Offensive Joke Thread
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20-05-2014, 06:13 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(20-05-2014 05:01 PM)beeglez Wrote:  A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star."

Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked,
"What's your name?"


The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but In order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to
change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my
grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years...you will NEVER go far in Hollywood
with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not
be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER......The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a
check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the
letter enclosed...

Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed
to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused.

You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your
office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much
pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing
my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke

Nope, not offended. No

It is, however, hilarious and I will be using it. Thumbsup

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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21-05-2014, 03:33 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
A woman walks into the police stations and says she wishes to report a rape. The officer at the desk asks when the rape occurred. "2 weeks ago" she says. "2 weeks? Why are you only reporting it now?" The officer asked incredulously. "Well I didn't know I was raped til the check bounced."

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense

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21-05-2014, 07:34 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(21-05-2014 03:33 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  A woman walks into the police stations and says she wishes to report a rape. The officer at the desk asks when the rape occurred. "2 weeks ago" she says. "2 weeks? Why are you only reporting it now?" The officer asked incredulously. "Well I didn't know I was raped til the check bounced."

What happens to men when women rape them

Nobody gives a fuck, they should man up and be happy the got free sex

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21-05-2014, 09:52 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
What should a woman do afterher abortion?

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

“You see… sometimes life gives you lemons. And when that happens… you need to find some spell that makes lemons explode, because lemons are terrible. I only ate them once and I can say with certainty they are the worst fruit. If life gave me lemons, I would view it as nothing short of a declaration of war."
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24-05-2014, 09:55 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Q: what did Abraham Lincoln say after a 3 day drinking binge?
A: I freed who?
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24-05-2014, 10:35 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(24-05-2014 09:55 AM)Drunkin Druid Wrote:  Q: what did Abraham Lincoln say after a 3 day drinking binge?
A: I freed who?

Have you ever noticed that the penny is the only coin on which the president faces the opposite direction of the others?

Would you be able to face your friends if you had freed the slaves?

(such a horrible joke)

"It's a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind.”
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24-05-2014, 11:54 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
I really hope this wasn't posted yet.

[Image: tumblr_n32jbbLZOL1rvwk61o1_500.jpg]

Too soon? Shy

(03-09-2014 09:12 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Ferdy is a female with testosterone levels that wouldn't surprise me if her clit was bigger than GirlyMan's little limp dick. And Hughsie thinks he's male but his fatass hasn't seen his pecker in years.
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25-05-2014, 06:06 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Q: What's the difference between a ginger and a vampire?

A: One is a pale, bloodsucking creature that avoids the sun. The other is a vampire.

Meredith: Apathy kills, Hank.
Hank: I don't care
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25-05-2014, 09:29 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(24-05-2014 11:54 AM)Ferdinand Wrote:  I really hope this wasn't posted yet.

[Image: tumblr_n32jbbLZOL1rvwk61o1_500.jpg]

Too soon? Shy

This belongs in the "too soon" thread Tongue
JK: I lol'ed

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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25-05-2014, 09:48 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
An elderly man was acting quite sick. He just wasn't himself, and his wife was very worried. She took him to the doctor, and after a careful exam and lab work, the doctor said "I'm very sorry Mrs. Smith, but your husband has either AIDS or Alzheimer's". The woman is obviously devastated. After taking a moment to get over the initial shock, she said "Doctor, those are two very different disease. Surely, with all the advances of modern medicine you can tell the difference?". The doctor said "No. The two can be difficult to differentiate. However, there is a simple test you can do at home to figure it out". "Great! What do I need to do?" asked the woman. The doctor replied "Take him a mile or so from home. Have him get out of the car, and then you drive off. If he comes home, don't fuck him"
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