Open Marriages - thoughts?
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
20-12-2015, 09:36 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 09:20 PM)Stevil Wrote:  
(20-12-2015 08:31 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  This is all just my opinion, of course! If it doesn't float your boat, you ain't gotta buy none of it!
That's right, I'm not judging you or convincing you that my way of thinking is the "right" way. Just voicing some of my own concerns regarding having sex outside of my marriage. Like I say, I get enough, my wife is all I need or want.
Of course I can find other people to be attractive, but there is more to life than having sex with people that I haven't had sex with before. I'm not some hormonal dog that gets a wiff of some tail and then needs to chase after it. I am no slave to sex. It's not like I haven't had sex before and its not like I am not going to have sex again, so I am not missing out on anything.
When I go to Italy I must have a geleto and a pizza, When I go to France I must have a croissant, When I go to Portugal I must have an egg tart and some peri peri chicken, when I go to Spain I must have paella, and tapas and that special thick hot chocolate drink. But I certainly don't waste my time chasing after girls just because I am on a business trip and my wife won't find out what I've been up to. To me, experiencing a new place, a new culture is eye opening, fascinating and a learning experience.
When I really am enjoying myself, I generally wish that wife were there to enjoy it with me. My wife is like a catalyst, experiences are so much better with her there with me. So I would expect that sex is so much better with her than with someone else.

And as you say "if it doesn't float your boat", having sex with people other than my wife is of no real value to me.
If you enjoy it, and have made such an arrangement with your wife or long term partner then that is pretty cool of you to have talked about it up front. Ultimately whatever path you go, it's your business, not for me to judge. But I do find it interesting to talk to people with this viewpoint because it is quite different from mine, quite foreign to me.

It is a very interesting topic! Shy
I just always felt the notion that married sex should only happen between 2 people sounded eerily similar to the notion that marriage should only be undertaken by a man & a woman, ya know! Love don't care about no rules!
... queue Girlyman.... Laugh out load
I can understand how 2 people could love one another enough to give their lives for the other, yet wish to continue having sex with other humans they don't care about at all! Cuz it's all about the love! If I found out my wife had fallen in love with another, tho... that's differnt! Hobo

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes TheGulegon's post
20-12-2015, 09:38 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 09:36 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  
(20-12-2015 09:20 PM)Stevil Wrote:  That's right, I'm not judging you or convincing you that my way of thinking is the "right" way. Just voicing some of my own concerns regarding having sex outside of my marriage. Like I say, I get enough, my wife is all I need or want.
Of course I can find other people to be attractive, but there is more to life than having sex with people that I haven't had sex with before. I'm not some hormonal dog that gets a wiff of some tail and then needs to chase after it. I am no slave to sex. It's not like I haven't had sex before and its not like I am not going to have sex again, so I am not missing out on anything.
When I go to Italy I must have a geleto and a pizza, When I go to France I must have a croissant, When I go to Portugal I must have an egg tart and some peri peri chicken, when I go to Spain I must have paella, and tapas and that special thick hot chocolate drink. But I certainly don't waste my time chasing after girls just because I am on a business trip and my wife won't find out what I've been up to. To me, experiencing a new place, a new culture is eye opening, fascinating and a learning experience.
When I really am enjoying myself, I generally wish that wife were there to enjoy it with me. My wife is like a catalyst, experiences are so much better with her there with me. So I would expect that sex is so much better with her than with someone else.

And as you say "if it doesn't float your boat", having sex with people other than my wife is of no real value to me.
If you enjoy it, and have made such an arrangement with your wife or long term partner then that is pretty cool of you to have talked about it up front. Ultimately whatever path you go, it's your business, not for me to judge. But I do find it interesting to talk to people with this viewpoint because it is quite different from mine, quite foreign to me.

It is a very interesting topic! Shy
I just always felt the notion that married sex should only happen between 2 people sounded eerily similar to the notion that marriage should only be undertaken by a man & a woman, ya know! Love don't care about no rules!
... queue Girlyman.... Laugh out load
I can understand how 2 people could love one another enough to give their lives for the other, yet wish to continue having sex with other humans they don't care about at all! Cuz it's all about the love! If I found out my wife had fallen in love with another, tho... that's differnt! Hobo
ahhh, but that's just it. lots of times, people catch feelings. Yes and sex is never just sex, at that point. why weave such a tangled web? lol Tongue

Be true to yourself. Heart
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Deidre32's post
20-12-2015, 09:57 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 08:31 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  
(20-12-2015 08:01 PM)Stevil Wrote:  Or perhaps a famous actor such as Charlie Sheen, although knowing what we know now he would be off the menu right?

You make your own choices as to who to get jiggy with, you get the reward (a few seconds of orgasm) and that comes with a risk (potentially a lifetime of STD, even potentially a shortened lifetime).
But your marriage partner doesn't get to make that assessment, he/she doesn't get the reward, but gets the risk because your risk becomes her risk.
Would you be pissed off if your wife did the jiggy with a known man-whore like Sheen and got AIDs, and then you got it? Or perhaps if your wife over the span of 10 years did 200 guys and then got some horrible disease that she then passed onto you? Do you implement some limitation on your open relationship?
Or is it a "I trust you babe, do whatever you want, I trust you'll be careful, if we get shit then that's just bad luck, but at least we had some fun, aye?

and what if you got a woman pregnant and she decides to have the baby, then you get lumped with child support payments?

Like I said, it's not like you're going out every night, or even every month, or even every YEAR, looking for it. I'm lazy, ffs! Laugh out load I don't think "cheating" should ever be a deal breaker! It's just sex! Kidnap our son, and flee to Mexico to sell him into white slavery, THEN we got a problem! Tongue But, then again, I'm not going to get married, open OR closed, to someone I can't trust not to screw everything she sees, or sell our kids! Undecided

If my wife tells me she cheated on me, and gives me enough story to put it into context, I'm not going to divorce her! Because I'm not going to get married at all if I'm not ready to love unconditionally! The trust will be there until betrayed, and just "cheating" isn't that in my book. *shrugs*

Wives, and husbands, can make other decisions that could have as big an impact on my life as aids has had on Magic Johnson's! Dodgy You buy the ticket you take the ride! Your marriage carriage can't take a broken spoke in stride, it ain't love it's hauling to town!

This is all just my opinion, of course! If it doesn't float your boat, you ain't gotta buy none of it! Hug

I think you should love your significant other unconditionally--but, imo, that also includes trust and honesty from both parties. If you love someone, why hurt them? There are so many guys and women out there--why fuck around with someone else's significant other?

I don't know what I would do if I found out someone cheated on me and I was married to them. I have dumped a guy before for cheating and I was really hurt and felt really stupid for trusting him. I felt completely disrespected--like our (albeit short) rship meant nothing. I think it would be really hard for a marriage to withstand that. Rightfully or wrongfully, every time my husband went out I'd be worried he was out fucking some other woman. Rships should be built on trust--if u r not happy in a rship to the point of cheating, then, imo, you should leave.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like jennybee's post
20-12-2015, 10:03 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
Sure. If both parties are open to it. But it would probably wouldn't fly in a religious situation.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Hobbitgirl's post
20-12-2015, 10:15 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
The question was why would 2 people get married, but continue to have sex with others. To me, the answer is easy! They love one another! Shy That's it! Heart

I'd only bite the hand that feeds me, or the lips that lick me, if it were a mutual thing! Cuz I don't want to hurt the one I care about! Butt it ain't too difficult to figure out how others might want to spread the lust, no? Wink Iz some gooood shit! Tongue

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes TheGulegon's post
20-12-2015, 10:18 PM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 09:57 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(20-12-2015 08:31 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Like I said, it's not like you're going out every night, or even every month, or even every YEAR, looking for it. I'm lazy, ffs! Laugh out load I don't think "cheating" should ever be a deal breaker! It's just sex! Kidnap our son, and flee to Mexico to sell him into white slavery, THEN we got a problem! Tongue But, then again, I'm not going to get married, open OR closed, to someone I can't trust not to screw everything she sees, or sell our kids! Undecided

If my wife tells me she cheated on me, and gives me enough story to put it into context, I'm not going to divorce her! Because I'm not going to get married at all if I'm not ready to love unconditionally! The trust will be there until betrayed, and just "cheating" isn't that in my book. *shrugs*

Wives, and husbands, can make other decisions that could have as big an impact on my life as aids has had on Magic Johnson's! Dodgy You buy the ticket you take the ride! Your marriage carriage can't take a broken spoke in stride, it ain't love it's hauling to town!

This is all just my opinion, of course! If it doesn't float your boat, you ain't gotta buy none of it! Hug

I think you should love your significant other unconditionally--but, imo, that also includes trust and honesty from both parties. If you love someone, why hurt them? There are so many guys and women out there--why fuck around with someone else's significant other?

I don't know what I would do if I found out someone cheated on me and I was married to them. I have dumped a guy before for cheating and I was really hurt and felt really stupid for trusting him. I felt completely disrespected--like our (albeit short) rship meant nothing. I think it would be really hard for a marriage to withstand that. Rightfully or wrongfully, every time my husband went out I'd be worried he was out fucking some other woman. Rships should be built on trust--if u r not happy in a rship to the point of cheating, then, imo, you should leave.

I dated a guy who cheated on me, and it had been going on almost from the beginning of our relationship. I mean, what could have been so wrong so early on, that he felt the 'need' to cheat? The truth is, a lot of cheaters have something inside of themselves that cause them to cheat...it often has nothing to do with the other person they're with. Thus why we see MORE divorces from second and third marriages than first ones. Because often times second and third marriages stem from affairs, and when the couple realizes that ...oh wow, I'm still fucked up and I thought this new person would change my life but they aren't...then they come to terms with that it was them who needed changing. I've seen this happen with cousins and friends of mine, and it's sad. Especially when kids are involved.

You and I think alike on this. lol Yes

Be true to yourself. Heart
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Deidre32's post
20-12-2015, 11:32 PM
Open Marriages - thoughts?
If you're open and willing, it's your choice. Just don't be like a guy I knew. They had an open marriage, but he neglected to tell his wife.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Clockwork's post
21-12-2015, 12:25 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(19-12-2015 10:32 PM)Clockwork Wrote:  If you like or love or have great sex with someone, why look elsewhere?

Uh... it's quite possible to have even greater sex with somebody else maybe? Every sexual relationship will have something different, and potentially exciting, to offer each of the participants. It'd be naive to truly think that your partner is the sole person in the world that can satisfy all of one's desires.

And the so-called union of marriage is in reality only another edict of the patriarchal churches, who still see the father of the bride "giving her away" as a virtual chattel, and the husband taking over "ownership" of his bride. It's all about maintaining a power base that invariably favours the male.

Open marriage is okay by me, but not necessarily for anyone else.

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like SYZ's post
21-12-2015, 07:13 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
What’s wrong with a couple of consenting adults expressing the maturity and freedom to design a sexual arrangement that works for them? If all parties involved are aware of the circumstances, and everyone is comfortable with them, then what’s the problem?

A couple may love each other very much, but simply like being polyamorous. One spouse may have some kind of sexual dysfunction and wishes to grant his or her companion the freedom to enjoy sex with others because they recognize that their sexually active partner may not wish to be celibate for the rest of their lives.

Sex and marriage is an arrangement between two people. They get to set the terms, and they get to negotiate new terms as circumstances change in their lives.

Marriage doesn’t have to be a one-size fits all arrangement and attempting to make it one is unfair to those couples who, for a variety of reasons, wish to take control of and ensure that their emotional and sexual needs are met.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 8 users Like Aliza's post
21-12-2015, 07:27 AM
RE: Open Marriages - thoughts?
(20-12-2015 09:20 PM)Stevil Wrote:  That's right, I'm not judging you or convincing you that my way of thinking is the "right" way. Just voicing some of my own concerns regarding having sex outside of my marriage. Like I say, I get enough, my wife is all I need or want.
Of course I can find other people to be attractive, but there is more to life than having sex with people that I haven't had sex with before. I'm not some hormonal dog that gets a wiff of some tail and then needs to chase after it. I am no slave to sex. It's not like I haven't had sex before and its not like I am not going to have sex again, so I am not missing out on anything.
When I go to Italy I must have a geleto and a pizza, When I go to France I must have a croissant, When I go to Portugal I must have an egg tart and some peri peri chicken, when I go to Spain I must have paella, and tapas and that special thick hot chocolate drink. But I certainly don't waste my time chasing after girls just because I am on a business trip and my wife won't find out what I've been up to. To me, experiencing a new place, a new culture is eye opening, fascinating and a learning experience.
When I really am enjoying myself, I generally wish that wife were there to enjoy it with me. My wife is like a catalyst, experiences are so much better with her there with me. So I would expect that sex is so much better with her than with someone else.

And as you say "if it doesn't float your boat", having sex with people other than my wife is of no real value to me.
If you enjoy it, and have made such an arrangement with your wife or long term partner then that is pretty cool of you to have talked about it up front. Ultimately whatever path you go, it's your business, not for me to judge. But I do find it interesting to talk to people with this viewpoint because it is quite different from mine, quite foreign to me.

I think you and I are cut from the same cloth on this issue.

I wonder how much is nature and how much is nurture concerning promiscuity? I tend to think it is more nature since I’m one of four brothers, two of us are polygamous and two are not.

As for open marriages, as Guly says, if that’s what floats your boat fine, just don’t forget to tell your spouse. No

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Full Circle's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: