Picking up girls or boys
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27-02-2017, 12:11 AM
RE: Picking up girls or boys
I thought this was gonna be a waaay more fun thread Undecided

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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27-02-2017, 01:50 AM
RE: Picking up girls or boys
G'day mate, and welcome. Smile

As others have already said, the word "atheist" definitely doesn't imply that as such we're one contiguous group that agrees on every sociopolitical question. Atheism is simply a personal state of mind about one single issue—the non-existence of supernatural entities and/or paranormal phenomena.

I also have to say that I think for someone so young, you have a very cynical attitude to the human condition and life in general. You need to lighten up, and not dissect every social act to the Nth degree. Have fun, and don't overthink what you're doing at the time.

—BTW, I met my partner in a bar 28 years ago (after a 15-year failed marriage) and never been happier.

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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27-02-2017, 02:36 AM
RE: Picking up girls or boys
(26-02-2017 02:40 PM)levani Wrote:  Is it wrong to use other people's attributes and don't bother getting to know them and experience a real, actual person,
not just a part of him/ her?
Who gets to define what is right and what is wrong?

Everyone has their own view, their own goals, their own journey.
You can really only steer your own ship, sure others may want to use you. Relationships are a difficult thing, the other person wants what they want, you want what you want and these change from time to time and aren't always aligned, and people aren't always honest with each other.

Life is a journey full of unexpected twists and turns, we often compete and conflict, it is very tricky to navigate through life and almost impossible to understand the thoughts of others.

With regards to relationships, I doubt many 18-24 year olds are looking for a life long partner to settle down with. I think most people are just discovering themselves, discovering others and how to interact, experiencing and enjoying life. But if you do find someone special along the way, perhaps you then do start having ideas of settling down. If you do that very young, maybe later in life you feel like you missed out on something, perhaps were too young to make such a long lasting life decision (although at the time, you probably were quite bold in your ability to make decisions).
But I really don't think there is a right path in life.
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27-02-2017, 02:37 AM
RE: Picking up girls or boys
(26-02-2017 04:10 PM)onlinebiker Wrote:  Charlie Sheen is the High Priest of Atheists.


This means you should get it wet as frequently as possible, with as many people as humanly possible, whenever, and wherever you may be....

...

[/sarcasm]

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[Image: E3WvRwZ.gif]
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27-02-2017, 03:01 AM (This post was last modified: 27-02-2017 03:05 AM by DLJ.)
RE: Picking up girls or boys
(26-02-2017 02:40 PM)levani Wrote:  ...
So, I'm new here and don't really know what Atheists think about this topic. Is it wrong to use other people's attributes and don't bother getting to know them and experience a real, actual person,
not just a part of him/ her?

And if it's not wrong,
I'd love to see why.

Personally, I don't want to be used in any way.
I don't want to be perceived as a thing, or an object.
I want to be known by a person, and perceived as a person, and loved as a person.
And it really bothers me to see so many people using each other Huh

Define person.

Other people cross our paths and enter our narrative. At a primitive level we will identify their attributes as either enables or constraints (tools or obstacles). The more we become conversant with that other person's own narrative the more we can determine how useful or harmful they are for achieving some goal we have (even if we have not articulated that goal to even ourselves i.e. we feel that person gets us or not).

Most of us make a judgement on that on initial eye-contact - just think about how many people you pass in the street... most are obstacles in your way, some have dead eyes and some, very few, seem alive to you.

However well (or not) we get to know someone, it's always about comparable narratives and the unthunk question (the instinct) is "are they useful to us or harmful?"

You will be used and you will use others - as a social creature, that's unavoidable.

So the question then is how will that usability manifest itself.

[Image: Supplier_categorization.png]

If I may be so bold as to modify your question, you don't want to be a Commodity (pay-as-you-go), you want to be in a strongly interdependent Strategic Relationship (sharing confidential information, aligning goals and outcomes, joint finances etc.)

It's hard enough to know yourself as a person let alone fully understand anyone else's personhood but interdependence can happen with much hard work over many years of partnership.

On initial contact in a bar, the best you can hope for is to select for a common vision / objectives in life (which or course will change over time).

As for this non-drinking, anti-social, atheist, a bar is the last place I'd expect to find a strategic match but then, as onlinebiker indicated, there's still enjoyment to be found in high-value/low-risk relationships.

Wink

EDITED to add: Had I just refreshed my page before typing, I could have just written "What Stevil said". Oh well.

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27-02-2017, 03:16 AM
RE: Picking up girls or boys
(26-02-2017 02:40 PM)levani Wrote:  Hello y'all

I don't usually go to bars, but when I go, it kinda bothers me. People treat each other like things.
Some of them want free booze,
Some of them want to have sex,
yet, like non of them is searching for a person. Another person. I'm a normal guy and i had more than 4 girlfriends till the age 23 Confused but it never was about the attributes. It was about the other person. I loved being with them because of them, and not for their stuff.

So, I'm new here and don't really know what Atheists think about this topic. Is it wrong to use other people's attributes and don't bother getting to know them and experience a real, actual person,
not just a part of him/ her?

And if it's not wrong,
I'd love to see why.

Personally, I don't want to be used in any way.
I don't want to be perceived as a thing, or an object.
I want to be known by a person, and perceived as a person, and loved as a person.
And it really bothers me to see so many people using each other Huh

First, finding love in a bar is a long shot, and probably not worth your time. Do those things you love to do, and you'll meet potential mates who at the very least share one interest with you. (Of course, if your interest is drinking, you're home free.)

Secondly, and more importantly, I've found my relationships to be much more rewarding when I know and love the whole person. She need not, indeed ideally doesn't, share every interest with me. She need not, and ideally won't, agree with me at every turn. Things, possessions, don't matter to me. If they do to her, it's probably not on anyway -- I'm not rich and won't catch any gaze for my wealth. Nor will she, even if she's wealthy, because I prefer gals wealthy in heart and mind -- the intangibles -- rather than those with plenty of money but a bankrupt heart.
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27-02-2017, 03:24 AM
RE: Picking up girls or boys
Not many people would go to a bar thinking 'geez, I hope I meet my future life partner tonight'. Most people go for a good time, and for some people a good time involves a random hook up. On occasion you could go out with the intention of just having a good time/random hook up, and meet someone you just 'click' with, and something more meaningful will come out of it. I'm not really sure what else you'd expect, or why you'd have a problem with other people wanting that if it suits them.

Its a bit like going to a church and hoping you'd find a group of atheists there, then being disappointed that it's full of xtians. :-D

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27-02-2017, 03:31 AM
RE: Picking up girls or boys
Wow. This is so cool & interesting to see all these personal views about this topic.
Thank you guys. Heart

Maybe some of you have read my 'about me' and already knows that I'm a christian universalist, who believes in redemption of all. Even the most vilest of people.
And personally,
this belief makes me to respect the other person, and not to harm anybody. Not to use them for my personal interests and etc.
And I've seen christians who only respect and love the other christians,
and I've seen atheists who only respect and love the other atheists,
and it's very sad.
But I believe, we, humans, cannot love truly somebody, who doesn't share the values of the group that we belong to. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. But that's what I see everywhere I look.
And being a christian universalist, really frees me from the groups and lets me love everybody. . in every group.

Do you guys agree that even atheists tend to love other atheists more than they love christians or other people, from other groups?
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27-02-2017, 03:37 AM
RE: Picking up girls or boys
(27-02-2017 03:31 AM)levani Wrote:  Do you guys agree that even atheists tend to love other atheists more than they love christians or other people, from other groups?

No. Love is reserved for a few in my life. Whether or not they are atheist is immaterial. Liking / feelings of benevolence to other people are also not linked to their religion. In my experience religion and racism are two examples of things that make people dislike others purely on the basis of stupid generalisations.

I do however extremely dislike idiots who ramble on about loving everyone and how much better they are than everyone else because they found the One True Path.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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27-02-2017, 03:44 AM (This post was last modified: 27-02-2017 03:48 AM by Szuchow.)
RE: Picking up girls or boys
(27-02-2017 03:31 AM)levani Wrote:  Maybe some of you have read my 'about me' and already knows that I'm a christian universalist, who believes in redemption of all. Even the most vilest of people.
And personally,
this belief makes me to respect the other person, and not to harm anybody. Not to use them for my personal interests and etc.

I need no strange beliefs to not harm people, common decency is enough. And respect is earned not given.

Quote:And I've seen christians who only respect and love the other christians,
and I've seen atheists who only respect and love the other atheists,
and it's very sad.

I fail to see what is sad in this. Majority of people aren't hippies that claim to love everyone I suppose and that's nothing wrong with this.

Quote:But I believe, we, humans, cannot love truly somebody, who doesn't share the values of the group that we belong to. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. But that's what I see everywhere I look.
And being a christian universalist, really frees me from the groups and lets me love everybody. . in every group.

That's nice. Or creepy. But how you show this love? Is there some tangible benefit for all that people you claim to love?

Quote:Do you guys agree that even atheists tend to love other atheists more than they love christians or other people, from other groups?

Atheists aren't uniform group of people with the same outlook on life.

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

Mikhail Bakunin.
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