Oops?
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22-06-2013, 10:24 PM
Oops?
So tonight, I asked my dad if I could spend the night at a friends, and my dad texted me back that I couldn't and I needed to come home soon because we have church the next day. And for some reason, I sort of snapped and texted him "But I don't even believe in God."

That wasn't really how I was planning to come out of the atheist closet, but it happened. So we have this big text fight. He tells me he's very, very disapointed in me, and he sits there telling me that I do believe in God, and I shouldn't let me friends tell me what to believe, and I told him I don't, and that I'm not some impressionable young girl.

The rest of the night he just hasn't looked at me, or talked to me and I really don't know what to do. I knew he wouldn't be okay with the fact that I'm an athiest, which is why I hadn't told him yet. And call me silly, but I don't like having my parents be disappointed in me. Any advice?
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23-06-2013, 12:25 AM
RE: Oops?
Be calm. Be cool. Life goes on. Be pleasant. It's your life. You don't have to live it for them. They have their own lives. You're not a "little replica of them" however much they might want that. They'll get over it. If they don't, it's their problem. You could ask them if they would rather you lie to them. They can't want that, really. It takes some parents longer than others to realize you're not a little clone of them.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein
Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music - Friedrich Nietzsche
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23-06-2013, 02:36 AM
RE: Oops?
Bet he didn't expect that Smile I like that you're so honest and you can't really hide it. What Bucky said. Would your parents rather you lied and pretended ? The difficult bit is getting them to realize that it's your decision and your right to believe what ever *you* think is true. Many parents will try to force their kids to act in a certain way, and depending on the age of the kids, they may be able to do it - it's not easy to stand up to your parents.

Just remember, whatever the outcome of *this* battle, *you are in the right*. Not because of *what* you believe, but because it is your right to not have their belief forced on you.
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23-06-2013, 07:59 AM
RE: Oops?
Here's what you need to do.
Walk up to your father and repeat the following:

"Father, you may be disappointed in me for my beliefs, but your behavior in reaction to hearing my beliefs is disappointing to me.
You are my father and are suppose to support me in me making my own life choices, not dictate them for me. This silent treatment is very childish and I would have expected that someone of your age would understand that this is not easy for me and would support their own daughter in this time, not prosecute her.
I am very disappointed in you, you should be ashamed of your actions."

Or something to that effect.

And then walk away calmly.
If he tries to interrupt you, interrupt him back and tell him to let you finish.
And when he starts to talk after you finished and are walking away, tell him that he should think about what you said before he responds.

Nothing like a bit of guilt factor to swing a persons mind. You gotta come across as the innocent girl who's just trying to find her own way in the world without her parents interjecting.
Maybe throw something in there like "are you always going to be this upset when I want to do things my own way and not your way? What if I don't go to the university you want me too, what if I don't get the job you want me too?? It's my life to live, not yours and you should let me live it the way that I want too and let me make my own success or mistakes".


Basically, don't let him bully you and let him know when he is. Ride that guilt train for him being a bully.

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23-06-2013, 08:02 AM
RE: Oops?
To let my parents understand that I am the one who makes choices for myself, it took me 10 years.

Things actually have gotten better when I am fully financially independent.

So, if you still need your parents' financial support, treat them a little nicer, and consider this *god thing* as a kind of "service" if you have to, or as a kind of "responsibility" which you have to take on your shoulders for the moment.

What do you think about it ?

Want something? Then do something.
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23-06-2013, 02:03 PM
RE: Oops?
Bucky Ball, morondog, earmuffs, and HU.Junyuan are right. Whatever happens, remember you're entitled to believe what you want and no one can ever take that away from you, not even your dad. Don't let anyone convince you you're wrong.

They can force you to attend church, but they can't force you to believe.
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23-06-2013, 02:37 PM
RE: Oops?
So, you shouldn't let friends tell you what to believe but you should let your father and the church tell you....hmmm....parents.

Sounds like this really caught your father off guard and he really doesn't know what to say or do.

Stay calm and rational. If you get too combative they will blame on your 'loss of faith'.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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23-06-2013, 03:04 PM
RE: Oops?
(23-06-2013 02:37 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Sounds like this really caught your father off guard and he really doesn't know what to say or do.

^^ This^^ From the parent point of view, he was probably blind sided and is trying to wrap his brain around this. YOU have had plenty of time to work thru these thoughts-he was just blasted with your new (and to him) very profound way of life.

Many times parents just need a bit to get their shit together. They don't want to fly of the handle, and he knows this is a delicate time in your relationship. He's probably trying to gather his thoughts (and his plan of action). Hopefully, he will want to talk soon.

Parents are people too and when their children drop bombshells on them out of nowhere it can really throw them for a loop. Give him a day or two, if nothing has come about , then approach the subject calmly. I would suggest avoiding battling the ins & outs of what is true and what isn't and just focus on your choice to follow what you feel is right-rather than being forced to believe what they want.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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23-06-2013, 07:10 PM
RE: Oops?
What B&A said and when you do bring up the topic do it in neutral territory like on a walk around the neighborhood or in a park. Outside the home most people are more reserved and circumspect.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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24-06-2013, 09:57 PM
RE: Oops?
Just wondering how things are going for you?


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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