Offensive Joke Thread
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08-06-2015, 10:50 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
A woman in lying in the road after being run over. The driver of the car that knocked her down comes to her aid. "Are you all right, love?" he asks.
"Your just a blur," she says. "So my eyesight is obviously affected."
Concerned, the driver leans over her in order to test her eyesight. "How many fingers have I got up?" he asks her.

"Oh shit!" she replies. "I must be paralysed from the waist down as well."

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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08-06-2015, 11:26 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
A guy goes to see his doctor because he has a strange, orange discoloration of his dick.
After running every test he can think of, the doc explains to the man that he can't find anything medically wrong with him.
Thinking there might be an environmental cause, the doc asks his patient to walk him through a typical day.
The patient replies; "There's not much to tell doc, most days I just sit around the house watching porn, and eating Cheetos."
Tongue
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08-06-2015, 11:36 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Pete rings his boss at work and says, "I'm sorry, but I can't come into work today, I'm sick."
"Sick!" screams his boss. "Sick? This is the tenth time this month, exactly how sick are you?"
Peter replies, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12 year old sister."

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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08-06-2015, 12:26 PM
Offensive Joke Thread
[Image: 70187f4f40ccfa60187b8549225c5dd5.jpg]
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08-06-2015, 07:08 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
A woman who had been married 3 times decided to try her luck with online dating to see if the 4th time would be a charm. Her ad stated that she was looking for a serious relationship. She divulged that she had been married three times before, and that her first husband beat her, and her second walked out on her. Her third husband was had been a good husband and a great lover, but he had died. She was seeking a man who would not beat her, not walk out on her, and would be a great lover.

After weeks without a reply, the doorbell rang, and she opened it to find a man with no arms or legs. He told her he felt he would be perfect for her. Since he had no arms, he wouldn't beat her, and since he had no legs, he wouldn't walk out on her. "Yes," she said, "but are you a great lover?" He replied "how do you think I rang the doorbell?"
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08-06-2015, 07:23 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(08-06-2015 11:36 AM)stevec Wrote:  Pete rings his boss at work and says, "I'm sorry, but I can't come into work today, I'm sick."
"Sick!" screams his boss. "Sick? This is the tenth time this month, exactly how sick are you?"
Peter replies, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12 year old sister."

I think you misspelled "Josh" there, mate.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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09-06-2015, 01:52 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

Mikhail Bakunin.
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10-06-2015, 03:07 PM (This post was last modified: 10-06-2015 03:47 PM by Can_of_Beans.)
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
My wife told me that after a woman gives birth you can cook the placenta and eat it, so I looked up some recipes online and found one for 'placenta lasagna' that actually made me feel sick.

I fucking hate lasagna.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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10-06-2015, 03:52 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
How do you circumcise a redneck?



Kick his sister in the jaw.

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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11-06-2015, 07:22 PM
Re: Offensive Joke Thread
   
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