Parenting with a believer rant
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04-12-2013, 08:26 PM
Parenting with a believer rant
I feel there's more of these to come but i need to rant somewhere and since I have no atheist friends I hope this does the trick.

Our oldest daughter is 5. My wife brings up the issue of how we're going to have problems with boys (or girls) once she grows up because it looks like she's going to have a killer body when she grows up. I start asking how we're going to approach the issue when she is 13 and interested in boys (or girls, you never know).

My wife starts telling me off that she's not going to date until she's at least 16.
And I start asking questions. "Why 16? You were having sex at 13, isnt it hypocritical to burden her with expectations you didnt live up to? Why do you feel used, etc?"
She shuts me down with "now that you're an atheist anything goes. I'm not going to let her make the same mistakes". I respond, yes when I dont have a dictator in the sky I'm able to question things a bit. I ask,"why do you feel like it was a mistake?", she says "dont bring religion into this!". (Facepalm) I go "What? you brought up atheism in the first place".
She says "you would never understand because you dont have a vagina", I respond "That's why I'm asking questions, I sincerely want to understand how you feel".
She replies "we'll talk when you grow a vagina"
aaargghghghgAngry
I had to walk out of the room and rant.
Thanks for reading
I'm getting professional coupes counseling asap. Weeping
I also dont know what age is appropate for her to date. I feel like is more of a maturity question and age might be arbitrary. Thoughts?

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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04-12-2013, 08:39 PM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
Hug sorry about that awful fight, yes couples counseling will be awesome, it is so helpful!

As for "letting children make mistakes", it's going to happen. Being too overbearing could push her to be more clever about making mistakes behind your back. Yes it's great to want to protect your kids, but she may have to learn to guide with a gentle hand. Teach her to respect herself, and how to make good choices, this will go a long way.

And the age thing, totally a maturity level issue. I went on my first "date" when I was 12 if you could call it that Laugh out load it was so innocent!

Good luck buddy Hug
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04-12-2013, 08:49 PM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
Thanks, now she's asking me to go to bed like nothing happened.

I think she's really conflicted about sex. I had my first girlfriend at 13 but didn't loose my virginity until 19. My wife started having sex early and with many partners. I've only had two. Oddly enough I think she's projecting too much into what 13 year olds can do but you're right if she's forced to not date she's going to find a way to do it behind our backs. I support conversation about it she supports an authoritarian regime where you dare not question her authority.

On the flip side Iam aware I might be projecting as well as I wish I would've sowed my wild Oates before tying the knot.

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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04-12-2013, 08:55 PM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
Yeah I started early with many partners too, and regret a lot of them, but I learned from it.

And dating behind the back just scares me. If you are open and honest about it, allow her to explore the dating world (with minor supervision) she can come to you guys with questions and concerns, and you can help guide her toward good decisions.
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04-12-2013, 09:07 PM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
(04-12-2013 08:55 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Yeah I started early with many partners too, and regret a lot of them, but I learned from it.

And dating behind the back just scares me. If you are open and honest about it, allow her to explore the dating world (with minor supervision) she can come to you guys with questions and concerns, and you can help guide her toward good decisions.

yea, she's a very strong kid already. she (like her mother) doesnt take shit from no one. I honestly feel bad for the other party involved in a sense Laughat

I cant seem but to see the hypocrisy where it occurs. Oh well Undecided

At least I have at least 5 to 10 years to work out how we're going to tackle this before its showtime.

Drinking Beverage

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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04-12-2013, 09:08 PM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
That's the spirit!!! Thumbsup
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04-12-2013, 09:09 PM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
Just thought, 5-10 depending on who wins? Consider Laugh out load I kid!
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04-12-2013, 09:11 PM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
(04-12-2013 09:09 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Just thought, 5-10 depending on who wins? Consider Laugh out load I kid!

Yes

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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11-12-2013, 04:25 PM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
And this is the reason my brother said he's never having a daughter Smile
I would say when she has a good mature sense of self respect and can make good choices- enough that she won't be pressured into doing something just because the boy wants her to (or because her parents told her not to)
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13-12-2013, 02:32 PM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
This is really something you don’t have to worry about now, chances are that by the time your daughter is that age she is going to have a few things to say about it herself. I raised four daughters, believe me, she will have some things to say.

Absolute Certainty’s most constant companion is Wrongheadedness.
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