Offensive Joke Thread
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11-11-2013, 06:07 AM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
Following up on Jimmy Carr's Alzheimer's joke...

Doctor: It's bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer's.

Patient: Oh well, it could be worse - at least I don't have cancer.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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11-11-2013, 08:30 AM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
(10-11-2013 12:51 PM)kim Wrote:  I got these from Jimmy Carr recalling another famous comedian's catalogue of "mother in law jokes" ... I can't remember the comedian he was talking about but he must have been great.
...

Based on no research whatsoever, I would guess it was either Bernard Manning or Les Dawson.

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11-11-2013, 11:45 AM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
Saw this on facebook.

The skin stretched and tanned, the striped suit sown into the flesh itself, the killer donned a new body, giggling to no one, "Wears Waldo."

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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11-11-2013, 11:33 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
My wife's birthday was yesterday, and when I asked what she wanted she said "something that goes from 0 to 200 in less than five seconds."

So I bought her a scale.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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12-11-2013, 02:59 AM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
(17-09-2012 03:12 PM)Chas Wrote:  I am offended. I will burn your embassy.

I see your embassy and raise you a Jihad.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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12-11-2013, 11:05 AM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
(12-11-2013 02:59 AM)sporehux Wrote:  
(17-09-2012 03:12 PM)Chas Wrote:  I am offended. I will burn your embassy.

I see your embassy and raise you a Jihad.
I see your Jihad and raise you an American humanitarian intervention.

. . . ................................ ......................................... . [Image: 2dsmnow.gif] Eat at Joe's
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12-11-2013, 12:42 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
Q: Why do bulimics love Kentucky Fried Chicken?

A: Because it comes with a bucket.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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12-11-2013, 01:20 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
(12-11-2013 11:05 AM)Slowminded Wrote:  
(12-11-2013 02:59 AM)sporehux Wrote:  I see your embassy and raise you a Jihad.
I see your Jihad and raise you an American humanitarian intervention.

I see your American humanitarian intervention and raise you a NATO campaign of aerial strikes limited in scope and duration, with no boots on the ground and without intentions to effect regime change, in support of a UN Security Council resolution authorizing the use of all necessary force to establish a cease-fire and maintain a no-fly zone.

Oops, I accidentally your country...

If something can be destroyed by the truth, it might be worth destroying.

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12-11-2013, 02:00 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
(12-11-2013 01:20 PM)Elesjei Wrote:  
(12-11-2013 11:05 AM)Slowminded Wrote:  I see your Jihad and raise you an American humanitarian intervention.

I see your American humanitarian intervention and raise you a NATO campaign of aerial strikes limited in scope and duration, with no boots on the ground and without intentions to effect regime change, in support of a UN Security Council resolution authorizing the use of all necessary force to establish a cease-fire and maintain a no-fly zone.

Oops, I accidentally your country...
I guess you win this time,
I'm saving dirty bomb attack in a densely populated area for later.

. . . ................................ ......................................... . [Image: 2dsmnow.gif] Eat at Joe's
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12-11-2013, 02:10 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
(12-11-2013 01:20 PM)Elesjei Wrote:  
(12-11-2013 11:05 AM)Slowminded Wrote:  I see your Jihad and raise you an American humanitarian intervention.

I see your American humanitarian intervention and raise you a NATO campaign of aerial strikes limited in scope and duration, with no boots on the ground and without intentions to effect regime change, in support of a UN Security Council resolution authorizing the use of all necessary force to establish a cease-fire and maintain a no-fly zone.

Oops, I accidentally your country...

I see your American Humanitarian Intervention and raise you an Invasion and subsequent campaign to 'earn the peoples hearts & minds' spanning at least a decade of military occupation.

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