Offensive Joke Thread

[earmuffs]

(02-11-2012 05:56 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  I want to poke your eye as punishment, Muffs.

You and your damned puns.

Pass on the eye poking, that sounds punful.

[Dark Light]

A guy from Alabama passed away and left his entire estate to his
beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

[Logica Humano]

A bloke goes for an eye appointment at his optician.

Optician: I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating.
Bloke: Why? Is it making my eyes weaker?
Optician: No - it's upsetting all my other patients!

Just kidding.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple waits until you're 13 before coming on your face.

[Buddy Christ]

From the Brothers Brothers sketch on In Living Color:

What do you call a black man in a three piece suit?
The defendant.

Why are police cars black and white?
Blacks in the back, whites in the front.

Why is aspirin white?
You want it to WORK for you, don't you?

--------

How do you swat 200 flies at one time?
Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

What's the difference between a black man and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

What's black and blue and hates sex?
The 12 year old in my trunk.

What do you throw a Mexican man when he's drowning?
His wife and kids.

[FSM_scot]

I waited until we were alone in the church before approaching him.

"Father?" I said, causing him to turn and look at me.

"I'm sure you won't remember me Father, but 20 years ago I was one of the altar boys you brutally abused."

I could see immediate panic and shame in his eyes as he struggled to find words, "I.. I don't know.."

"Save it Father," I said unbuckling my trousers, "It's payback time."

"Please.. No.." He pleaded.

"On your knees Father," I commanded, "or I go to the authorities and you'll be ruined."

As he slowly sunk to the floor in resignation, I felt a satisfied grin forming on my face.



I'd never met the old cunt before, but I've found it's an almost sure fire way of getting a free blowjob.

[Filox]

A guy catches a frog. She speaks to him:
"Let me go and I will grant you 3 wishes"
The guys just kicks the frog and while she was flying through the air he wishes for a Bently. When he came home, there was a Bentley in front of his house, with his name on the registration plates. Suddenly he realized what he has done, so he ran back to find the frog. After some searching he managed to find it, but she told him that he now needs to fuck her in order to get his other 2 wishes.
"What, forget it, I'm not fucking a frog" - he said
"Well then, you won't get you other 2 wishes then" - the frog replied
So the poor man agreed to fuck her and as he was fucking her, she turns into a beautiful 16 year old girl...
"And that's the truth, Your Honor, I swear it happened just like that..."

[BizzysaidAss]

I guess my white side like the nigger jokes xD lol just kidding but i do enjoy them .

[Bucky Ball]

What did Jebus say to Mohommad?
Lighten-up Mo. You're always blowing things up out of proportion.

[Vosur]

Why is it that Mexicans and black people don't have children?

They are afraid of having kids that are too lazy to steal.

[Logica Humano]

Abortion - it brings out the kid in you.