Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
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11-12-2011, 10:20 PM
RE: Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
(11-12-2011 10:11 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(11-12-2011 09:57 PM)houseofcantor Wrote:  I never got into Red Dwarf either. Like the Preach said, it should have been cool. Firefly was cool, Red Dwarf was stupid... How about KC as the Purifier?

Come on, broski, Firefly ain't cool. Firefly is flippin' über awesome!!!

I was fucking surprised. I was in the joint when that shit ran; me and my cellie tuned in regularly. Wink

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11-12-2011, 10:23 PM
RE: Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
(11-12-2011 10:20 PM)houseofcantor Wrote:  
(11-12-2011 10:11 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(11-12-2011 09:57 PM)houseofcantor Wrote:  I never got into Red Dwarf either. Like the Preach said, it should have been cool. Firefly was cool, Red Dwarf was stupid... How about KC as the Purifier?

Come on, broski, Firefly ain't cool. Firefly is flippin' über awesome!!!

I was fucking surprised. I was in the joint when that shit ran; me and my cellie tuned in regularly. Wink

I was late to the rodeo so I watched it on DVD...Twice. Actually just saw some bits and pieces of Serendipity on TV the other night. Nice for nostalgia, but I didn't like what they did to our friends.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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16-12-2011, 10:41 AM
RE: Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
I've been working some more on my testimony for KC in another thread. Here ya go:

Evidence for me not being elect:

Growing up, I was always proud of my Christianity and whenever my parents talked about Jesus I soaked up every word. I thought church was fun, and I found the stories stirred my imagination and made me want to know more.

I finally accepted Jesus as my own savior at the age of 6, and in college it became my official belief, as I began to rip Christianity apart with the use of logic and rationality, but couldn't shake my own belief. I wouldn't combat Christians on the Internet via forums because these things did not exist in the 80's. But I was good at being skeptical about other things outside my Christianity so I knew I was rather intelligent.

Driving home from work one day, my life changed. My heart was opened to the realization that there really is no higher power; even though I thought I knew whom it was before. I'll try my best to explain this: I found myself suddenly and sincerely praying and listening to this higher power for guidance. Yet there was nothing. No response, no change. This was wholly strange to me because up until that moment I believed in a God that I could talk to. (Actually it took about 8 years for this to happen).

My beliefs so drastically changed than I began to get angry with myself. I didn't understand how for so many years I could rationally accept that there was a higher power that I could converse with. It wasn't logical. Also, I wanted to talk to a higher power, and I didn't understand how I couldn't do it any longer. My knowledge of religion pre-empted the idea that I had to choose to walk away from it because I knew I was one of the elect and I knew that NOTHING could separate me from the love of God.

Throughout my life, the higher power led me to read and study the Bible. This was the first time that I had absolutely no more desire to do it. It was at this time that I realized that the higher power I was talking to that I thought was the Christian God was no longer there. However, I still didn’t understand why I didn’t make this choice before. As my studying intensified, I began to learn about evolution and delusion and superstition and the way the brain works. And then, it made sense. I realized that then the reason I didn’t have a choice before was because I was delusional and stuck in false tradition and I realized finally that I did have a choice and could drop the pretenses of believing in a God who wasn't there.

I knew that I was an atheist because I learned that those who are atheists don't hear the will of God because the will of God doesn't exist. I was fooling myself for all those years when I thought that God had chosen me and Jesus would have died only for me if I had been the only elect.

So, that’s my evidence. I guess the most concrete part of it is the fact that my beliefs radically changed and became cemented by no choice but my own.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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18-12-2011, 01:12 PM
RE: Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
I read the entire thread. I feel ya bro. Some parts sound very familiar.

Thanks for sharing.

Oh, no Hallucinations 4:11 says the 'gilded sheep should be stewed in rat blood' but Morons 5:16 contradicts it. (Chas)

I would never shake a baby unless the recipe requires it.
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18-12-2011, 01:22 PM
RE: Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
(18-12-2011 01:12 PM)Malleus Wrote:  I read the entire thread. I feel ya bro. Some parts sound very familiar.

Thanks for sharing.

Yeah, I think we have had some common struggles in our escape from the Church. At least you were smart enough to figure it out before it did too much mental damage! Undecided

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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18-12-2011, 01:43 PM
RE: Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
Oh, no, the damage was thorough.

I lost my first wife, I became estranged from my family and friends and I was constantly obsessing about religious topics in every waking minute. Or I was praying for an answer. When I couldn't take it any more I was listening to hard rock all the time to shut up my thoughts.

I nearly lost my job (a good one too) because I had such a deep depression that I was nearly unable to function. I constantly wished to die and i came very close to a suicidal episode.

When it became too much for me to take I said to myself: that's it! Today I will jump from the top of the tallest building I can find. And in that moment I relaxed for the first time in many months, I was able to put everything in perspective and I saw a way.

From that moment I rebuilt my life from zero. I started going to University (to learn to do something actually useful to society), I regained trust at work, I recovered my family and some of my friends, I dumped the wife (she played a big role in it all, she hated what I was becoming, she saw me sliding towards suicide and I believe she was hoping I would do it, so she wouldn't have to go through the "shame" of a divorce) and I started accepting my new self. Dennett's book came much later when I already had the answers

So no, I wouldn't say I came out undamaged.

Oh, no Hallucinations 4:11 says the 'gilded sheep should be stewed in rat blood' but Morons 5:16 contradicts it. (Chas)

I would never shake a baby unless the recipe requires it.
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18-12-2011, 01:59 PM
RE: Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
*gives away a few of her hugs to all religiously damaged people here*
*hugs herself too*
At least we can all say that we found the way out of all that nonsense be it christian, moslem, jew, witch or whatever Smile
It is a lot nicer to live without delusions - at least in my opinion

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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18-12-2011, 02:02 PM
RE: Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
(18-12-2011 01:43 PM)Malleus Wrote:  Oh, no, the damage was thorough.

I lost my first wife, I became estranged from my family and friends and I was constantly obsessing about religious topics in every waking minute. Or I was praying for an answer. When I couldn't take it any more I was listening to hard rock all the time to shut up my thoughts.

I nearly lost my job (a good one too) because I had such a deep depression that I was nearly unable to function. I constantly wished to die and i came very close to a suicidal episode.

When it became too much for me to take I said to myself: that's it! Today I will jump from the top of the tallest building I can find. And in that moment I relaxed for the first time in many months, I was able to put everything in perspective and I saw a way.

From that moment I rebuilt my life from zero. I started going to University (to learn to do something actually useful to society), I regained trust at work, I recovered my family and some of my friends, I dumped the wife (she played a big role in it all, she hated what I was becoming, she saw me sliding towards suicide and I believe she was hoping I would do it, so she wouldn't have to go through the "shame" of a divorce) and I started accepting my new self. Dennett's book came much later when I already had the answers

So no, I wouldn't say I came out undamaged.

Ah, so sorry, Brotha, I must have misread your story earlier, thinking you were a young college dude. Damn, my suffering has all been pretty much internal, mostly just affecting me. Malleus, I am so sorry to hear the extent of what you've had to go through.

I sure get the depression and suicide stuff though. Honestly, I'm not out of those woods, yet, myself. I'm actually in a place right now where the meds are apparently making me worse, but without them? I probably wouldn't be here, full-stop. I probably would have lost my job several months ago, but I have a very understanding boss who is giving me time and space to get the pieces put back together. I've thought many a time that it's a good thing I stayed single or I would have had to have added the pain of losing a theist spouse as well.

Your experience makes me wonder how prevalent depression and suicide are for folks who are trying to live a Post Christian life. I'd go do a study of it right now, but I might be too depressed at what I find.

Thanks for sharing. It's good to know we're not alone, eh?

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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18-12-2011, 02:39 PM (This post was last modified: 18-12-2011 03:03 PM by Malleus.)
RE: Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
(18-12-2011 02:02 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  Ah, so sorry, Brotha, I must have misread your story earlier, thinking you were a young college dude. Damn, my suffering has all been pretty much internal, mostly just affecting me. Malleus, I am so sorry to hear the extent of what you've had to go through.

I sure get the depression and suicide stuff though. Honestly, I'm not out of those woods, yet, myself. I'm actually in a place right now where the meds are apparently making me worse, but without them? I probably wouldn't be here, full-stop. I probably would have lost my job several months ago, but I have a very understanding boss who is giving me time and space to get the pieces put back together. I've thought many a time that it's a good thing I stayed single or I would have had to have added the pain of losing a theist spouse as well.

Your experience makes me wonder how prevalent depression and suicide are for folks who are trying to live a Post Christian life. I'd go do a study of it right now, but I might be too depressed at what I find.

Thanks for sharing. It's good to know we're not alone, eh?

Totally.

I am not a student, but I think I am younger than you. I graduated Theology in 2004 and shortly after that my change started. This year I graduated Economics and I immediately emigrated (I had prepared everything for an entire year, waiting to graduate).

I was never medicated (or even consulted) for my depression. I got the full load undiluted and I was in that state for at least 9 months before I decided that I can't and won't live like this any more. When I said it loud to myself - and believed it - "today I die", suddenly there was silence in my head.

For the first time since it started I had no problems, I was a dead man. My wife, combined family, friends, job? Fuck'em, I'm dead. They didn't care enough to help me before I get here, so why should I care what they think?

Fuck'em? Yeah... (silence)

What now?

And I found a good answer for every question included in "what now?" And none of it included suicide.

On the other hand, after me turning slowly into a vegetable for months, they never saw me coming when I came out of it.

I got my family together and called them all idiots. What the fuck were you doing around here? All this time I was in front of you. Didn't any of you fuckers see and/or care that I was going to kill myself? BTW, I'm going to get a divorce. Questions?

Then I visited my in-laws to give my 3 weeks' notice.

At work I only needed to start doing my work right and things got back on track.

And so on.

I'm not saying that anybody has to go through all these stages. I'm just saying there is light at the end of it. My darkness was really dark, but I really got my shit together and I wouldn't trade a year "after" for a hundred years "before".

You have no idea how good it feels to live free from religion after you got through the dark stage. Hang in there.
This was my leitmotif during the "dark ages"




Oh, no Hallucinations 4:11 says the 'gilded sheep should be stewed in rat blood' but Morons 5:16 contradicts it. (Chas)

I would never shake a baby unless the recipe requires it.
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19-12-2011, 09:12 AM
 
RE: Ok, that's it. Calling out Erxomai.
Oi!That Erxy.
He's a crazy dickface, that he is.
OH.This thread isn't here to criticise him? Oops.
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