Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
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22-10-2015, 07:07 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 06:59 PM)Old Man Marsh Wrote:  I've had belts across my ass, 2x4s across my ass, got into a fist fight with my dad when I was sixteen. We got into an argument, I was young and full of píss and vinegar, and thought that I could take him.

I was wrong.

I could bench press 300 lbs and deadlift and squat 435 lbs when I was 16 yo. Dude never stood a chance.

#sigh
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22-10-2015, 07:15 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 07:05 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(22-10-2015 05:19 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I was spanked when I was really young. The 'discipline' turned to actual beatings by the time I hit middle school. Bruises, blood, hair torn out, nose broken, slugged in the stomach, slammed against walls...brutal, brutal stuff. Having one side of my face smashed into the steering wheel of my car and the other side of my face slammed into the car door wasn't bad enough, I was then dragged down the driveway on my back, dragged by my hair. Then kicked all over as I lay on the asphalt. The black eyes were quite impressive...the marks that didn't show because of clothes, even more so.

I swatted my kids on the butt a few times, usually through a diaper. Beatings don't help - I was actually scared with my first one that if I started with spankings I would ramp up to the beatings that I thought everyone got. I didn't want to reach that point.

Oddly, I would take the beatings over the verbal and emotional abuse my mother dished out. My physical wounds have healed though some scars remain. The mental damage still hurts. Undecided

That kind of crap isn't what I wanted my kids to remember. I didn't learn how to parent from mom and dad...I learned how not to parent.

That's horrible, just horrible.

When I was in high school I had a friend whose father used to beat her. I went over to visit her one time and it was a frightful place. There was concern that one should never make her father angry over any small thing for fear of retribution. It was so different than my home and my dad who was such a gentle, nice man. She loved coming over to my house. I felt so bad for her.

I had few friends over...in fact, we seldom had guests...guests could become witnesses to what really went on behind closed doors.

That's part of the reason my house was filled with the kids' friends...always. There was nothing to hide. I also took in several who lived a life like mine.

People (adults) who knew what was going on were too afraid of my parents to do anything. Undecided You can't imagine the things people have said to me in the last few years...the things they knew but were afraid to say.

A kid who knows by middle school how to use their tongue to loosen tape that has been placed across their mouth so they can't speak becomes a person who struggles to trust and love.

I hate physical contact - even a hug or a touch. Physical contact is too tied to hurt. I still recoil when someone tries to even just touch my hand. I can't seem to shake it.

Sucks...

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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22-10-2015, 07:20 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 07:15 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I hate physical contact - even a hug or a touch. Physical contact is too tied to hurt. I still recoil when someone tries to even just touch my hand. I can't seem to shake it.

Sucks...

I don't hate it but it feels awkward to me. I have trained myself to not react at all when someone touches me. I don't want to recoil.

#sigh
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22-10-2015, 07:23 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 07:15 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(22-10-2015 07:05 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  That's horrible, just horrible.

When I was in high school I had a friend whose father used to beat her. I went over to visit her one time and it was a frightful place. There was concern that one should never make her father angry over any small thing for fear of retribution. It was so different than my home and my dad who was such a gentle, nice man. She loved coming over to my house. I felt so bad for her.

I had few friends over...in fact, we seldom had guests...guests could become witnesses to what really went on behind closed doors.

That's part of the reason my house was filled with the kids' friends...always. There was nothing to hide. I also took in several who lived a life like mine.

People (adults) who knew what was going on were too afraid of my parents to do anything. Undecided You can't imagine the things people have said to me in the last few years...the things they knew but were afraid to say.

A kid who knows by middle school how to use their tongue to loosen tape that has been placed across their mouth so they can't speak becomes a person who struggles to trust and love.

I hate physical contact - even a hug or a touch. Physical contact is too tied to hurt. I still recoil when someone tries to even just touch my hand. I can't seem to shake it.

Sucks...

Oh, Anj. That's just heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. :hug

Do you suppose that's why you like being alone?

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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22-10-2015, 07:25 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 07:20 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(22-10-2015 07:15 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I hate physical contact - even a hug or a touch. Physical contact is too tied to hurt. I still recoil when someone tries to even just touch my hand. I can't seem to shake it.

Sucks...

I don't hate it but it feels awkward to me. I have trained myself to not react at all when someone touches me. I don't want to recoil.

I noticed myself recoiling a week or so ago when someone reached out to touch my hand. I still can't stop it, it's automatic.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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22-10-2015, 07:25 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 07:23 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Oh, Anj. That's just heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. :hug

Do you suppose that's why you like being alone?

No doubt.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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22-10-2015, 07:42 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 07:25 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(22-10-2015 07:20 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  I don't hate it but it feels awkward to me. I have trained myself to not react at all when someone touches me. I don't want to recoil.

I noticed myself recoiling a week or so ago when someone reached out to touch my hand. I still can't stop it, it's automatic.

I intentionally suppress it.

#sigh
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22-10-2015, 07:48 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 07:42 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(22-10-2015 07:25 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I noticed myself recoiling a week or so ago when someone reached out to touch my hand. I still can't stop it, it's automatic.

I intentionally suppress it.

A sudden move to touch me doesn't give me time to think it through. It's a learned response to try to move away from physical contact. Undecided

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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22-10-2015, 07:54 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 07:48 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(22-10-2015 07:42 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  I intentionally suppress it.

A sudden move to touch me doesn't give me time to think it through. It's a learned response to try to move away from physical contact. Undecided

I've overcome the learned response and retrained and replaced it with no response. I ain't gonna be the guy in the office who they say "Don't touch him. He's sensitive."

#sigh
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22-10-2015, 08:00 PM
RE: Parenting: "Whoopings"/Spanking your kids/Other forms of discipline
(22-10-2015 07:54 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(22-10-2015 07:48 PM)Anjele Wrote:  A sudden move to touch me doesn't give me time to think it through. It's a learned response to try to move away from physical contact. Undecided

I've overcome the learned response and retrained and replaced it with no response. I ain't gonna be the guy in the office who they say "Don't touch him. He's sensitive."

Oddly, or maybe not, I can touch someone else...like to offer comfort...but I have to be the one to initiate the contact. It's still not always comfortable, but I can do it.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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