Offensive Joke Thread
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23-06-2014, 10:30 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(23-06-2014 10:23 PM)DemonicLemon Wrote:  
(23-06-2014 10:15 PM)pablo628 Wrote:  I haven't read all of this thread so sorry if it's been told already.

What's worse than a truckload of dead babies?

Unloading them with a pitchfork.
(I'm ignorant on how to do spoiler boxes)

For spoiler boxes, type [spoiler ][ /spoiler] without the space between the r and ], [ and /.

Quote my post to see it in action.

thanks!
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25-06-2014, 04:07 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
[Image: 10513488_601805299937121_4160934466068448736_n.jpg]

“You see… sometimes life gives you lemons. And when that happens… you need to find some spell that makes lemons explode, because lemons are terrible. I only ate them once and I can say with certainty they are the worst fruit. If life gave me lemons, I would view it as nothing short of a declaration of war."
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25-06-2014, 04:54 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Gasp No! Not Buzz and Woody!

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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25-06-2014, 02:41 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(25-06-2014 04:54 AM)Dee Wrote:  Gasp No! Not Buzz and Woody!

Seriously, is nothing sacred?

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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25-06-2014, 02:48 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Read this thread.

In pain.

LLaughing too hard.

Send help
Lmfaoats

"Presumably man with hair on fire can be used to cook eggs and bacon..."MorondogLaugh out load
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25-06-2014, 09:52 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Some aren't offensive and some definitely are...

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, that guy's heading for a breakdown.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .."Blow that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said "You're obviously not listening."

The wife has been missing a week now.
Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London .
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.

The wife was counting all the 5ps and 10ps out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

A teddy bear is working on a building site.
He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen.
The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."

Murphy says to Paddy, "What ya talkin into an envelope for?"
"I'm sending a voicemail ya thick eejit !"

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.

19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."

Some were lol funny Smile

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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25-06-2014, 09:57 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
[Image: 4703909+_5589365b1ce13ab73f31417c8e4046e3.jpg]

[Image: hyena_icon_large_by_griffsnuff-d3juy9l.gif] Capoeira status:NO CORD
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25-06-2014, 09:58 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread



[Image: hyena_icon_large_by_griffsnuff-d3juy9l.gif] Capoeira status:NO CORD
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25-06-2014, 10:05 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Yo momma's so fat

She died tragically due to her obesity.



Angel

[Image: ezgif_save_1.gif]
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25-06-2014, 10:43 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
(25-06-2014 10:05 PM)TSG Wrote:  Yo momma's so fat

She died tragically due to her obesity.



Angel

BOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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