Offensive Joke Thread
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24-09-2012, 02:52 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
My favourite one "A face like she's been ram raiding on scooters". Big Grin

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25-09-2012, 03:35 AM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
I wouldn't ride her into battle.

My god, please stop this...

Big Grin

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25-09-2012, 01:51 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
Ladies, are you worried about dry skin? Concerned about lines and wrinkles?
Then visit a burns unit and get some fucking perspective!

Whilst shagging my wife last night, I huffed, rolled off and said, "It's like fucking an inflatable sex doll."
She looked at me completely shocked.
"You're not helping yourself here." I said.

Dating a single mother:

It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

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25-09-2012, 02:24 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
A cunt like a burst couch

Oh Jesus, oh sweet Jesus.

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25-09-2012, 04:25 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
Face like crimewatch.... body like baywatch Ohmy


St Peter is doing his shift at the pearly gates of heaven letting people in. One man approaches and Pete asks him what he died of.

"Is it not obvious, im full of holes,I got shot"

Pete looks in this massive book and then opens the gates and lets him in.

Next a big black Jamaican woman approaches and again Pete asks what was the caus of her death.

"Me die of crabs mannn"

Pete looks through his book and after some time a puzzled look comes across his face as he reaches the end of the book.

Pete asks her to repeat what she died of and again she says...... "Me die of crabs"

Pete goes through the book not once.... but twice and then shuts it.

"Well im puzzled" says pete "This book lists every single caus of death possible and crabs is not listed anywhere in there???"

The black woman replies "You die when you give them to big black Leeroy"

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You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

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25-09-2012, 04:35 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
(this is an old one)

Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are all working on a skyscraper and on their lunchbreak they all sit on the edge of the Steel frame and open their lunchboxes.

Englishman: Fucking hell cheese and pickle sandwiches again... I swear if I get this tommorrow im gonna jump off this building.
Scotsman: Haggis sandwiches again... if I get this tommorow ill join you.
Irishman: Potato sandwiches... Ill join you boys if I get this again as well.

The next day lunch time comes and the englishman opens up his lunchbox... takes a look inside and leaps off to his death. The scotsman opens up his lunchbox, peers inside his sandwich and also jumps to his death. The Irishman looks in his box and also leaps off the building.

A few days later the company they work for kindly hold a triple funeral for them and the three widows of the men are all talking about their husbands.

"I cant believe he did it... If id only have know he hated cheese and pickle" said the english widow.

"I know... I thought he loved his haggis sandwiches" said the scottish widow.

"I just dont get what happened" said the irish widow.... "He used to make his own sandwiches"

Tongue

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

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25-09-2012, 07:28 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
What's the difference between a black man and Batman?

Batman can go into a store without Robin.

Bury me with my guns on, so when I reach the other side - I can show him what it feels like to die.
Bury me with my guns on, so when I'm cast out of the sky, I can shoot the devil right between the eyes.
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27-09-2012, 02:43 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
I was sitting in traffic today when suddenly I saw a naked woman bouncing down the street past me with her hands and feet tied together and a gag in her mouth.

"That's the fucking funniest thing I've ever seen!" I thought, as I shared a smile with the guy in the car beside me.

Laughter soon turned to panic though, when I looked in my rear view mirror and saw that my boot was open.


The headmaster at Bishop Bell school in Eastbourne is said to be outraged with Maths teacher Jeremy...."we had discussions last week and I made it clear that his actions were ill informed....Megan is lovely but Jessica in the 4th grade has far better tits."

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27-09-2012, 03:45 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
"Wanna play Rape?"

"No."

"That's the spirit!"
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30-09-2012, 01:48 PM
RE: The offensive jokes thread
My wife fell in the lion pit at the zoo. It was carnage.
She crushed four of them.

"Hey, it's the week-end!" says the wife. "What's planned?

"Well," I say, "we've got a cheese and wine party with the neighbours, followed by group anal fisting, POV blowjobs, missionary-spreadeagled-legs-in-the-air-ass-and-cunt, ATM, BDSM, reverse cowboy close-up, money shots, some cream-pie, titcums and facials, and the usual rimming and water sports."

"What the fuck's a cheese and wine party?"

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