One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
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04-09-2012, 05:59 PM
One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
A couple nights ago I had a complete emotional break down, the day was actually wonderful. I spend the whole day with the family we all went school shopping, surprised the kids by going to be mall pretty far away, it was a great day. When I got home though I don't know what happened, I started writing in my journal and was thinking about all of these things, I wrote and sobbed for over 2 hours (through the entire Muppets Christmas Carol (lol, don't worry I hid my face from the kids, but my husband knew that I was crying). I just wrote and wrote and wrote but repeated myself about how I feel alone, I with I wasn't an atheist but I know too much, I wish I had never started looking, if this is it I wish my husband and kids had better I need to be perfect but I can't, now my kids will suffer like me and my husband and bla bla bla on and on about how I hate myself for all of this. Kids went to bed and my husband asked me about what was going on to which I sobbed even harder repeating myself. Telling him I was sorry I put doubt in his head the this kids will suffer because there is no afterlife no god watching over us no one helping us. I said maybe I need to stop, stop this forum, stop reading, stop watching debates, stop all of it. Maybe then i could just lie to myself. He said he didn't want to live a lie, and told me he thought I needed to keep doing all of it because it sounds like the limbo of where I am is making me crazy. I know that has truth to it because I feel like I am at this line and once I go over (even though I probably realistically already have) then I can never go back (probably couldn't if I tried anyways now). The thought petrifies me. He held me for the last 3 hours we had to sleep and I still feel sad , alone, and depressed. I thought I would post it, maybe you guys can help, give me advice, my husband did say to keep going and he thinks thats what will help. Right now though I am miserable.

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04-09-2012, 06:02 PM
RE: One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
*hugs*

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04-09-2012, 06:03 PM
RE: One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
Thanks for sharing Alice, I know how you feel, and it may sound rather insensitive for me to say but you got to keep moving onward. Try spending more time with your family, keep your mind off of hell and other things, I wouldn't blame you if you quit the forum but we'll always be here for you if you need to talk to someone. Heart

You can feel free to message me on here, skype, and if you live in the US I'll give you my cell. I can do voice chats too if you want to hear a friendly southern voice.

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04-09-2012, 06:06 PM
RE: One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
You have a great husband. And he is right, keep going and keep learning. It does get better, at least it has for me. It even gets empowering. And death is not so scary and doom filled. Things become beautiful even for the truth they are, and always have been.

Were you sad for the time before you were born? That's how it will be when you die. Do you remember your great great great great great great grandmother and mourn the loss of her? This is how your future great (etc) grandkids will feel. And as for any loss in this lifetime, whether or not you believe you will feel it and cope with it because that is what you were always going to do.

Allow yourself these sad times. You are mourning a loss of a life that you had. But also take time and explore the new life you are getting in return, because it is an awe inspiring and beautiful one. Smile
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04-09-2012, 06:07 PM
RE: One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
(04-09-2012 05:59 PM)Alice Wrote:  Telling him I was sorry I put doubt in his head the this kids will suffer because there is no afterlife no god watching over us no one helping us.

Well, I doubt I can help, but I will say that no afterlife means no suffering after death. That is surely a good thing. There isn't a god helping us at anything... the world wouldn't be as fucked up as it is if there was. He either doesn't exist or is totally useless, so it doesn't actually matter.

Anyway, have some of muff's mum's mac n cheese to cheer yourself up.

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04-09-2012, 06:08 PM
RE: One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
Watch the Matrix - do you really want the steak in lieu of real life? My wife went through similar emotions. Leaving religion, finding out Jesus isn't your best fiend hurts as bad as losing a parent. It's a grieving process. Accept that you're going through the stages of greif. No good answers, no easy fix, but you're on a path to recovery Smile

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04-09-2012, 06:12 PM
RE: One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
(04-09-2012 06:08 PM)Seasbury Wrote:  Watch the Matrix - do you really want the steak in lieu of real life? My wife went through similar emotions. Leaving religion, finding out Jesus isn't your best fiend hurts as bad as losing a parent. It's a grieving process. Accept that you're going through the stages of greif. No good answers, no easy fix, but you're on a path to recovery Smile

Thats a great way of putting in its like grieving a parent, it is a grieving process. its just hard to accept and makes me want to fix it, but its seems as if I cant, I can only go through it.

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04-09-2012, 06:12 PM
RE: One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
(I wish I didn't cry so easily it's embarassing)

Seriously though, I went through a process similar to yours (not nearly as severe though) and cried a lot. However you have done something wonderful in freeing yourself and your husband from the grips of religion and have paved the way towards a new freethinking life away from the malevolent sky daddy.

*hugs*

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04-09-2012, 06:14 PM
RE: One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
(04-09-2012 06:03 PM)Red Tornado Wrote:  Thanks for sharing Alice, I know how you feel, and it may sound rather insensitive for me to say but you got to keep moving onward. Try spending more time with your family, keep your mind off of hell and other things, I wouldn't blame you if you quit the forum but we'll always be here for you if you need to talk to someone. Heart

You can feel free to message me on here, skype, and if you live in the US I'll give you my cell. I can do voice chats too if you want to hear a friendly southern voice.

Not insensitive at all, thank you. I'll probably never leave the United States lol, maybe after I retire soooo like 30 years or maybe 50 if Romney wins (Just kidding!!! Kinda).

“The highest activity a human being can attain is learning for understanding, because to understand is to be free.”
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04-09-2012, 06:18 PM
RE: One of the worst emotional nights I've ever had
(04-09-2012 06:06 PM)LadyJane Wrote:  You have a great husband. And he is right, keep going and keep learning. It does get better, at least it has for me. It even gets empowering. And death is not so scary and doom filled. Things become beautiful even for the truth they are, and always have been.

Were you sad for the time before you were born? That's how it will be when you die. Do you remember your great great great great great great grandmother and mourn the loss of her? This is how your future great (etc) grandkids will feel. And as for any loss in this lifetime, whether or not you believe you will feel it and cope with it because that is what you were always going to do.

Allow yourself these sad times. You are mourning a loss of a life that you had. But also take time and explore the new life you are getting in return, because it is an awe inspiring and beautiful one. Smile

I guess I mourning and grieving ALOT of things, my past life, the future one I thought I was going to have (with people I lost and a "god" I loved), a god/jesus that I thought was my "father". Then just knowing more grieving is probably going to come like what about if my family finds out, I haven't started to think about the people I was close to that died that I never really coped with their death because you were suppose to see them again lol. What a nightmare! And it makes me mad soooo mad I'm 28 years old and am literally going through this because people played a big game of telephone and decided it was fact.

“The highest activity a human being can attain is learning for understanding, because to understand is to be free.”
― Baruch Spinoza
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