Offensive Joke Thread

[Vosur]

As the title suggests, this thread is meant to be a place where you can post your favorite offensive jokes. I'm going to start off with the ones I've heard so far. If it's not your type of humour, kindly move on.

Yesterday, I failed my biology exam. The question was: "Name something commonly found in cells." Apparently, "niggers" wasn't the right answer.

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A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend: "You won't believe what just happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her and then we had sex over and over again, all positions, everything. His friend replies: "That's great, did you get a blow job as well?" He responds: "Oh no, I never found her head."

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Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?

One of them comes back from the camp.

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How are women similar to condoms?

They're either on the end of your dick, or in your wallet.

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What do you say when you see your TV floating across the room in the middle of the night?

"Drop it, nigger."

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Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot.

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Why do Ethiopians give the best blowjobs?

Because you know they will swallow.

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What did the jewish paedophile say to the child?

"Hey kid, would you like to buy some candy?"

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A woman goes out clubbing and meets a handsome black dude. They go back to her place after a night of partying and drinking. As they're getting undressed, the woman slides up to the black dude and says: "Go on stud, show me what makes you black guys famous."

So he stabs her and runs off with her purse.

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My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarassing questions about sex. Just this morning, she asked me: "Is that the best you can do?"

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What's a word that begins with "N", end in "R" that you never want to call a black person?

Neighbour.

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What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

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What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her.

Looking forward to yours.

[Hughsie]

My new favourite thread !

[DLJ]

I am offended!

[Stark Raving]

A 17 year old girl approaches her father, and asks to borrow the car. The father replies, "you can borrow the car if you give me a blow job."

The girl is appalled, but desperately wants to borrow the car, so after some debate, she gives in and agrees to give her father a blow job.

After a couple seconds, she stops and says, "ew gross! Dad, your dick tastes like shit!", to which the father replies, "oh that's right. Your brother already asked to borrow the car tonight."

[FSM_scot]

I predict many jokes from sickipedia in this thread.

So here goes .

"A Vodka Martini please mate," I said as I pushed my way in front of two massive women in the cocktail bar.

"That's very rude!" one of them said. "Just for that you can buy ours! That'll be two margaritas."

"And two cheese and tomato pizzas for these fat cunts please."


"That's a sexy little outfit you're wearing," I said. "I bet you want my cock in you."

"Dave," my wife said, "do you know I can hear you on the baby monitor?"


Masturbating while looking in a mirror isn't wrong.

Unless it's a rear view mirror, and you're driving a school bus

[DLJ]

What's the difference between a lorry-load of babies and a lorry-load of sand?

...

You can't unload sand with a pitchfork.

[Bucky Ball]

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and see some little boys.
The priests says, "hey, lets screw 'em".
The rabbi says "out of what ?"

[DLJ]

Why do women have legs?

...

Have you seen the mess that slugs make?

[frankiej]

(17-09-2012 02:37 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Why do women have legs?

...

Have you seen the mess that slugs make?

I almost threw up.

[Chas]

I am offended. I will burn your embassy.