Oops?
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25-06-2013, 05:32 AM
RE: Oops?
(22-06-2013 10:24 PM)AddyCat Wrote:  That wasn't really how I was planning to come out of the atheist closet, but it happened. So we have this big text fight. He tells me he's very, very disapointed in me, and he sits there telling me that I do believe in God, and I shouldn't let me friends tell me what to believe, and I told him I don't, and that I'm not some impressionable young girl.

The rest of the night he just hasn't looked at me, or talked to me and I really don't know what to do. I knew he wouldn't be okay with the fact that I'm an athiest, which is why I hadn't told him yet. And call me silly, but I don't like having my parents be disappointed in me. Any advice?
You can tell your parents about all the ways that Bible disappoints you. (see the main TTA page for hints) It's a mess from moral, historical, factual and practical point of view. If we need an army of apologists and heaps of theologic books to wrap our lives around it, what is it good for?

Do your parents want you to believe blindly in anything, be it your friends or themselves, the parental authority? Why did they have a child, to make another copy of themselves, or someone who will have greater standards and aims? Tell him you can make better and more moral decisions. Tell him everyone does that anyway. Have you ever seen anyone tell a woman to shut up in a church? (1 Corinthians 14:34)

But as others say, save that for a time when you have a talk. You are not guilty of anything. If anything, the Bible is guilty for not providing any good evidence for god. Your parents are not stupid and you do not imply that they are stupid. We just don't think through all the areas of our lives, some we just leave as we get them from our upbringing. Well, for one you didn't, that's all.

Btw, some podcasts I listened to suggest, that coming out works best in advance, if you object to faith for years before coming out as an atheist officially, then everyone's used to it.

Yeah, and news please Smile
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25-06-2013, 01:17 PM
RE: Oops?
Hi. Thanks for all the advice.

I've been waiting a couple days to see if they'll do anything, and my parents haven't said anything. If my dad doesn't bring the conversation up, I'm going to confront him soon. I've been trying to give him time to think it over.

I'll post with news after I talk to my dad.
Thanks for the support!
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25-06-2013, 01:29 PM
RE: Oops?
(25-06-2013 01:17 PM)AddyCat Wrote:  I'm going to confront him soon.

The harder you go in (confront vs talk with)... the more likely it is that he will be pushed to be unreasonable. I'd try to feel him out as much as possible first, give him an idea of where the conversation's headed, and don't let yourself get drawn into arguments at this stage ('cos they can go haywire quickly and all of a sudden it's ultimatum time), just establish that you have a right to your belief and that you still respect him and your mom - just that you think that their beliefs are not for you.

I think maybe with parents there is the additional fear that kiddo rejecting religion is really kiddo rejecting them... so maybe address that fear ?

Just some rambling thoughts... which may or may not be helpful...
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25-06-2013, 11:57 PM
RE: Oops?
A quick update-

I was in the den with my older brother tonight, showing him how to use a YouTube to MP3 site, when my mum makes some off-hand comment about how she thinks its stealing, and I retort back that it isn't, and Ben (aforementioned older brother) agrees. And my mum goes "Yeah, go to the atheist for moral advice. Ms. 'I don't believe in God so I don't have to go to church'"

The way she said this was in a mocking tone, and I'm beginning to think that my parents aren't taking me seriously. I am at an utter loss.
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26-06-2013, 12:42 AM
RE: Oops?
...

I'd advise you to hang in there. Don't get annoyed. Everyone endures a little teasing growing up anyway... if it wasn't for atheism it would be for something else...

*Talk* to them, really. Is the major thing. Since you've told them, and since they haven't raged at you... it could be positive...

It's really difficult to advise 'cos everyone's in a different situation. You gotta decide Smile It's what being human's all about. We're *all* clueless, so everyone gotta find their own way. And frequently we feel at a loss...
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26-06-2013, 07:25 AM
RE: Oops?
They aren't ready to talk. They are still feeling the sting. Your attitude and ability to keep yourself calm and collected in the heat of the moment. (Be the adult) is going to be your best defense right now. Next time it comes up like that I would offer to discuss with them at a time in the future when they are ready to talk to you without being hostile.


There's a hundred mean snippy comebacks for the snide remarks hurled at you, but none of them help you resolve this and only do more damage to your relationship. There is the ranting corner thread if you feel the need to let a few fly. Big Grin


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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26-06-2013, 10:40 AM
RE: Oops?
Also- just saying something like 'I know you are upset and angry, but I don't appreciate your mean remarks. Let me know when you really want to talk about things without being hostile.'

then walk away.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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27-06-2013, 10:04 PM
RE: Oops?
AddyCat--

You mentioned you were with your brother when your mom made that comment. Has your brother been more supportive? Just curious, because if your brother didn't chime in or laugh along, you might have more support at home than you realize. Maybe he has the same thoughts on religion as you, or he respects you enough to not play the religion card on you.

Maybe my relationship with with my younger sister is different than yours with your older brother. If I knew my mom's comments about religion would seriously bother my sister, I wouldn't get in any additional jabs. But if I thought my mom's comments were only mildly annoying to my sister, man I would have really piled on Smile
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27-06-2013, 10:13 PM
RE: Oops?
(25-06-2013 11:57 PM)AddyCat Wrote:  A quick update-

I was in the den with my older brother tonight, showing him how to use a YouTube to MP3 site, when my mum makes some off-hand comment about how she thinks its stealing, and I retort back that it isn't, and Ben (aforementioned older brother) agrees. And my mum goes "Yeah, go to the atheist for moral advice. Ms. 'I don't believe in God so I don't have to go to church'"

The way she said this was in a mocking tone, and I'm beginning to think that my parents aren't taking me seriously. I am at an utter loss.

I think she doesn't know what to say either. She was caught unaware.

Snarky remarks certainly aren't helping to win you back to the Godsquad but she doesn't know what else to say.

Funny, the concept that morality can ONLY come from God...then you are talking about people doing certain things or not doing certain others out of fear of eternal damnation. They can't even own their sense of morality.

I would still allow some cooling off time but if the nasty remarks continue you are going to have to tell your mother that her remarks don't seem very Christian to you and that as your parent you thought they would be more supportive or at least willing to talk civilly.

Sorry...like there isn't enough stupid crap to deal with in life. Hope things improve.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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