Over-complex thought and extreme self doubt
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22-10-2014, 06:07 PM
Over-complex thought and extreme self doubt
A problem I keep running it to is that I think far too much about things, but I also totally distrust myself. This has gotten to the point that simple mathematics are almost impossible for me. I will have to reread multiple times and look at multiple angles for signs of deception, and then whatever answer I come to I cannot trust, so I will need to use a calculator anyway. Even for simple things like the other day I had to figure out what three times twenty two was and even though I got the right answer right away I kept re-asking myself the question over and over, looked at the input data multiple times for any hint of something being out of place, and then after about 45 minutes of that I finally picked up a calculator to make sure. This is by no means limited to maths, but this is just an example.

I find that this problem has meant that complex tasks have repelled me. I don't trust the data I'm given, I don't trust the methods I use, and then I don't trust myself. I have a habit of missing the correct answer to any problem because I'll come up with some alternate which assumes I'm being tricked, or that something doesn't mean what it means because of how it was worded.

I had some problems with alcoholism because I relied on the simplification of thought to just get through things. In fact the alcohol abuse was one of the reasons I left this forum originally.

Right now I deal mainly in very fundamental things; growing crops, looking after food animals, and the simple recipes for the preservation of foods. I don't seem to have any problems with these things for the most part. Although recently I ended up re-reading a recipe for traditional sauerkraut about ten time before I trusted that I'd actually registered all of the information even though I got it right the first time.

I also find that I cannot enjoy singular stimulation, and it's like it's not real if it is alone. If I am eating then it's almost like I cannot taste the food unless I am also reading, writing and watching a video at the same time.
While I am writing this forum post I am reading in two other tabs, listening to very overwhelming music and drinking a beer, otherwise I don't think I would be able to concentrate at all on writing this. A friend of mine suggested I had ADD, but no doctor in my life had ever suggested it, so I don't know.

I'm not even sure as I post this if I want advice from anyone or if I just need to write this out and put it somewhere.

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Leonard Nimoy
1931-2015
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22-10-2014, 07:51 PM
RE: Over-complex thought and extreme self doubt
Quote:A friend of mine suggested I had ADD, but no doctor in my life had ever suggested it, so I don't know.

Sounds familiar. Way too familiar. Blush A doctor is not going to suggest ADD/ADHD unless you tell them what's going on. I ALWAYS have to reread everything. So damn frustrating.

I took Straterra back in nursing school before I got pregnant - it's the only time I've ever had a clean house - I don't have the focus. I was in the top five in my class. In college I took adderall a few times - without it I made a 64 on an anatomy test, with it 96.

As far as missing the correct answer due to second guessing - you need to think like the test giver. What are they trying to assess that I know? That usually helps me.

I'm depressed right now and still have no focus, I just don't have the energy to be on multiple devices like I normally do - I'm more likely to be staring off thinking while my husband/son are repeatedly trying to get my attention. I know I need meds, just don't have the time to make an appointment.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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