People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
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27-07-2014, 12:36 PM
People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
A "friend" recently contacted me after breaking up with his girlfriend. He's been a serial monogamist as long as I've known him and getting him to hang out is like pulling teeth.

I just told him to fuck off. We're in our 30s and it blows my mind that anyone over the age of 15 does this or promotes this type of behavior. You need a healthy balance of seclusion, romance, and platonic relationships. Those who abandon their friends after getting a girlfriend or boyfriend are the types of people I respect the least.

Anyone know someone like this?
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27-07-2014, 12:52 PM
RE: People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
(27-07-2014 12:36 PM)give me moon rocks Wrote:  A "friend" recently contacted me after breaking up with his girlfriend. He's been a serial monogamist as long as I've known him and getting him to hang out is like pulling teeth.

I just told him to fuck off. We're in our 30s and it blows my mind that anyone over the age of 15 does this or promotes this type of behavior. You need a healthy balance of seclusion, romance, and platonic relationships. Those who abandon their friends after getting a girlfriend or boyfriend are the types of people I respect the least.

Anyone know someone like this?

Well... I was going to say "me", but I'm not EXACTLY like that.

I have a strong sense of obligation and guilt that forces me to keep only a few close people in my life at any given time. If I keep too many friends, I start to feel like an asshole for not checking up on them or spending time with them; even if they're fine with that.

I do notice, however, that when I spend a lot of time with a girl, that through some mysterious mechanism, I somehow have LESS time to do other things? How is that possible, when there are unlimited hours in the day? Dodgy
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27-07-2014, 12:57 PM
RE: People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
I had a friend once who dropped me the moment she got a boyfriend. Ironically I self identified as a lesbian at the time but never actually told her so it wasn't like I was a threat. It really annoys me though because I am not quick to make friends and being dropped the moment someone's circumstances change says to me that it actually wasn't really a proper friendship at all, it was just a matter of convenience on her part.
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27-07-2014, 01:01 PM
RE: People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
I get not having as much time to spend with a friend. I don't get total abandonment. Nor do I get the concept that the dropped friend should just hover around in a holding pattern till the other person has time for them again. If people matter to you, you don't treat them like that.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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27-07-2014, 01:49 PM
RE: People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
I've been lucky that many of my friendships survive because we all understand that we all have different things going on at different times. We don't hang out like we used to, mostly because we live in different states but the phone calls and text messages vary from every couple days for a month two to no calls for 3 months! These are my middle school and high school friends ( I'm 46 now). When people mean something to you, you make time for them.

Local friends seem to be just for awhile and tend to be neighbors or parents of my children's classmates because those are the people I see on a regular basis.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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27-07-2014, 01:59 PM
RE: People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
I'm dating a guy now, and we all share pretty much the same circle of friends. They introduced me to him...voila! No problems there. lol

But, I've had many friends who've dumped me and other friends after entering a relationship...and then when the relationship ends, they return to the fold. This is 8th grade behavior, and I don't accept it from adults.

Be true to yourself. Heart
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27-07-2014, 03:02 PM
RE: People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
It's pretty unhealthy to zone in on only one person. Bad bad bad. My S.O. and I talked about it when we met. Since one of the things we liked about each other was the diverse set of interests and activities we brought together, it seemed important to maintain them. One of the things that drives me crazy is "Oh he/she makes me happy, or will make me happy.". Screw that. It's you're not a happy fulfilled fun interesting engaged person already, and know who you really are, and don't bring that with you, your relationship is doomed.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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27-07-2014, 03:14 PM (This post was last modified: 27-07-2014 04:01 PM by Wicked Clown.)
RE: People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
Because love is a drug. A lot of people once they get addicted to alcohol, meth, or Heroine lose interest in friends, hobbies, relatives, or other interests they had before the addiction.

As a recovering pill and alcohol addict and at one time IV drug user, I know that the most powerful and addictive drug is falling in love. I've talked to paramedics who said that the vast majority of young suicides take place after a break up.

The two suicides that I have known in the past three years took place as a result of getting dumped
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27-07-2014, 03:47 PM
RE: People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
Well, in general I think it's bad to go into a little relationship cave and shut out the world..BUT some things to consider:

1. Time is LIMITED. For people who work full time, and have a significant other, you are looking at 10-20 free waking hours per week (a lot less during the beginning of the relationship).

2. Do your interests align? I have a friend who loves going out. Bars, drinks, clubs, you know. I've NEVER liked doing this stuff, even when I was single. I feel bad, he offers for me to go out several times a year. But it's just not a lifestyle I'm really interested in (I don't even drink). Even when I was single, I don't enjoy that environment much, but am much more likely to do it as a single person because exposure and putting yourself out there might help with more romance options.

3. Again with interests, do your price points align? I have other friends who want to do stuff, but generally these are events or food things that would cost $50+ per person per outing. I've grown up broke, and am not a fan of frivolous spending. I like to home cook and relax, or do things that are a great value or free. I end up turning friends down for this reason.

4. I'm just TIRED in general at the end of the day. I wake up, 2 hours later I'm at work, 9.5 hours later I'm back at home. I want to relax..you know chill. Come freakin' chill with me and I am 100% happy. But ask me to go out on a weeknight then damnit I would so prefer to have a nice home cooked meal at home with my girl and then relax.

I try to consider that everybody is different. So even if I have friends that turn me down, or who I don't talk to much for months. I try to understand that everybody is just living life, and I won't get bitter just because our interests didn't align for a long period of time.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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27-07-2014, 04:10 PM
RE: People who abandon their friends after entering a romantic relationship
I suppose we have seen all seen somebody do it, maybe we all have done it ourselves to some degree. Maybe not extreme like cutting people off, but maybe cancelling something to spend sometime with a significant other.

Sure you can feel used and abandoned and quite rightly tell that person to go and fucking do one, however you could also give your friend a second chance and if they do the same again, then they have no excuse.

Life's too short to hold grudges Drinking Beverage

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
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