Open Marriages - thoughts?
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
20-12-2015, 12:12 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
That was in response to Heatheness ^^

Be true to yourself. Heart
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Deidre32's post
20-12-2015, 12:51 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 12:11 AM)Deidre32 Wrote:  I don't understand it more from a pragmatic point ... Why get or stay married if you want to date others? If my future spouse wants to sleep with others then why would we get married? I don't judge the morality of it more of I don't see why people would bother staying married? I don't believe however in changing definitions to suit our own agendas. To avoid the hassle of a divorce, here's the next best option. To each their own, we are all different. I would just feel like I was betraying the person who I took vows with ...I would rather divorce but that's just me.

Most people I've known who do the poly or open marriage generally speaking have far better communication, trust, and are much more likely to survive conflict, than just about any other couple we've known. They really have to, they are emotionally very healthy and pragmatic about their lives and their others. (Same said for especially BDSM and swingers we've known)

One of my friends has an open relationship with her husband, it really works out well for them. He gets the variety he craves, she gets the security knowing he'll always come home to her. They've been married for a long time now, so they're doing something right.

She doesn't play...it's her choice not to, he'd like her to be open with her sexuality and feel free to express herself that way more. She doesn't care about it, and he's fine with that.

If everyone is happy I don't see a problem.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 5 users Like Momsurroundedbyboys's post
20-12-2015, 04:26 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
I got married once.... For three months.....

....

I got chicken pox once..... Same thing...

I got it, I got over it - now I'm immune and I'll never catch it again.


...

Big Grin

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like onlinebiker's post
20-12-2015, 06:25 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
Not my thing, but as long as it's okay with all partners I have no problem with the concept. I feel the same about multiple spouses.

However, I have mostly heard people (usually men) lie to potential partners about being in an open marriage. I don't know if I've ever met someone who actually is in one.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes julep's post
20-12-2015, 06:39 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(19-12-2015 10:16 PM)Metazoa Zeke Wrote:  Taxes bro

Marriage incurs a tax penalty in the US if both spouses work.

#sigh
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like GirlyMan's post
20-12-2015, 08:06 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
I once dated a girl who asked for us to have an open relationship from the offset. She was Bi-Sexual and had always preferred women, she however really liked me and wanted to include other women.

At first this was great. We would go out into town on a night-time and we would choose which women we both liked. We would then approach, chat and eventually proposition them to a threesome.

It all got confusing for me though as it brought out my own personal insecurities and was alien to how I had always conducted myself in life and relationships. Once I commit to a monogamous relationship I take that commitment seriously and have had plenty of opportunities in the past to cheat, but my conscience would not allow it.

I'll probably regret it when I take my final breathes.....

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes bemore's post
20-12-2015, 09:01 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 12:03 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  It also seems like it would take a lot of time and trouble to have an open marriage. Like you'd have to keep track of more stuff in your life or something. It's too complicated for my simple brain.

I’m like you.

As an emotional simpleton Blush I have enough on my plate with making sure I get the one relationship right.

Just thinking about the added complications of multiple partners/relationships make my head hurt.

The two of us jokingly say that if our marriage ever came to an end
1. They would never find the body Angel and
2. The surviving one would not have the patience to train another.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Full Circle's post
20-12-2015, 09:09 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
Me and Manly been monogamous our entire sexual lives (at least that's what she tells me. Dodgy ). I'm not interested in screwing anyone who wouldn't wipe my ass and change my diapers when I need it. They are few and far between.

#sigh
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like GirlyMan's post
20-12-2015, 09:12 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 09:09 AM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Me and Manly been monogamous our entire sexual lives (at least that's what she tells me. Dodgy ). I'm not interested in screwing anyone who wouldn't wipe my ass and change my diapers when I need it. They are few and far between.

Fuck, Girly...that is a beautiful sentiment. Brought a tear to my eye.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like Full Circle's post
20-12-2015, 09:17 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(19-12-2015 10:51 PM)yakherder Wrote:  Open marriage better reflects the context in which we evolved pre civilization, and are still genetically predispositioned to prefer. Monogamy is more in tune with the cultural adaptations we've undergone since then, but have not yet adapted to physically.

Choose open marriage and you'll be more in tune with your biology and at odds with your culture and society. Choose monogamy if you want to reduce the drama you'll get from the rest of society but always feel like you're at odds with your instincts.

I would highly suggest the book Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. It's not without flaws, but is for the most part fairly well researched, and an eye opener if you've always accepted the standard narrative presented by religion, that we were meant to be in monogamous, life long relationships and often feel the urge to stray simply because we're sinners. Unless we buy into that particular line of religion, can anyone honestly believe that it makes sense for our instincts to be so out of line with the way we were meant to be? Those few species that actually do practice monogamous pair bonding, such as the gibbon, don't have to fight inner battles to stay faithful or give in to the temptation and end up feeling like assholes. There is no temptation for them because, unlike us, monogamy is actually in their programming.

And even if you do plan on remaining in a socially acceptable monogamous relationship as a way of dealing with the realities of social identification in a world where many of our strongest instincts have become more of a burden than a survival aid, such as I have, it helps to at least be aware of what you're dealing with and why it's there. Like they say, "Know your enemy." Even if that enemy is your own biological imperatives.

Great book. I was going to mention it too!

To me, the "open marriage" thing seems like it could be problematic in the sense that it becomes the goal to seek out other people. I think what is more realistic is, as time goes along and years into the relationship, a person may not want to leave that marriage because there are many good things about the situation, but that person meets someone out of the blue at work or some other setting, and without ever planning to, that person develops strong feelings for someone else. They still love their spouse. They still love being married, and maybe there are kids. But they also find that they have fallen in love with a second person.

I'm not sure I would be down with the "free to play" pass, because then that's just about being sexual with a lot of partners. But what to do with the situation of falling in love with more than one person? Is it better to share those feelings with a spouse who may get hurt, or is it better to continue loving your spouse and also loving this new person and keeping that separate from the marriage?

Just thoughts. I don't have a "final answer" for the question. I'm not sure it's one of those things that you can sit down during an engagement and discuss, because typically at the start of a relationship, you can't imagine ever being with someone else. But you also can't imagine what it's like to be married for ten, fifteen, 25 years, and being happily married, but also falling for another person.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Erxomai's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: