Parenting with a believer rant
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15-12-2013, 09:43 AM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
The 'killer body' is a quote from my wife, she's the one that keeps mentioning it again and again. Other women keep pointing it out. I'd be an idiot to ignore it. If she ends up growing up to have my wife's body (and it looks like she will) we are really in trouble. If she grows up to have my wife's sex drive we are really really in trouble.

I didn't say she should be having sex at 13, I was pointing my wife's hypocrisy because she did and because she has a sexist standard for our boys (they're fine to have sex whenever as long as they don't hurt anyone)

And yes we've discussed the subject of masturbation with my wife as it falls into sexuality.

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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15-12-2013, 09:45 AM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
(15-12-2013 01:24 AM)Gordon Wrote:  
(14-12-2013 07:22 AM)Nick Danger Wrote:  Ah yes, because everybody knows that Atheists don't have any moral values. (yawn)

An atheist might have moral values...but they don't have to have moral values.

Neither do theist trolls like you

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
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15-12-2013, 10:03 AM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
(14-12-2013 02:23 PM)djkamilo Wrote:  Thanks for your feedback cyborg. I can absolutely relate. My wife was very hot during her high school years. She's had three babies and has had to battle with her weight but will resume going to the gym next month.

Having said that my daughter has a very strong personality just like her mom. Although she's very caring I can safely predict she won't let men abuse her although you never know. I am more concerned with developing her emotional maturity for dealing with almost inevitable heart break and other issues she might face once she grows up.

Thankfully my wife is somewhat like yours, somewhat theistic, hasn't read all the bible, but somewhat relates to the Christian god in some pascal wager sense.


Then there's very uncomfortable issues to deal with like masturbation which is a little harder to approach in my opinion than boys. Having a 15 year old how do you deal with that?

I can relate in a lot of ways. My wife had sex much earlier than me (around 14 and I closer to 18), and I believe she fears for our daughter to start that young. I feel that would be too young myself, although now that my son is 15 and has a steady girlfriend, I've started to see that it probably depends on the situation, and the individual. And by individual I mean whether they're a boy or girl. LOL, no that was a joke, I think it really depends on the young persons maturity and perhaps who they are exploring their sexuality with. I know my son is sexually active to some extent with his girlfriend and I've wanted him to not feel ashamed of it, and know the important things, like safety, birth control, etc... to avoid mistakes.

My view on masturbation for boys and girls would be the same. Its natural and most if not all people do it. It certainly isn't something to be ashamed of, and for women, I would think it would help them to understand how their bodies work and what feels good, so that sex can be even more enjoyable for them... but I'm not a woman so that's about all I can say on that!

On a side note, back to my original reply, my daughter just informed my wife and I, that one of her (boy)friends) from school, says he wants to marry her, and that she will be a mom. My daughter had a cross look and stated very sternly that he's wrong because she isn't going to be a mommie she's going to be a farmer when she grows up! He can't tell her what to do, that makes her mad! It was rather cute and funny.
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15-12-2013, 10:39 AM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
I think you're just going to have to keep an open dialogue with her. Making sure to be there for her when she is brave enough to ask questions.

Because honestly, you or your wife can wish and hope and "decide" when these things are going to happen, but its going to be her that decides. The best you can do is let her know her entire life that when she needs help or has problems shes safe to come to you without harsh judgement.
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27-12-2013, 08:16 AM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
This is just my personal take on it, but people, especially believers, have a very dysfunctional relationship with sexuality.

The guilt for having sexual desire in the first place can reak havoc on your young adolescent.

I grew up in a devout catholic family. Not only were women not allowed to be sexually active, but you couldn't even have desires about sexuality. And your only outlet for releasing sexual frustration/desire (ie, masturbation)was also denied to you.

This led to a negative guilt/shame spiral with masturbation and "impure thoughts". Also, I wasn't allowed any choices about my sexuality since the decision to be chaste was already made for me. I rebelled in a very destructive way.

And since I was never really taught to exercise the word "no" (I couldn't tell my parents "no" when it came to being chaste) so I never was really able to tell boys no when it came to doing something I wasn't really ready to do yet. Make sense?

My husband is a believer, and a catholic at that. I told him the one thing I wouldn't allow was that if we had kids, that the church was not going to make them feel guilty about their bodies or their sexuality or any of that original sin shit.

I told my husband I am adamant about this because of the years of dysfunction I had to undo and how it had the opposite effect on what it was intending.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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27-12-2013, 08:20 AM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
Hopefully at least 15
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27-12-2013, 08:21 AM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
Not side with your wife but 13 is a bit young, some girls are still playing barbie at 13
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27-12-2013, 08:27 AM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
I have to warn you though that will be the age where your daughter will either love you or hate u. She'll probably want to start dyeing her hair. (Just let her streak it don't let her do her whole head). And she'll probably want to get her cartilage pierced. DO NOT let the kid get a bikini, tankini is fine. Make her wait til she's eighteen for a tattoo, trust me either she'll still get it or be bored by then.
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27-12-2013, 08:33 AM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
(27-12-2013 08:27 AM)BrokenQuill92 Wrote:  I have to warn you though that will be the age where your daughter will either love you or hate u. She'll probably want to start dyeing her hair. (Just let her streak it don't let her do her whole head). And she'll probably want to get her cartilage pierced. DO NOT let the kid get a bikini, tankini is fine. Make her wait til she's eighteen for a tattoo, trust me either she'll still get it or be bored by then.


Hopefully there's the phase where the teenage daughter *hates* them, rebels and rattles against them.Thumbsup It's a sign of maturity believe it or not......of change and carving out one's identity. A very important stage in development. All teenage girls should pass through the phase of "I hate my parent(s)". Without this stage there's no individuality established. Much akin to the 2 yr old who's favorite thing might be ice cream but refuses to Eat ice cream so as to disagree with the parent offering it.
Textbook really.

our teenage parent angst lasted from age 13 - 17.... we affectionately nicknamed it "the tunnel" and ours came out on the other side of the tunnel just fine.

Just remember when your teenager starts rebelling against you it's nothing personal. Keep loving and keep teaching and respect boundaries.......that's the stuff that sticks! Thumbsup

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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27-12-2013, 06:37 PM
RE: Parenting with a believer rant
My mother was pregnant when she and our father married. Eventually she and dad produce two girls, then three boys. Because it was a shotgun wedding my mother often doubted my father's love, that he HAD to marry her. He did love her and held her in high regard. What her fears did was literally cripple my sister and my teen years. She taught us nothing about sex or how the body works and my poor sister thought she was bleeding to death when her first period showed up. She was terrified. Mom figured abstinence was the best birth control but she didn't factor in raging hormones that are telling us to go forth and multiply. My sis and I did abstain until 20, but we couldn't even go out the door without some form of admonishment like "don't embarrass the family" or don't bring shame to the family.
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