying to believe that my thoughts were normal... but eventually really believing that my thoughts were normal. 2. Not just wanting to believe and trying to believe that I couldn't control my thoughts and that my thoughts were automatic... but eventually really believing that I couldn't control my thoughts and that my thoughts were automatic.

That helped me a lot. And I don't feel powerless in helpless or trapped sort of way. I feel powerless in a free and natural sort of way. I feel LESS trapped.

Anyways, that's my thoughts on how O.C.D. symptoms have been or are for me.

"Sometimes we need to speak oddly to see clearly." - Galen Strawson

"I rely upon people reading my posts and making up their own minds. If they're so easily swayed by crowd opinion that they take that and not my behavior as the metric for me, well, I'm not losing much at all." - Thumpalumpacus
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18-06-2018, 11:03 AM
RE: OCD
(18-06-2018 08:41 AM)Vera Wrote:  And here we go again. I really can't do this much longer...
What's up?

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18-06-2018, 11:24 AM
RE: OCD
I hope you're okay Vera.

"Sometimes we need to speak oddly to see clearly." - Galen Strawson

"I rely upon people reading my posts and making up their own minds. If they're so easily swayed by crowd opinion that they take that and not my behavior as the metric for me, well, I'm not losing much at all." - Thumpalumpacus
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18-06-2018, 01:17 PM (This post was last modified: 18-06-2018 05:17 PM by Vera.)
RE: OCD
I'm okay, guys, thanks. My mind seems to insist on unravelling and it's getting tiresome. And yeah, realising I don't have much control over what, in a previous article I quoted, someone called my "synthetic thoughts" is helping... but only marginally.

Still, it could've been much, much worse (and is, for so many people).

And Evie, yeah, the trivilialisation annoys me to no end. No, you arranging your books by colour doesn't mean "you're OCD" (much like you can't "be" cancer or MS) and having a quirk or two is just this, having a quirk or two. Me, making geometrical shapes out of the empty pill slots in a blister pack is a quirk. The hamster running incessantly in the wheel of my head - not so much.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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18-06-2018, 05:18 PM
RE: OCD
Escapism is a dysfunctional way of dealing with it but it really is the best solution I've found to avoid feeling the anxieties. I don't recommend it for anyone who has a healthier solution. It does lead to me blurting everything out at people just so I don't have to hear myself think. (although that's definitely not entirely down to O.C.D. it certainly doesn't help matters).

"Sometimes we need to speak oddly to see clearly." - Galen Strawson

"I rely upon people reading my posts and making up their own minds. If they're so easily swayed by crowd opinion that they take that and not my behavior as the metric for me, well, I'm not losing much at all." - Thumpalumpacus
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21-06-2018, 09:33 PM
RE: OCD
Sorry, Evie.

Also, things are really worse than I remember them in a long long while. I even caught myself trying to pray before having lunch today, which is what I do when it gets to be really bad (a lot of my OCD got channelled into religious stuff and some of it stayed with me).

Also, were they right about the guilt thing! Not only do I seem unable to get over the smallest mistake I make but I have gotten into the habit of dwelling on things I should've have done and said differently and then playing out the different scenario in my head, over and over, like a broken record and like it'd change anything. And we're not even talking anything serious, either.

It's just... I want it to stop Undecided

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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27-06-2018, 11:33 AM
RE: OCD
(11-05-2018 01:40 PM)Vera Wrote:  "When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don’t really get quiet moments".

"Tiranni miei pensieri,
datemi riposo
uno sol momento!"

(Oh, my tyrant thoughts, give me just a moment of rest)





Loved this aria even before I actually paid attention to the words...

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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