People at church excluding and avoiding me
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24-08-2015, 06:00 PM
People at church excluding and avoiding me
I am so upset, I went on this church trip and it seemed like the whole time I was there people were trying to avoid me and exclude me. They moved when I would sit next to them or they would choose other spots over the one next to me. They also took pictures and tried to move their heads to block me out of the picture and when I saw a picture on FB of a group of people sitting eating lunch and I had been cut off except for my hand. Like they cut me out of the picture. Also I was in a room one night with one group of people but then because of a room mixup where we were double booked in our hotel, we had to switch rooms around. I was the only one out of my room asked to go to another room. Why me??
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24-08-2015, 06:18 PM
RE: I am so upset, I went on this church trip and it seemed like the whole time I was th
Are you an atheist? If not, why do you think they singled you out?
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24-08-2015, 06:19 PM
RE: I am so upset, I went on this church trip and it seemed like the whole time I was th
(24-08-2015 06:02 PM)jashbagash Wrote:  I am so upset, I went on this church trip and it seemed like the whole time I was there people were trying to avoid me and exclude me. They moved when I would sit next to them or they would choose other spots over the one next to me. They also took pictures and tried to move their heads to block me out of the picture and when I saw a picture on FB of a group of people sitting eating lunch and I had been cut off except for my hand. Like they cut me out of the picture. Also I was in a room one night with one group of people but then because of a room mixup where we were double booked in our hotel, we had to switch rooms around. I was the only one out of my room asked to go to another room. Why me??

Forgive me for asking, but why were you on a church trip in the first place?

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24-08-2015, 06:31 PM
RE: People at church excluding and avoiding me
Are you trying to post two threads re: the same subject/same post? I posted a reply in your other thread.
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24-08-2015, 06:47 PM (This post was last modified: 24-08-2015 06:52 PM by Momsurroundedbyboys.)
RE: I am so upset, I went on this church trip and it seemed like the whole time I was th
Thread merged; one duplicate post deleted during clean up. Op had another thread with same content.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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24-08-2015, 06:55 PM
RE: People at church excluding and avoiding me
(24-08-2015 06:31 PM)jennybee Wrote:  Are you trying to post two threads re: the same subject/same post? I posted a reply in your other thread.

Sometimes when people don't see their post right away they'll post again. First posts are always held for mod approval. Duplicates should be deleted.

Sometimes they sneak passed the mods.

Sorry for the confusion.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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24-08-2015, 07:37 PM
RE: People at church excluding and avoiding me
(24-08-2015 06:55 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(24-08-2015 06:31 PM)jennybee Wrote:  Are you trying to post two threads re: the same subject/same post? I posted a reply in your other thread.

Sometimes when people don't see their post right away they'll post again. First posts are always held for mod approval. Duplicates should be deleted.

Sometimes they sneak passed the mods.

Sorry for the confusion.

Actually, two mods approved one post each simultaneously..Tongue

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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24-08-2015, 08:21 PM
RE: People at church excluding and avoiding me
Church group outing???

Doesn't sound like much fun to me. Why were you there???

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24-08-2015, 08:43 PM
RE: People at church excluding and avoiding me
Jash,

The behavior of your peers is so profoundly immature, that I can only conclude that you’re probably dealing with high schoolers or maybe even younger. If you are in fact a 35 year old with a family and kids, then kindly “edit” my advice in your head to suit your situation. =)

I’m going to level with you here, Jash. Your church friends are ignorant people who lack the mental capacity and sensitivity to behave in a way that is respectful to others.

It’s not even because they’re religious, though sometimes religious arrogance plays into it. No, it’s because they’re young, foolish kids with no respect for others.
In your post, you did not specify that you were questioning your religious values…

But you’ve obviously come to an atheist forum seeking solace and understanding for your experience. At least part of you is very probably questioning your faith. If you’re thinking of leaving Christianity over this, or maybe over a series of similar events that are piling up. Please don’t leave your faith because of this. Leave for 100,000 other really good reasons, but just don’t let it be because you got bullied into it.

Faith has nothing to do with this, by the way. What we’re dealing with here is natural human behavior that has been left uncontrolled and unchecked by parents and church leaders. It’s bad, and it’s wrong, and the truth is, you’re going to deal with people like this for as long as you let them bully you and exclude you.

As painful and degrading as this can be, my advice to you is to pull the worst offenders aside (do this one or two at a time if you feel more comfortable) and tell them that they’re hurting you. Be prepared with a VERY SPECIFIC LIST of things that they have done or said to you. If this means that you have to sit and write a 10 page list, then do that. You need to let them know in black and white terms what their behavior is, and that you find it to be exclusionary, offensive and hurtful.

Ask them if you’ve done anything to them. Maybe you own them an apology, and if that’s the case, you have to let them feel safe and comfortable that they can tell you this (and then apologize, even if they're wrong). If they say you haven't done anything to warrant their actions, then turn this around to them and put them on the spot. Ask them why they think it’s okay to behave like this toward you.

Don’t be afraid to pull in an adult to moderate the conversation if you feel nervous or if you feel that you won’t be able to convey your issues to them.

When you can see that you’ve pulled a little shame out of them, then it's time to cut them loose. Give them a friendly smile and tell them it’s all fine… that you’re looking forward to burying the hatchet and starting over with them. What you're doing here is giving them an avenue to apologize without putting them in a position where they have to lose too much pride. Maybe invite them to sit with you at lunch and come prepared with a big bag of cookies to share with them. Give them the benefit of the doubt and make a serious effort to start over with them. Be friendly and genuinely laugh at their jokes and show them that you’re not holding a grudge.

Then, assuming that there is a positive change in the way they treat you, be the nicest guy ever and never remind them of their bad behavior. Let them learn from their experience, and grow from it without the embarrassment of always being reminded of how they used to behave.
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24-08-2015, 09:23 PM
RE: People at church excluding and avoiding me
Seems like a great reason to stay the hell out of church in the first place.

Then again, there is no bad reason for that.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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