Offensive Joke Thread
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03-12-2014, 09:32 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
A friend recently put a radio in his car that uses voice recognition. If you say "soul," it plays soul. If you say "rock," it plays rock. One day three children ran in front of his car making him slam on the brakes and yell "fucking kids!"

The radio played Michael Jackson.

Lead us not into temptation. Just point us in the right direction.
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05-12-2014, 10:55 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Why is Kentucky fried Chicken like a woman?

Once you have finished with the breast and thighs all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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08-12-2014, 09:10 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Do you know the difference between a cult and a religion?

In a cult there is one guy at the very top who knows that it is all bullshit, in a religion that guy is dead.

(OK, not that offensive on this forum - LOL)
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06-01-2015, 07:34 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
What does someone with celiac disease say after they take communion?

HOLY SHIT!!!

Lead us not into temptation. Just point us in the right direction.
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15-01-2015, 04:01 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Abortion,

It brings out the child in you.

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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18-01-2015, 12:57 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
[Image: Oy5b06c.jpg]

People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian". Well nobody is laughing now!

You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon.
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20-01-2015, 12:41 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
[Image: portable-dishwasher_zpsiqoidix2.jpg]
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26-01-2015, 06:49 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Stole these from a facebook friend:


Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his
morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what
he did, to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high, and you'll have great sexual
stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed
any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?" She said, “Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”
He said, "I want five loaves.”

She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can’t believe everybody knows about this but me!


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It was an old country store in a small town, the kind where shelves of food were behind the counter and you handed your list to the cute gal stationed there and she gathered it all for you. Folks didn't often ask for the raisin bread back then, so it was relegated to the top shelf. The young lady would have to climb to the top of the ladder and lean way over to reach the raisin bread, and kick her leg out the other way for balance. Didn't matter how long her skirt, for that maneuver soon caught the attention of the young bucks who quickly learned to ask for raisin bread, and she'd oblige by clambering up that ladder and give them a nice view up her skirt. Soon enough the word got out and raisin bread became very popular. The young lady eventually tired of climbing the ladder, so that one day when she was up there for the third or forth time fetching the bread, she noticed the old man approaching the counter where the young man already stood. Thinking she could save herself another trip up that ladder, she looked down at him and with a touch of annoyance in her voice she asked, "I suppose yours is raisin too?" To which he replied, "Nope, but it's twitching a mite."
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26-01-2015, 07:18 PM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
Working on a research study. One of the questions is to determine the race of the study participant. My friend says if the name is Yolanda, there is no need to look for further documentation. Gasp Tongue

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein Certified Ancient Astronaut Theorist and Levitating yogi, CAAT-LY.
Assistant Manager, Vice Detection, Whoville : Jebus no likey that which doth tickle thee unto thy nether regions.

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Today, 01:43 AM
RE: Offensive Joke Thread
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

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A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."

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A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah that's the one."

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Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate - they'll kill your dog.

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I was walking around town the other day when I saw these two jerk-offs wearing matching outfits, I mean, down to the belt same outfits, so I yelled to over to them "Hey faggots did you plan that?"
Anyways, they arrested me.

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Food is like dark humor - not everyone gets it.

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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

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Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even.

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A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building. He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

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So I heard that the hackers "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda. Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!

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We should have known about the failure of communism. In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags.
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