People who hug
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12-06-2014, 09:38 AM
People who hug
I'm not referring to family and very close friends, but acquaintances. I get very uncomfortable when people, especially men who try to hug me as there's always that sexual overtone to it. Women will do a neck hug but men seem to go for the full body, almost bear hug with a woman. I was raised to respect another's space but with too many men, when I've tried to opt for a handshake instead, they grab my hand and pull me toward them. I find myself covering my breasts with my other arm and pulling back. How do others deal with this. I left a social group for this very reason. People have this idea it makes others feel loved. They don't love me and I certainly don't love them nor feel loved by them. How do others deal with this?
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12-06-2014, 09:57 AM
RE: People who hug
Americans have the hug, we have the kiss. We don't hug acquaintances here, it's kinda rude. But we do kiss them on both cheeks. That's worse if you ask me.

I don't think there's any way to avoid any of the two. I've been trying for years. My best chance is to try and keep my distance.

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12-06-2014, 10:20 AM
RE: People who hug
Wear a bunch of outward facing tacks on your bra? Carry a hot beverage around?

People who hug are okay by me... As long as they aren't sweaty, stinky, or start sniffing me or get grabby. I even hug my guy friends... I can't help it. I just love too much Sadcryface

Just don't put your mouth on my face... That kiss thing is so unsanitary.

Although there is a weird guy here at work who "jokingly" (who really knows) tries to hug me. He's absolutely covered in filth from working on the dock, he's creepy... And well.. Gross and creepy covers it. It terrifies me that one day he might get a hold of me. On days where I have a less pleasant disposition, I've come close to punching him in the throat.
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12-06-2014, 10:23 AM
RE: People who hug
There's a simple fix to this. You tell them you're not comfortable with it.

I'm a guy and I don't like when guys that I'm familiar with suddenly think it's alright to put their hands on me whenever they want. Would be worse for a woman, no doubt.
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12-06-2014, 12:37 PM
RE: People who hug
yeah....unless it was family, or a very, very close friend, I cannot think of a scenario where I would think it is appropriate, or desired, to bring a woman in for a close hug. That is a bit...inappropriate, if not creepy. A full on bear hug from a man to a woman, who are not in a very personal relationship is in my mind, a man thinking here is a golden opportunity to take advantage of a social situation and get in some free touchy feely time for his self gratification...or someone who is completely clueless about acceptable and normal social mannerisms. Just my thoughts, to each their own...

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12-06-2014, 12:48 PM
RE: People who hug
I don't try to opt for a hand shake instead. If someone tries to hug me I just take a step back from them. I find myself explaining my issues with personal space to people way too often. I wish people would just keep their hands to themselves, but they don't. The best bet, imo, is to just be honest with people about how you feel about them hugging you. People usually understand.

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12-06-2014, 12:49 PM
RE: People who hug
(12-06-2014 09:38 AM)Takelababy Wrote:  ...
How do others deal with this?

Hug

The irony here is that you've posted in the area where hugs are often the only and best support we can offer.

The wording of the OP is more like a general topic (hence the non-specific responses so far).

If you have a specific instance that has caused you distress and you are seeking help, feel free to share.

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12-06-2014, 12:54 PM
RE: People who hug
I used to hate being touched. When a friend (close friend too) hugged me and I wasn't expecting it, I nearly threw up. Now I just dislike it strongly. I can tolerate it, but I'll still feel uncomfortable when people (including family members) touch me. I deal with this like I deal with other things that make me uncomfortable: not think about it. Maybe think about your favorite food or one of your favorite songs or whatever.
The only person who's touched me (hugged me, in fact, tight and for several seconds) and I didn't feel uncomfortable with was my best friend. We hadn't seen each other for a while. I went for a handshake, as I do with all friends, male and female (due to my height, it's uncomfortable for me to bend in order to be able to give my female friends a kiss on the cheek), but he said "Please!" and hugged me. It took a little while before I reciprocated (about half a second), but it was the best hug I've ever received from a friend.

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12-06-2014, 01:06 PM
RE: People who hug
I am a hugger. I can't help it.

However. I wouldn't hug someone until I found out if they were okay with it. I'm not a hugging molester. Drinking Beverage
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12-06-2014, 01:29 PM
RE: People who hug
(12-06-2014 09:38 AM)Takelababy Wrote:  I find myself covering my breasts with my other arm and pulling back.

The only reason I wanna hug a girl is so I can have her breasts press on me. Are you perhaps insecure?

(12-06-2014 09:57 AM)undergroundp Wrote:  I don't think there's any way to avoid any of the two. I've been trying for years. My best chance is to try and keep my distance.

You should kiss me.

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