Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
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22-10-2015, 10:38 AM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
I gave my kid the odd smack but only as a last resort. Depriving them of phones and laptops is a lot more effective. Here in Ireland it is illegal to smack your child but the 'reasonable chastisement' defence was allowed to stay on the books. This is to cover such issues as, say, a small smack on the back-side for being naughty. This would not be seen as a serious assault by one person, but could perceived as so by another.

Now our "nanny state" goverment is looking for a total ban on smacking. Many people are against this, not because they like smacking kids, but because they see it as another attempt by the State to intervene in family life. The law is fine as it is. If changed it would mean for example, a parent who's child was about to stick a fork into an electric socket, could be charged for assault if they gave their child a slap on the wrist. Even though in such a case the slap would almost be a reflex action due to the danger and panic involved.

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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22-10-2015, 10:41 AM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
I got spankings and worse, and I don't consider myself to have been abused. Nonetheless, based on a better understanding of behavioral psychology than my parents/stepparent had, not to mention a changing modern cultural context, I've opted not to carry on the tradition, so to speak. I'm far from soft on my kids, however. I'd toss a $500 smartphone into the trash without a second thought about it just to make a point. Fortunately, my oldest (almost 4) learned the lesson when the objects were more along the lines of cookies. I.e., throw a tantrum because you wanted two cookies instead of one, and I will consistently and immediately grab whatever is left of the first cookie, as well as every other cookie in the house, and throw them all in the garbage and say "Let's try this again next month." He went ballistic the first few times I did something like that, but learned real quick that tantrums, and trying to get his way through other expressions of anger, without exception produced negative results that were typically the opposite if his intended goal. I don't even bother getting into a debate about it or getting angry myself. I simply remove the object(s) of contention and then go about my business as if there's no tantrum taking place, refusing so much as an acknowledging glance until he's ready to calm down and talk to me. That's when I calmly explain to him why there will be no more cookies for at least a couple weeks.

'Murican Canadian
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22-10-2015, 11:42 AM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
Well, if we're gonna go with anecdotal stuff...

I was never spanked, nor were my brother and sisters. We've all grown up to become normal adults who love and respect their parents. I feel I kind of learned what was wrong and what was not along the way. For me, the worst punishment was seeing my mother sad about what I had done. Yelling didn't have any effect other than making everyone angry.

A friend of mine was spanked up to the age of 15. I've met his parents and they seem to be normal, reasonable people, yet he often claimed he hated them and wanted to run away. Spanking didn't stop him from doing all the stuff they'd forbidden.

So what should that tell you? Nothing. Some people were spanked, some people weren't and I don't see any pattern here. Can someone claim they wouldn't be responsible adults now had their parents not spanked them or that they would be better if their parents had spanked them? I doubt it.

What I know is that children are smart. Too smart not to grasp that spanking is unfair. From my experience with kids (which isn't much, only with little cousins and nephews and a year of teaching) I can tell you that kids know when your reactions are triggered by anger. What they understand is "oops, she's mad, we're gonna have a bad time" and not "I need to reconsider what I just did".

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-Guybrush Threepwood-
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22-10-2015, 12:09 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
I agree with the above. Not losing your cool and figuring out how to get the message or lesson across is not always easy, but it is the most effective thing to do.
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22-10-2015, 12:43 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
The different perspectives and opinions posted here give me a lot to reconsider. Firstly, I should've specified on what I consider spankings, because I knew the idea would differ for a lot of people. My mother never hit me with a belt or any kind of object, and she wouldn't hit me in the face either. The most should would do was grab me up, hit me on the butt with her hand a couple of times, or slap me on the arm. That form of spanking, in my opinion, isn't that bad, and it doesn't make a parent a bad parent. Which is why I don't see anything really wrong with the mother in example one. She has the parental right to discipline her children as she see's fit, and I do not consider her spanking her child in terms of child abuse. Now, for children that are beaten with belts and hit in the face, I consider THAT abuse.

On another note, I love that so many people here are against physically hurting your children and support verbal discipline. That's the kind of parent I want to be one day. I don't think I would have it in me to spank or hit my child. But I don't consider parents that "spank" (my definition) their children bad parents at all. I suppose I'm not completely against spankings, because that's how my mother disciplined me and I turned out okay. And when she did spank me, I knew that the only reason it was happening was because I dun fucked up. She wouldn't hit me for any other reason besides when I did something wrong, and my life wasn't agonizing or miserable when it happened because she didn't take advantage of the "Oh I beat my kid for discipline reasons" excuse. The parents that use that excuse and beat their kids whenever, wherever, and because they feel like it- those parents are the abusers.

As for the father in example three, I think what he's doing can be severely traumatizing and mentally damaging for the little girl. I'm sure there are better alternatives out there that he can resort to, because mental abuse is just as important as physical abuse. ALSO THE LITTLE GIRL IS LIKE 10. SHE'S A LITTLE GIRL. I'd have more mixed opinions if this treatment was being given to an adolescent delinquent, but this is a LITTLE GIRL.
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22-10-2015, 12:50 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 12:43 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  The different perspectives and opinions posted here give me a lot to reconsider. Firstly, I should've specified on what I consider spankings, because I knew the idea would differ for a lot of people. My mother never hit me with a belt or any kind of object, and she wouldn't hit me in the face either. The most should would do was grab me up, hit me on the butt with her hand a couple of times, or slap me on the arm. That form of spanking, in my opinion, isn't that bad, and it doesn't make a parent a bad parent. Which is why I don't see anything really wrong with the mother in example one. She has the parental right to discipline her children as she see's fit, and I do not consider her spanking her child in terms of child abuse. Now, for children that are beaten with belts and hit in the face, I consider THAT abuse.

On another note, I love that so many people here are against physically hurting your children and support verbal discipline. That's the kind of parent I want to be one day. I don't think I would have it in me to spank or hit my child. But I don't consider parents that "spank" (my definition) their children bad parents at all. I suppose I'm not completely against spankings, because that's how my mother disciplined me and I turned out okay. And when she did spank me, I knew that the only reason it was happening was because I dun fucked up. She wouldn't hit me for any other reason besides when I did something wrong, and my life wasn't agonizing or miserable when it happened because she didn't take advantage of the "Oh I beat my kid for discipline reasons" excuse. The parents that use that excuse and beat their kids whenever, wherever, and because they feel like it- those parents are the abusers.

As for the father in example three, I think what he's doing can be severely traumatizing and mentally damaging for the little girl. I'm sure there are better alternatives out there that he can resort to, because mental abuse is just as important as physical abuse. ALSO THE LITTLE GIRL IS LIKE 10. SHE'S A LITTLE GIRL. I'd have more mixed opinions if this treatment was being given to an adolescent delinquent, but this is a LITTLE GIRL.

My stepfather would make me choose the stick, knowing that if it weren't sufficient he'd go choose his own, which added an extra psychological factor Tongue

I defeated this punishment, so to speak,by simply grabbing the biggest, thorniest, nastiest branch I could find and emotionlessly handing it over as if I didn't even give a shit. Then even he wouldn't be willing to use it, and choosing a less scary one than what I had already indifferently chosen would have been a victory for me, in a sense, so he just stopped doing it.

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22-10-2015, 12:57 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 12:43 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  As for the father in example three, I think what he's doing can be severely traumatizing and mentally damaging for the little girl. I'm sure there are better alternatives out there that he can resort to, because mental abuse is just as important as physical abuse. ALSO THE LITTLE GIRL IS LIKE 10. SHE'S A LITTLE GIRL. I'd have more mixed opinions if this treatment was being given to an adolescent delinquent, but this is a LITTLE GIRL.

10 does seem a little young for the third example.

But again, I took away all the electronics from my kid's room. With all that stuff gone he was essentially left with a bed, desk and clothing.

Oh and his bird.

You can't force a child to respect you. They have to want to and to me it's done by being tough when you have to, and picking your battles wisely.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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22-10-2015, 01:09 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
Nothing like the good ol' days. My grandmother of OG when it came to punishment. My mother would tell stories of her setting up a time frame when a task had to be done. For example cleaning a room. Whenever wasn't cleaned in 4 hours would get thrown in to a large old blanket then chucked out the window.

My grand father had gone to a catholic school and the nuns would take the knuckles of disobdiante students and crack them with rulers. Or take them to the front of the class and smack their heads at the end of a chalk board.

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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22-10-2015, 01:13 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
I was never spanked, and I don't spank my kids. My mom had this way of making you feel like you were three inches tall when she was mad at you. So we learned not to make her mad. With my oldest daughter, my wife and I take her parents approach: If she gets in trouble, we make her write a report on why what she did was wrong.

It's more important IMO for a child to understand why what they did was wrong, than to understand it's wrong. I'm not a fan of spanking at all. (Unless it's in the bedroom Wink )
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22-10-2015, 01:17 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
Just a note to anyone who says "I was spanked as a kid and I turned out fine", I, as someone who is not you and know nothing about you, have no reason whatsoever to trust your statement, and for all I know you could just be overlooking something. It's a completely useless statement.
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