Offensive Joke Thread
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 2 Votes - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
21-08-2015, 08:40 AM
Re: RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(21-08-2015 02:50 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  
(20-08-2015 10:35 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  [Image: Punny.jpg]

How is this offensive in any way?

Dehumanizing of females by presenting them as nothing more than a sex symbol blah blah blah...
Big Grin
I know several people who would get offended by this. Hell, I know people who are offended by the thought of anal sex. It's so ungodly! Gasp
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like mecanna's post
21-08-2015, 08:45 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(21-08-2015 08:40 AM)mecanna Wrote:  
(21-08-2015 02:50 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  How is this offensive in any way?

Dehumanizing of females by presenting them as nothing more than a sex symbol blah blah blah...
Big Grin
I know several people who would get offended by this. Hell, I know people who are offended by the thought of anal sex. It's so ungodly! Gasp

Ungodly? I thought it was God's loophole so girls could have sex while still technically being virgins... Consider




"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 7 users Like Can_of_Beans's post
21-08-2015, 08:47 AM
Offensive Joke Thread
Fatal overdose.
[Image: 89ab2af7c6ce091aefe5e18f2ce5dac4.jpg]

A scarenig.
[Image: d87ac3c5f2c4dcc07aa3f8a60b4ad238.jpg]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 5 users Like KUSA's post
22-08-2015, 01:22 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Holy shit, KUSA!!

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes RocketSurgeon76's post
22-08-2015, 01:28 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
You know what a scarebilly is?

The guy sitting in the Oval Office.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes RogueWarrior's post
22-08-2015, 07:59 AM
Re: Offensive Joke Thread
Prepare to be offended.
   
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like mecanna's post
22-08-2015, 09:36 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(21-08-2015 08:45 AM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  
(21-08-2015 08:40 AM)mecanna Wrote:  Dehumanizing of females by presenting them as nothing more than a sex symbol blah blah blah...
Big Grin
I know several people who would get offended by this. Hell, I know people who are offended by the thought of anal sex. It's so ungodly! Gasp

Ungodly? I thought it was God's loophole so girls could have sex while still technically being virgins... Consider




Already "Liked", but had to post on this. Brilliant! I haven't seen those two, but I love satire that addresses religious hypocrisy. They do an excellent job.

So much liking, I feel the need to post the lyrics:

Quote:All my life I've been good
Do what my mom and dad and God say I should
Go to church and Bible School
To live by God's rule

So whatever people tell me
That The Bible tells me
I will do

Walk the halls of high school with my purity ring
Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check
It was easy to do until I got a boyfriend
And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck

But I made a pact
To keep my hymen intact
And Jesus and I are tight

Never learned about the birds and the bees
I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees
Cause The Bible says premarital sex is wrong
But Jason says that guys can't wait that long

I don't want to lose him
To someone who'll do him
I need to figure something out

Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well
So I can get him off without going to hell
It's my Hail Mary, full of grace
In Jesus' name we go to fifth base!

Oh, thank you for making me holy
And thank you for giving me holes to choose from
And since I'm not a godless whore
He'll have to come in the back door
Therefore

Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus
The good Lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of a throbbing rationalization
It's just between you and me
Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see

It's hard to be as pure as me
To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity
To wait until my marriage bed
To give my husband my unsullied maiden head

So take your cock out
Shove it in my ass
Fuck me until you come

Oops! I mean let's join our souls
And unite our bodies
And fly with the wings of God

Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris
If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this
And no prophylactics when you put it in
Cause birth control's for sluts and it's a sin

I've emptied my bowels
And laid out the towels
I'm ready for romance

Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest
But of all of my holes, this ones the driest
And we can't procreate if we anally copulate
And God is OK with sodomy, but only if you're straight

And I'm staying pure, no matter what
So I'm OK with everything but...
Everything but...
Everything butt

Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus
The good Lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of a rock hard rationalization
It's just between you and me
Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see

I do whatever The Bible tells me to
Except for the parts that I choose to ignore
Because they're unrealistic and inconvenient
But the rest I live by for sure

So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shellfish, polyester and divorce
And how it condones slavery and killing gays because those parts don't count, of course
Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and mine it for ambiguities and omissions
To circumvent any real sacrifice, but still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted positions

And don't you dare question my convictions
And don't look closely at the contradictions
Just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion
And have faith in its complete jurisdiction

As the only way to measure if you're good or not
And in a debate, just say to “have faith”
Because when you're up against logic, it's the only card you've got

So close your eyes
Take a deep breath
And..

Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus
The good Lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of an irrational rationalization
It's just between you and me
Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see

Yeah, my chastity belt has locks
But sometimes you need to think outside the box!

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like RocketSurgeon76's post
22-08-2015, 11:52 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(22-08-2015 09:36 AM)RocketSurgeon76 Wrote:  
(21-08-2015 08:45 AM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  Ungodly? I thought it was God's loophole so girls could have sex while still technically being virgins... Consider




Already "Liked", but had to post on this. Brilliant! I haven't seen those two, but I love satire that addresses religious hypocrisy. They do an excellent job.

So much liking, I feel the need to post the lyrics:

Quote:All my life I've been good
Do what my mom and dad and God say I should
Go to church and Bible School
To live by God's rule

So whatever people tell me
That The Bible tells me
I will do

Walk the halls of high school with my purity ring
Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check
It was easy to do until I got a boyfriend
And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck

But I made a pact
To keep my hymen intact
And Jesus and I are tight

Never learned about the birds and the bees
I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees
Cause The Bible says premarital sex is wrong
But Jason says that guys can't wait that long

I don't want to lose him
To someone who'll do him
I need to figure something out

Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well
So I can get him off without going to hell
It's my Hail Mary, full of grace
In Jesus' name we go to fifth base!

Oh, thank you for making me holy
And thank you for giving me holes to choose from
And since I'm not a godless whore
He'll have to come in the back door
Therefore

Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus
The good Lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of a throbbing rationalization
It's just between you and me
Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see

It's hard to be as pure as me
To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity
To wait until my marriage bed
To give my husband my unsullied maiden head

So take your cock out
Shove it in my ass
Fuck me until you come

Oops! I mean let's join our souls
And unite our bodies
And fly with the wings of God

Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris
If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this
And no prophylactics when you put it in
Cause birth control's for sluts and it's a sin

I've emptied my bowels
And laid out the towels
I'm ready for romance

Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest
But of all of my holes, this ones the driest
And we can't procreate if we anally copulate
And God is OK with sodomy, but only if you're straight

And I'm staying pure, no matter what
So I'm OK with everything but...
Everything but...
Everything butt

Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus
The good Lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of a rock hard rationalization
It's just between you and me
Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see

I do whatever The Bible tells me to
Except for the parts that I choose to ignore
Because they're unrealistic and inconvenient
But the rest I live by for sure

So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shellfish, polyester and divorce
And how it condones slavery and killing gays because those parts don't count, of course
Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and mine it for ambiguities and omissions
To circumvent any real sacrifice, but still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted positions

And don't you dare question my convictions
And don't look closely at the contradictions
Just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion
And have faith in its complete jurisdiction

As the only way to measure if you're good or not
And in a debate, just say to “have faith”
Because when you're up against logic, it's the only card you've got

So close your eyes
Take a deep breath
And..

Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus
The good Lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of an irrational rationalization
It's just between you and me
Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see

Yeah, my chastity belt has locks
But sometimes you need to think outside the box!

I know what you mean. Thumbsup

Here's another one of their videos where they make fun of Pat Robertson comparing gay marriage to sex with ducks.




"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Can_of_Beans's post
23-08-2015, 04:03 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
[Image: yoohoo_midgetcomic.jpg]

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like Can_of_Beans's post
26-08-2015, 10:34 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
[Image: 11934707_671009842999892_416791914_n.jpg]

'Murican Canadian
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 10 users Like yakherder's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: