One toe out of the closet...
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08-04-2013, 03:06 PM
One toe out of the closet...
[brief history]
- I am atheist/agnostic/unknown and still in the closet = still going to church with wife and kids...

This past Sunday wife was filling negative about going to church. She said there was just go reason for her to go. The sunday school class has been rude to her, the sermons are not inspiring, and the choir (she is in it) is not singing today.

So, we stayed home. I was happy because since I'm coming to terms with my new-found non-religious attitude this gives me free time to get stuff done and enjoy my Sunday.

I have not shared with wife my non-religious views because I'm still realizing them myself and when the word atheist came up a week ago in a discussion she mentioned that it was a very scary thing for her to think about (life without god).

Anyway - since she was sharing how unhappy she was with religion I decided to just put a toe out of the closet and express how much I share in the unhappiness. I also went so far as to tell her that I doubt my faith at times and that I've only prayed 5 times in my life and none of those were in the last 15 years.

I think maybe I might just slowly inch my way out of the closet instead of bursting out...
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08-04-2013, 03:32 PM
RE: One toe out of the closet...
I'm in your shoes, too. My wife is a Catholic who disagrees with the church about abortion and gay marriage. I haven't found the courage to admit that my aversion to Christianity has gone way further than hers. As I proceed with this very delicate coming out process, I'll be happy to share my progress with you, and hopefully learn from your progress as well.
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09-04-2013, 03:14 PM
RE: One toe out of the closet...
Maybe you should have a talk about why God is so important in her life. And why atheism is so scary to her.

Like, ask her "what does it mean to you, being a Christian, believing in God", and then ask her if any of that would change, is she no longer believed.
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09-04-2013, 03:20 PM
RE: One toe out of the closet...
Your wife's reason for going might just be the choir and the community-feeling that provides. Reminds me of the Tim Minchen song...







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09-04-2013, 06:31 PM
RE: One toe out of the closet...
There seems to be a stigma that having religion makes you somehow more virtuous than someone without. Making that final step of accepting yourself (your wife) can be hard because of this. Once you/she realizes that this is absolutely not the case, it is much easier. I, too, dealt with overcoming those misconceptions and finally realized that it is okay to be atheistic. For me and (probably most) others, atheism is not a choice, it's a conclusion. So, after you conclude that A+B=C, you just need to accept that it is perfectly fine to equal C. In fact, in time, you'll look at others and wonder how they can't make the same conclusion.

If you're not a minority, you are now. :-)

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12-04-2013, 09:08 AM
RE: One toe out of the closet...
Aramus,

I agree with MuffinPuffin about talking to her first about her faith and the strength of it and see how she handles that conversation.

I'm not sure how much research or reading you've done on atheism/agnosticism but maybe picking up a book by Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris or Richard Dawkins would be a good starting point for you, once you get into these books/articles/blogs, etc. it will give you some talking points in helping you discuss this with your wife. On that note, if she starts to understand your skepticism or disbelief maybe she too will find these books helpful/comforting.
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