Personal issue but just venting
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13-11-2013, 02:06 AM
Personal issue but just venting
I have sit on the fence while studying the bible. Recently I started working 3rd shift and began missing church alot. My wife is very Christian and is raising our kids that way, they are 6 & 7. After missing my 3rd week of church prompted by there mother, they met me at the door and proclaimed that if I didn't go to church I would go to hell...I brushed it off at the time not really knowing how deeply it affected me, hurt me really. I guess by nature I would have always become an atheist but I know I can't come out about it unless I want to lose my family. I always thought love transcended everything but I guess I no longer believe it will transcend this gap that I face and it hurts more than I can put in to words. If any one else feels this way I sympathies.
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13-11-2013, 02:48 AM
RE: Personal issue but just venting
I say fake it and drop the seeds of free thought along the way until
The kids are teen. Wait for the right moment to go from fake it until you break it.

As long as your church is not a loony militant environment.
Treat it like a cultural novelty/obligation

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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13-11-2013, 04:45 AM
RE: Personal issue but just venting
^^ That.

Well said.

We have one member here who has a job in christian radio. If he can fake it....

Welcome and good luck and feel free to let off steam amongst us infidels as often as you need to.

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13-11-2013, 09:42 AM
RE: Personal issue but just venting
(13-11-2013 02:06 AM)Awolia Wrote:  I have sit on the fence while studying the bible. Recently I started working 3rd shift and began missing church alot. My wife is very Christian and is raising our kids that way, they are 6 & 7. After missing my 3rd week of church prompted by there mother, they met me at the door and proclaimed that if I didn't go to church I would go to hell...I brushed it off at the time not really knowing how deeply it affected me, hurt me really. I guess by nature I would have always become an atheist but I know I can't come out about it unless I want to lose my family. I always thought love transcended everything but I guess I no longer believe it will transcend this gap that I face and it hurts more than I can put in to words. If any one else feels this way I sympathies.

What did you mean by "studying the bible"??
Did or do you miss church (the liturgical services themselves), or the comraderie of the congregation?
Find some quiet time with both the kids, and ask them where they got the notion that you would "go to hell" if you didn't attend church. Ask them if a person too ill to go to church will still go to hell. Get them thinking...they're old enough now.
You do not have to "come out" as an atheist...or anything else for that matter. What you do have to do is be a good father to the kids and husband to the wife...of course, you know that.
The words (most assuredly placed into their "mouths" by their religions "teachers") from 6 and 7 year olds can hurt. Just realize that in all probability they don't know what they're saying.
It's up to you to teach them....part of what being a good father is all about!

"People don't go to heaven when they die; they're taken to a special room and burned!" Evil_monster
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14-11-2013, 05:52 PM
RE: Personal issue but just venting
I'm really sorry. I can't imagine being in the situation that you are in. I can make suggestions, but without being you, I can't tell you what a great course of action would be. If I were in your shoes I would have two things on my mind. My relationship with my wife, and the future of my children.

Just my thoughts:
Opening up to your wife very slowly in what you think or believe..and seeing if she accepts you for who you are, is very important. Love and marriage are about a partnership of understanding and honesty. It isn't fair to you to have to lie about how you think or who you are. This is your life, and there is no reason you shouldn't pursue your own happiness, even if that requires wading through some difficult waters to get there. This is just me personally, but I value my freedom to be who I am more than I value my relationships with others. I feel like living a lie, being somebody I am not, would be like being a slave in my own home, and I won't go through that again.

As for my kids, my number one priority would be to prevent indoctrination (again this is just me) because I consider that abuse and I do not want that inflicted upon my children.

As for your wife accepting who you are and what you believe, if she can't then she can't. But are you willing to keep living with that the rest of your life? Now I'm not suggesting divorce, but I want to make one very important point. I grew up in a very, very unhappy household. My parents' relationship was horrid, and that poison splashed out and affected all of their 8 kids' lives. I grew up WISHING my parents would get divorced because the way we lived was horrible for everybody, and left psychological marks on all of my siblings and our relationships. What I'm saying is the whole "stay together for the kids." effort is a bunch of Bull. If you aren't happy, don't make your kids suffer through living in an unhappy household. They can pick up more than you realize. *Again, I'm not saying this is happening to you, but IF this point ever did come, it's something I suggest keeping in mind*.

So those are my thoughts, and like I said, I'm not you so I can't tell you what your personal solution should be. But I hope the best for you, and I encourage you to be true to yourself in your own home. It's one thing fooling the world...but your home. If you can't be yourself in your own home...to me that would make me feel homeless.

I'm sorry if my words seem cold or unencouraging, but I really do wish the best for you. Good luck my friend.
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14-11-2013, 06:01 PM
RE: Personal issue but just venting
Tell them you're busy, and working too hard to go to heaven now anyway. Then tell them about how if you say sorry on your deathbed, its all okay. When the questions start rolling in, just answer as best you can, "Yes, you could have a lucrative career as a hitman, and as long as you repent, its all good"

Actually, probably don't do that
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