Perfect mate thread.
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05-09-2012, 09:13 PM
RE: Perfect mate thread.
She has to be...

Consider

Idea

An Angel in the kitchen and a Censored Evil_monster in the bedroom.

Call me old fashioned Drinking Beverage

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06-09-2012, 05:50 AM
RE: Perfect mate thread.
I've been married 19 years to the perfect mate. She is intelligent, devoted and enjoys the same things I do. She is also my best friend. She understands that sex is not a weapon, but a true expression of one another's love. The longest we were ever apart in 19 years was 10 days due to my job, and that was only once. She is also an atheist and a great mother.

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06-09-2012, 05:51 AM
RE: Perfect mate thread.
(06-09-2012 05:50 AM)haarvik Wrote:  I've been married 19 years to the perfect mate. She is intelligent, devoted and enjoys the same things I do. She is also my best friend. She understands that sex is not a weapon, but a true expression of one another's love. The longest we were ever apart in 19 years was 10 days due to my job, and that was only once. She is also an atheist and a great mother.

Thats awesome! Maaann you guys really give me hope for the future.

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06-09-2012, 07:28 AM
RE: Perfect mate thread.
(05-09-2012 08:00 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  
(05-09-2012 07:58 PM)Dom Wrote:  You need to define just what you mean by "mate".

A playmate is a very different thing from a mate to form a team for life. The criteria would differ greatly.

I kinda thought you would get my meaning....

Mate, a life partner. Like a husband or someone that special to you.

Of course I completely understand what you are getting at.


I asked because you said brunette.

Brunette today, redhead tomorrow, blond on Saturday, haircolor isn't a defining point to women. Have you noticed how many coloring products there are on the sales shelves and how many beauty salons there are? Our little town has as many beauty salons as churches. The main business in there is coloring hair.

There are, especially for men, visuals that turn on more than others. But the visuals are very temporary. And relationships based on visuals don't tend to last long.

Being able to be alone when together - that is absolutely a good point. Without that marriage becomes too taxing for most people. Not just to introverts. I am an extrovert and I still value that a lot. But that is something you don't tend to find out until you have been together for some time, at first everything is too exciting.

The question you ask is a lot more tricky than you think, and that's why we have the high divorce rates.

For a lasting relationship, the brain part becomes the most important thing. Yet the brain is totally overshadowed by hormones and excitement when first you get involved.

So the old fashioned way of dating for some time before hopping into bed has a lot of merits. It allows you to see the person inside the body better.

That makes it very important that you are clear with yourself as to whether you are looking for a roll in the hay or a life partner.

My personal criteria:

Equal intelligence - you want a partner whose decisions you can trust. You will be making major life decisions as a union. You want to be an asset to each other in the decision making process.

A kind of familiarity that is hard to describe, it doesn't mean that you have to both be intro - or extroverts or things ike that, but that somehow it feels comfortable to be with that person.

The ability to support the other person in things you may not care about or that you even dislike. That doesn't mean you have to enjoy the same things, it means that both are able to respect and support interests you do not share. If one likes to watch sports and the other gets bored to heck, and the other likes gardening and the partner finds it boring, you need to be willing to enable the other to follow their pursuits. If one or the other person has to suspend something that matters to them in order to make the relationship work, it spells trouble. As you both grow and evolve in life, you will develop different interests if you don't have them already. You don't want to deny that freedom to either partner. It's the freedom to be yourself and follow your bliss, whatever that will turnout to be.

One interest or like you have in common. Just one is fine, you can be different all you want but one interest needs to be shared. That interest will make sure communication always stays open and there is always something of interest to both that you can talk about. That may not seem imortant at first, but after 20 years it will be the life blood of your relationship. Of course it is also possible that you both acquire the interest after you meet.

To me, those are the most important aspects I try to determine before entering into any type of serious relationship.

I am twice widowed, my first died when we were still very young, my second passed after 27 years of marriage, 30 years of being together. I also grew up in the hippie times and had more than my share of casual relationships. So I have a bit of experience in these matters. The above is what I have learned. It's not something I knew or was looking for when I was in my twenties. My first marriage would not have lasted, it was rocky and falling apart when he got sick. I stood by him when he was sick, but if that hadn't happened we would likely have divorced.

I think the bottomline is that you want someone you can grow and evolve with, who won't stifle you or cause you to abandon things that matter to you. And this has to go both ways. If either person starts losing their identity and personality, trouble starts. Partners in life need to support each other in their individual growth, regardless. We all keep growing and changing, a marriage should help facilitate your growth, not stunt it.

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06-09-2012, 07:53 AM
RE: Perfect mate thread.
Appearance wise (im not shallow, but it is important) I prefer women who are shorter in height than me, petite and slim (ish)

Someone who is confident and not afraid to be themselves..... who has some "life" experience.... who sees a relationship as something that can allways be improved over time.

Someone who I can be completly and 100% honest with and will do the same in return.

I would like to have children one day..... my mate would have to share that as well.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

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06-09-2012, 09:00 AM
RE: Perfect mate thread.
Tons of wisdom in Dom's post! Couldn't agree more, but I'd put emphasis on the communications. My wife and I can talk for hours about anything and everything. It takes us 2 hours to get through an hour of Real Time (Bill Maher) because we are constantly pausing and discussing. Being engaged on an intellectual level is probably more important in the long run than the physical (which is still important, but let's face it, the time you spend together over a lifetime, sex is only about 5% of the total (that might be generous), he rest of the time, you're just together, doing other things - that needs to be high quality time.

The other thing that is important is how you argue - and you will! You need to understand there really is no "winning" an argument with your other half. It needs to be handled in a way that respects her as well as yourself.

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06-09-2012, 09:01 AM
RE: Perfect mate thread.
(06-09-2012 07:28 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(05-09-2012 08:00 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  I kinda thought you would get my meaning....

Mate, a life partner. Like a husband or someone that special to you.

Of course I completely understand what you are getting at.


I asked because you said brunette.

Brunette today, redhead tomorrow, blond on Saturday, haircolor isn't a defining point to women. Have you noticed how many coloring products there are on the sales shelves and how many beauty salons there are? Our little town has as many beauty salons as churches. The main business in there is coloring hair.

There are, especially for men, visuals that turn on more than others. But the visuals are very temporary. And relationships based on visuals don't tend to last long.

Being able to be alone when together - that is absolutely a good point. Without that marriage becomes too taxing for most people. Not just to introverts. I am an extrovert and I still value that a lot. But that is something you don't tend to find out until you have been together for some time, at first everything is too exciting.

The question you ask is a lot more tricky than you think, and that's why we have the high divorce rates.

For a lasting relationship, the brain part becomes the most important thing. Yet the brain is totally overshadowed by hormones and excitement when first you get involved.

So the old fashioned way of dating for some time before hopping into bed has a lot of merits. It allows you to see the person inside the body better.

That makes it very important that you are clear with yourself as to whether you are looking for a roll in the hay or a life partner.

My personal criteria:

Equal intelligence - you want a partner whose decisions you can trust. You will be making major life decisions as a union. You want to be an asset to each other in the decision making process.

A kind of familiarity that is hard to describe, it doesn't mean that you have to both be intro - or extroverts or things ike that, but that somehow it feels comfortable to be with that person.

The ability to support the other person in things you may not care about or that you even dislike. That doesn't mean you have to enjoy the same things, it means that both are able to respect and support interests you do not share. If one likes to watch sports and the other gets bored to heck, and the other likes gardening and the partner finds it boring, you need to be willing to enable the other to follow their pursuits. If one or the other person has to suspend something that matters to them in order to make the relationship work, it spells trouble. As you both grow and evolve in life, you will develop different interests if you don't have them already. You don't want to deny that freedom to either partner. It's the freedom to be yourself and follow your bliss, whatever that will turnout to be.

One interest or like you have in common. Just one is fine, you can be different all you want but one interest needs to be shared. That interest will make sure communication always stays open and there is always something of interest to both that you can talk about. That may not seem imortant at first, but after 20 years it will be the life blood of your relationship. Of course it is also possible that you both acquire the interest after you meet.

To me, those are the most important aspects I try to determine before entering into any type of serious relationship.

I am twice widowed, my first died when we were still very young, my second passed after 27 years of marriage, 30 years of being together. I also grew up in the hippie times and had more than my share of casual relationships. So I have a bit of experience in these matters. The above is what I have learned. It's not something I knew or was looking for when I was in my twenties. My first marriage would not have lasted, it was rocky and falling apart when he got sick. I stood by him when he was sick, but if that hadn't happened we would likely have divorced.

I think the bottomline is that you want someone you can grow and evolve with, who won't stifle you or cause you to abandon things that matter to you. And this has to go both ways. If either person starts losing their identity and personality, trouble starts. Partners in life need to support each other in their individual growth, regardless. We all keep growing and changing, a marriage should help facilitate your growth, not stunt it.

Excellent post Dom. Absolutely spot on.

The best line and my take-away from the above:
"And relationships based on visuals don't tend to last long"





Uh-huh, uh-huh!

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06-09-2012, 09:05 AM
RE: Perfect mate thread.
Easy question.

Rich as fuck, on their deathbed, no living relatives or heirs.

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06-09-2012, 11:02 AM
RE: Perfect mate thread.
(06-09-2012 09:05 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  Easy question.

Rich as fuck, on their deathbed, no living relatives or heirs.

Well if muffs ever gets married, it's only because of the the money or the sex.
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06-09-2012, 11:11 AM
RE: Perfect mate thread.
(05-09-2012 07:47 PM)Seasbury Wrote:  The one I'm married to...sweet and simple Wink

Oh. You suck. I'm only saying that because you are gonna score so fucking huge.

I hate you. There. I just had to balance shit out for you. Happy? Dodgy



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