Open Marriages - thoughts?
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20-12-2015, 06:32 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 04:50 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Sometimes you just hit it off with a stranger on a business trip! You'll never see em again! When you're done, you still go home to rub your lovers feet!
Not meant as a criticism to you. To each his or her own.
From my perspective it is possible to hit it off with someone, have a fun time getting to know each other or just killing time together, without doing anything sexual with them.
I like the idea of being able to get to know females without any sexual tension or pressure. Just respect each other as people and potential friends.
Sure, sex is a natural and healthy part of life, and I don't feel like I'm depriving myself as I have a willing partner back at home.
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20-12-2015, 07:01 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
I don't think open marriages make sense either. On one hand, you're conceding that humans aren't good at sticking with only one person forever, but on the other your still entering into an arrangement where the penalties for not sticking with one person forever can be emotionally and financially catastrophic. Consider

I'm completely in favor of open long term marriage like relationships though. You get all the benefits of an open marriage without taking a trip through the family court meat grinder if things don't work out. Thumbsup

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

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20-12-2015, 07:36 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 06:32 PM)Stevil Wrote:  
(20-12-2015 04:50 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Sometimes you just hit it off with a stranger on a business trip! You'll never see em again! When you're done, you still go home to rub your lovers feet!
Not meant as a criticism to you. To each his or her own.
From my perspective it is possible to hit it off with someone, have a fun time getting to know each other or just killing time together, without doing anything sexual with them.
I like the idea of being able to get to know females without any sexual tension or pressure. Just respect each other as people and potential friends.
Sure, sex is a natural and healthy part of life, and I don't feel like I'm depriving myself as I have a willing partner back at home.

Nothing against just being friends with a lady, sure, but if a good time turns into something more I really wouldn't want to say no! And I'm not saying monogamous folks are wrong! I'm just sayin when someone says "you should make love not war" (which e'erbody should Yes ), but then says "oh but sorry I can't help ya, I got a monogamous lover at home", maybe they shoulda just shut the Censored up!
Laugh out load Tongue

But seriously, I figure if my wife & her friends have had a crush on the lead singer of a band since they were teenagers, and finally get to go backstage at his concert, on a girls night out, but I couldn't get off work to go.... we're all human! Just askin for a little return-actual-unconditional love when I slip up, too! Sadcryface

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20-12-2015, 07:50 PM (This post was last modified: 20-12-2015 11:04 PM by jennybee.)
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 07:36 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  
(20-12-2015 06:32 PM)Stevil Wrote:  Not meant as a criticism to you. To each his or her own.
From my perspective it is possible to hit it off with someone, have a fun time getting to know each other or just killing time together, without doing anything sexual with them.
I like the idea of being able to get to know females without any sexual tension or pressure. Just respect each other as people and potential friends.
Sure, sex is a natural and healthy part of life, and I don't feel like I'm depriving myself as I have a willing partner back at home.

Nothing against just being friends with a lady, sure, but if a good time turns into something more I really wouldn't want to say no! And I'm not saying monogamous folks are wrong! I'm just sayin when someone says "you should make love not war" (which e'erbody should Yes ), but then says "oh but sorry I can't help ya, I got a monogamous lover at home", maybe they shoulda just shut the Censored up!
Laugh out load Tongue

But seriously, I figure if my wife & her friends have had a crush on the lead singer of a band since they were teenagers, and finally get to go backstage at his concert, on a girls night out, but I couldn't get off work to go.... we're all human! Just askin for a little return-actual-unconditional love when I slip up, too! Sadcryface

I dunno. I think there is such a thing as self-control *if* you want to have self-control. I am in lust with Jason Statham Tongue, but if I was in a committed, loving, happy rship with someone and the opportunity to screw Jason Statham's brains out arose, I wouldn't do it. I would walk away because I want to have a rship built on trust and love with one person. If I'm with someone, that one person has my full attention and I would not be interested in having sex with anyone else because I would not want to ruin what we had. It is so hard to find a good rship and when you find one, I just would not want to do anything to fuck it up.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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20-12-2015, 08:01 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 07:36 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  But seriously, I figure if my wife & her friends have had a crush on the lead singer of a band since they were teenagers, and finally get to go backstage at his concert, on a girls night out, but I couldn't get off work to go.... we're all human!
Or perhaps a famous actor such as Charlie Sheen, although knowing what we know now he would be off the menu right?

You make your own choices as to who to get jiggy with, you get the reward (a few seconds of orgasm) and that comes with a risk (potentially a lifetime of STD, even potentially a shortened lifetime).
But your marriage partner doesn't get to make that assessment, he/she doesn't get the reward, but gets the risk because your risk becomes her risk.
Would you be pissed off if your wife did the jiggy with a known man-whore like Sheen and got AIDs, and then you got it? Or perhaps if your wife over the span of 10 years did 200 guys and then got some horrible disease that she then passed onto you? Do you implement some limitation on your open relationship?
Or is it a "I trust you babe, do whatever you want, I trust you'll be careful, if we get shit then that's just bad luck, but at least we had some fun, aye?

and what if you got a woman pregnant and she decides to have the baby, then you get lumped with child support payments?
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20-12-2015, 08:09 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 07:50 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(20-12-2015 07:36 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Nothing against just being friends with a lady, sure, but if a good time turns into something more I really wouldn't want to say no! And I'm not saying monogamous folks are wrong! I'm just sayin when someone says "you should make love not war" (which e'erbody should Yes ), but then says "oh but sorry I can't help ya, I got a monogamous lover at home", maybe they shoulda just shut the Censored up!
Laugh out load Tongue

But seriously, I figure if my wife & her friends have had a crush on the lead singer of a band since they were teenagers, and finally get to go backstage at his concert, on a girls night out, but I couldn't get off work to go.... we're all human! Just askin for a little return-actual-unconditional love when I slip up, too! Sadcryface

I dunno. I think there is such a thing as self-control *if* you want to have self-control. I am in lust with Jason Statham Tongue, but if I was in a committed, loving, happy rship with someone and the opportunity to screw Jason Statham's brains out arose, I wouldn't do it. I would walk away because I want to have a rship built on trust and love with one person. If I'm with someone, that one person has my full attention and I would not be interested in having sex with anyone else because I would not want to ruin what we had. It is so hard to find a good rship and when you find one--I dunno--I just would not want to do anything to fuck it up.

I can dig it! Hug
But if ya did go do Statham I wouldn't be mad at ya! You'd come back! Drinking Beverage
Bechased Beat_stick Tongue
Heart

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20-12-2015, 08:12 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 08:09 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  
(20-12-2015 07:50 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I dunno. I think there is such a thing as self-control *if* you want to have self-control. I am in lust with Jason Statham Tongue, but if I was in a committed, loving, happy rship with someone and the opportunity to screw Jason Statham's brains out arose, I wouldn't do it. I would walk away because I want to have a rship built on trust and love with one person. If I'm with someone, that one person has my full attention and I would not be interested in having sex with anyone else because I would not want to ruin what we had. It is so hard to find a good rship and when you find one--I dunno--I just would not want to do anything to fuck it up.

I can dig it! Hug
But if ya did go do Statham I wouldn't be mad at ya! You'd come back! Drinking Beverage
Bechased Beat_stick Tongue
Heart

Laugh out load Hobo Tongue Wink

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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20-12-2015, 08:31 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 08:01 PM)Stevil Wrote:  
(20-12-2015 07:36 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  But seriously, I figure if my wife & her friends have had a crush on the lead singer of a band since they were teenagers, and finally get to go backstage at his concert, on a girls night out, but I couldn't get off work to go.... we're all human!
Or perhaps a famous actor such as Charlie Sheen, although knowing what we know now he would be off the menu right?

You make your own choices as to who to get jiggy with, you get the reward (a few seconds of orgasm) and that comes with a risk (potentially a lifetime of STD, even potentially a shortened lifetime).
But your marriage partner doesn't get to make that assessment, he/she doesn't get the reward, but gets the risk because your risk becomes her risk.
Would you be pissed off if your wife did the jiggy with a known man-whore like Sheen and got AIDs, and then you got it? Or perhaps if your wife over the span of 10 years did 200 guys and then got some horrible disease that she then passed onto you? Do you implement some limitation on your open relationship?
Or is it a "I trust you babe, do whatever you want, I trust you'll be careful, if we get shit then that's just bad luck, but at least we had some fun, aye?

and what if you got a woman pregnant and she decides to have the baby, then you get lumped with child support payments?

Like I said, it's not like you're going out every night, or even every month, or even every YEAR, looking for it. I'm lazy, ffs! Laugh out load I don't think "cheating" should ever be a deal breaker! It's just sex! Kidnap our son, and flee to Mexico to sell him into white slavery, THEN we got a problem! Tongue But, then again, I'm not going to get married, open OR closed, to someone I can't trust not to screw everything she sees, or sell our kids! Undecided

If my wife tells me she cheated on me, and gives me enough story to put it into context, I'm not going to divorce her! Because I'm not going to get married at all if I'm not ready to love unconditionally! The trust will be there until betrayed, and just "cheating" isn't that in my book. *shrugs*

Wives, and husbands, can make other decisions that could have as big an impact on my life as aids has had on Magic Johnson's! Dodgy You buy the ticket you take the ride! Your marriage carriage can't take a broken spoke in stride, it ain't love it's hauling to town!

This is all just my opinion, of course! If it doesn't float your boat, you ain't gotta buy none of it! Hug

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20-12-2015, 09:20 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 08:31 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  This is all just my opinion, of course! If it doesn't float your boat, you ain't gotta buy none of it!
That's right, I'm not judging you or convincing you that my way of thinking is the "right" way. Just voicing some of my own concerns regarding having sex outside of my marriage. Like I say, I get enough, my wife is all I need or want.
Of course I can find other people to be attractive, but there is more to life than having sex with people that I haven't had sex with before. I'm not some hormonal dog that gets a wiff of some tail and then needs to chase after it. I am no slave to sex. It's not like I haven't had sex before and its not like I am not going to have sex again, so I am not missing out on anything.
When I go to Italy I must have a geleto and a pizza, When I go to France I must have a croissant, When I go to Portugal I must have an egg tart and some peri peri chicken, when I go to Spain I must have paella, and tapas and that special thick hot chocolate drink. But I certainly don't waste my time chasing after girls just because I am on a business trip and my wife won't find out what I've been up to. To me, experiencing a new place, a new culture is eye opening, fascinating and a learning experience.
When I really am enjoying myself, I generally wish that wife were there to enjoy it with me. My wife is like a catalyst, experiences are so much better with her there with me. So I would expect that sex is so much better with her than with someone else.

And as you say "if it doesn't float your boat", having sex with people other than my wife is of no real value to me.
If you enjoy it, and have made such an arrangement with your wife or long term partner then that is pretty cool of you to have talked about it up front. Ultimately whatever path you go, it's your business, not for me to judge. But I do find it interesting to talk to people with this viewpoint because it is quite different from mine, quite foreign to me.
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20-12-2015, 09:33 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 06:32 PM)Stevil Wrote:  
(20-12-2015 04:50 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Sometimes you just hit it off with a stranger on a business trip! You'll never see em again! When you're done, you still go home to rub your lovers feet!
Not meant as a criticism to you. To each his or her own.
From my perspective it is possible to hit it off with someone, have a fun time getting to know each other or just killing time together, without doing anything sexual with them.
I like the idea of being able to get to know females without any sexual tension or pressure. Just respect each other as people and potential friends.
Sure, sex is a natural and healthy part of life, and I don't feel like I'm depriving myself as I have a willing partner back at home.

What a refreshing post. My fiance feels a similar way. Cheating is a deal breaker for us both. I don't care the reasons...neither does he. If you are a liar and a cheater, there's no point in continuing the marriage. Granted there are bad marriages out there, and people feel trapped. I get that. But, you still should give your partner the option to fix things, or work things out, or at least tell your partner...hey, I want an open relationship, etc...before you cheat.

I knew someone who told his wife this, and she wasn't happy about it, but she wasn't able to have sex in a pleasurable way, so she sort of gave him the green light. He wasn't happy though. Because even with the green light, he felt like he was betraying his wife.

We can all sit here and theorize, but when it comes to people's feelings, things change in a hurry. If you wouldn't want it done to you, then don't hurt someone else in a way that you can never ever take back. Or make right again.

Be true to yourself. Heart
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