Offensive Joke Thread
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 2 Votes - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
28-10-2015, 09:26 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
A hippy gets on a bus and sees a nun sitting in the back.

He sits down next to the nun and asks her if she wants to have sex.

She politely declines and gets off at the next stop.

Having overheard the conversation the bus driver tells the hippy that the nun goes to pray at the cemetery every Wednesday.

He could dress up as God and command her to have sex with him.

The hippy buys some glow in the dark paint, a robe and a fake beard then finds a good spot in the bushes at the cemetery the following Wednesday and waits.

Sure enough the nun shows up. Just as the bus driver said she would.

The hippy jumps out from the bushes and says "behold me my child. For I am Him and I demand you have sex with me to show your commitment."

"OH my Lord. Surely I will not deny your will, but might I make a request?"

"yes my child what do you request?"

"So that I might maintain my purity and remain a virgin, can it be anal sex?"

The hippy agrees and they get to it. When they're finally done he rips off his costume and YELLS

"HA! I'M THE HIPPY!!!"

To which the nun rips off his costume and yells.

"HA! I'M THE BUS DRIVER!!!"

'Murican Canadian
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 14 users Like yakherder's post
29-10-2015, 10:50 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
This the story of poor old Jock,
The only man with a cork-screw cock,
He spent his time in a life long hunt,
Looking for a woman with a cork-screw cunt,
At last he found her and took her to bed,
But his luck was out. She had a left hand thread.

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like stevec's post
03-11-2015, 09:32 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
This one was on 9gag with the caption "I'm not a doctor, but I think it my be too late for Joseph"

[Image: xjlc9Sw.jpg]

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 13 users Like Smercury44's post
04-11-2015, 07:31 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
[Image: y7ec9lrl.jpg]

'Murican Canadian
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 11 users Like yakherder's post
05-11-2015, 11:45 AM
Offensive Joke Thread
Paraphrased from LaWanda Page, aka Aunt Esther from "Sanford & Son." Like Redd Foxx, she was not the same on stage.

An old lady got a parrot. When she got it home, it started yelling, "I'm Hannah the whore! I'm Hannah the whore!" The old lady was mortified. She called the Catholic priest and told him.

"Don't you worry. I have a parrot, but he prays all day. Bring your parrot by, and I'll put her with mine. My parrot will reform yours and make it a good parrot."

So the little old lady did just that. When they out her parrot in the same room, again it started yelling, "I'm Hannah the whore! I'm Hannah the whore!"

The priest's parrot replied, "Come on in! That's what I've been praying for!"
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Clockwork's post
06-11-2015, 04:48 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
There was a thread on reddit about Lucasfilm showing The Force Awakens to a dying man who most likely won't live till December, and this exchanged ensued:

[Image: YAJII9D.png]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Dex's post
06-11-2015, 06:40 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Our 15 year old daughter has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

But, on the upside, our 13 year old is developing a nice pair.

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like SYZ's post
06-11-2015, 09:02 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
[Image: cc6TxVB.jpg]

'Murican Canadian
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 10 users Like yakherder's post
06-11-2015, 10:00 PM (This post was last modified: 06-11-2015 10:18 PM by DLJ.)
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(06-11-2015 09:02 PM)yakherder Wrote:  [Image: cc6TxVB.jpg]

Talking of which ... all the hotels I stay in over here have disabled toilets.

About time they got better maintenance crews.

Dodgy

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like DLJ's post
07-11-2015, 01:05 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(06-11-2015 10:00 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(06-11-2015 09:02 PM)yakherder Wrote:  [Image: cc6TxVB.jpg]

Talking of which ... all the hotels I stay in over here have disabled toilets.

About time they got better maintenance crews.

Dodgy

Or made sturdier toilets; jeez, what're people eating over there?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Dex's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: