Offensive Joke Thread
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09-11-2015, 10:56 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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19-11-2015, 05:59 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Too soon?

[Image: 1463337.jpg]

[Image: eHi55EI.jpg]

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30-11-2015, 10:22 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
A man walks into the bar with his pet monkey. He asks if it is OK and the bartender sees no harm so the monkey gets his own barstool. He reaches over and gets a peanut out of the bowl, and shoves it up his ass. he pulls it back out and eats it. The bartender asks the guy what the heck was that about.
he replies "since the cueball incident, he test fits everything first."
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05-12-2015, 09:25 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
[Image: 99-problems.jpg]

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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10-12-2015, 08:17 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
.. well, don't kill the newbie, but here it goes...

Q) Why wouldn't I run over a black kid on a bike?
A) ... it's probably my bike ...


I saw a black guy running down my street with a TV on his shoulders and got PISSED off... but, when I got home, mine was still there shining my shoes.

Q) How can you tell when a JAP has an orgasm?
A) she drops her emory board.

Q) How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
A) She opens the car door.

Q) Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A) She was throwing away all the "W's"


trying to not be TOO offensive...
Tongue
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10-12-2015, 08:19 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
.... oh, that reminds me of something my grandfather used to say. He would say "I'm going upstairs and fuck your grandmother now..."

Thank you George Carlin!
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10-12-2015, 08:23 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(28-10-2015 09:26 PM)yakherder Wrote:  A hippy gets on a bus and sees a nun sitting in the back.

He sits down next to the nun and asks her if she wants to have sex.

She politely declines and gets off at the next stop.

Having overheard the conversation the bus driver tells the hippy that the nun goes to pray at the cemetery every Wednesday.

He could dress up as God and command her to have sex with him.

The hippy buys some glow in the dark paint, a robe and a fake beard then finds a good spot in the bushes at the cemetery the following Wednesday and waits.

Sure enough the nun shows up. Just as the bus driver said she would.

The hippy jumps out from the bushes and says "behold me my child. For I am Him and I demand you have sex with me to show your commitment."

"OH my Lord. Surely I will not deny your will, but might I make a request?"

"yes my child what do you request?"

"So that I might maintain my purity and remain a virgin, can it be anal sex?"

The hippy agrees and they get to it. When they're finally done he rips off his costume and YELLS

"HA! I'M THE HIPPY!!!"

To which the nun rips off his costume and yells.

"HA! I'M THE BUS DRIVER!!!"

... that actually is leaving a mark on my brain!
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13-12-2015, 03:29 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Little Red Riding Hood sets off to visit Granny. Just as she's leaving her Mum says "Be carefull of the Big Bad Wolf. If he catches you he will hike up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off." Little Red Riding Hood replies "It's OK, I have my machette with me." and off she goes.
On the way she meets the woodman. He says "Be carefull of the Big Bad Wolf. If he catches you he will hike up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off." Little Red Riding Hood replies "It's OK, I have my machette with me." and off she goes.
Just before she gets to Grannies house the Big Bad Wolf runs up to her and says "Hello Little Red Riding Hood, I'm going to hike up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off." Little Red Riding Hood pulls out her machette, holds it to the Big Bad Wolfs throat and says. "First you're going to eat me just like the story says."

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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13-12-2015, 03:59 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(13-12-2015 03:29 PM)stevec Wrote:  Little Red Riding Hood sets off to visit Granny. Just as she's leaving her Mum says "Be carefull of the Big Bad Wolf. If he catches you he will hike up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off." Little Red Riding Hood replies "It's OK, I have my machette with me." and off she goes.
On the way she meets the woodman. He says "Be carefull of the Big Bad Wolf. If he catches you he will hike up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off." Little Red Riding Hood replies "It's OK, I have my machette with me." and off she goes.
Just before she gets to Grannies house the Big Bad Wolf runs up to her and says "Hello Little Red Riding Hood, I'm going to hike up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off." Little Red Riding Hood pulls out her machette, holds it to the Big Bad Wolfs throat and says. "First you're going to eat me just like the story says."

Seems fair...

[Image: 51WSzjcZuSL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg]

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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13-12-2015, 04:06 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
This black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar tender looks up and says "That's neat, where did you get it?" "Go to Africa there are millions of them" the parrot answered!
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