Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
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28-07-2016, 05:02 PM
Question Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
So my husband and I decided that we want a child now, the time is right and all. We get to have a lot of fun now Wink

So generally, for private live stuff, I think we will be just fine. Everybody worries and then it just turns out just fine. So I decided to not worry about that part too much lol.

I am more worried about two things

One thing is which to languages we want to raise it with. In our household there are THREE languages present. We usually speak English because that is the language we met in and the country we live in. I am originally from Germany and my husband has learnt German for professional reasons during the past few years. He is from Romania though and I speak almost no Romanian (unless knowing how to ask for an onion in the shop counts). There are no Romanian courses or groups etc around here in the city. So there won't be an easy way to teach the child Romanian when it is older. What we used to tell parents, back when I worked in child care, on that topic was, to speak the parent's language at home because they will learn German at daycare anyway. But that would be for "only" bilingual kids and I agree with that approach. But we have two second languages for the child... Dunno, advice?

The other thing I am even more worried about is the part of raising a secular child in a country where the vast majority of schools are Christian schools. In my city there is, as far as I know, exactly one state school and the waiting list is six (that is 6) years long and even then you gotta be lucky to get a place there. The rest of the schools are government funded but owned by the Church.
My husband and I spoke about either opting the child out of religion lessons or leaving it in the lesson but talk about the things at home. Opting out is absolutely possible around here but legally the school has no obligation to look after a kid that has opted out of religion during the time of the lesson. Also I think, making religion something mysterious or even forbidden is very counter productive. I do want my child to be educated. But I also don't want it to be indoctrinated. I feel like if I raise a child that thinks critically and asks questions, will get into trouble in such a religious school environment. I spoke to atheist friends who grew up here, who came out just fine without believing, but they do confirm that religion at school is really still a big thing here. So yea... Dunno. Again any advice?

Generally, it might still take a while. But since we made this decision, that we want a child, I started thinking about these things more and more.

Cheers,
Leela

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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28-07-2016, 05:16 PM
RE: Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
Congrats! That's a big step. Keep up posted on the progress (though maybe not the process) Wink.

I would think English and German would be the languages of choice given your circumstances.

As for education, as soon as you know there's a baby on the way you could get on the waiting list for the secular school. You can always change your mind later if a religious school will offer better academics all around.

You will do like all of us do...you'll figure it out as you go along.

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28-07-2016, 05:24 PM (This post was last modified: 28-07-2016 05:54 PM by Dom.)
RE: Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
(28-07-2016 05:02 PM)Leela Wrote:  So my husband and I decided that we want a child now, the time is right and all. We get to have a lot of fun now Wink

So generally, for private live stuff, I think we will be just fine. Everybody worries and then it just turns out just fine. So I decided to not worry about that part too much lol.

I am more worried about two things

One thing is which to languages we want to raise it with. In our household there are THREE languages present. We usually speak English because that is the language we met in and the country we live in. I am originally from Germany and my husband has learnt German for professional reasons during the past few years. He is from Romania though and I speak almost no Romanian (unless knowing how to ask for an onion in the shop counts). There are no Romanian courses or groups etc around here in the city. So there won't be an easy way to teach the child Romanian when it is older. What we used to tell parents, back when I worked in child care, on that topic was, to speak the parent's language at home because they will learn German at daycare anyway. But that would be for "only" bilingual kids and I agree with that approach. But we have two second languages for the child... Dunno, advice?

The other thing I am even more worried about is the part of raising a secular child in a country where the vast majority of schools are Christian schools. In my city there is, as far as I know, exactly one state school and the waiting list is six (that is 6) years long and even then you gotta be lucky to get a place there. The rest of the schools are government funded but owned by the Church.
My husband and I spoke about either opting the child out of religion lessons or leaving it in the lesson but talk about the things at home. Opting out is absolutely possible around here but legally the school has no obligation to look after a kid that has opted out of religion during the time of the lesson. Also I think, making religion something mysterious or even forbidden is very counter productive. I do want my child to be educated. But I also don't want it to be indoctrinated. I feel like if I raise a child that thinks critically and asks questions, will get into trouble in such a religious school environment. I spoke to atheist friends who grew up here, who came out just fine without believing, but they do confirm that religion at school is really still a big thing here. So yea... Dunno. Again any advice?

Generally, it might still take a while. But since we made this decision, that we want a child, I started thinking about these things more and more.

Cheers,
Leela

I don't have kids, but I know about kids and languages. They are sponges. They don't mix them up. They benefit greatly. Expose the kid to all. Maybe speak English for a day, then German for a day, etc. Keep them slightly apart at first. You will be surprised by your little genius! And exercising the muscles in the mouth and throat that allow language specific sounds is never ever too early.

As far as exposure to religion - one way or another s/he is going to learn about it. What matters is that critical thinking is taught - at home. I went to school with catholic nuns and I became atheist when was 10. You can't protect them from it anyway. It's better to let them be exposed and to deal with it than to let is become an object of curiosity and perhaps later of rebellion.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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28-07-2016, 05:27 PM
RE: Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
Congratulations! Trying to raise a non-believer is not something I have experience, as I de-converted after they were grown.

How does the school not have any responsibility for a child not in the religion class? Is that child still on campus? This makes no sense to me. Could it be a little blackmail?
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28-07-2016, 05:35 PM
RE: Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
(28-07-2016 05:27 PM)Fireball Wrote:  How does the school not have any responsibility for a child not in the religion class? Is that child still on campus? This makes no sense to me. Could it be a little blackmail?
They don't have to supervise children that opt out of religion. On campus or not. And yes, I think it is a little blackmail.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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28-07-2016, 05:41 PM
RE: Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
I know your in Ireland but I'm not sure which city you live in. An Educate Together school would be your best option if there's one in your area. Check out their web-site http://www.educatetogether.ie

Language wise I'd go for English and German.

Congrats and all the best!

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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28-07-2016, 05:46 PM
RE: Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
Peer pressure will be your greatest enemy.

They can "join the group" or end up in their 40's, sittin' on a roof top with an AK-47.

Obviously that was an extreme dichotomy, but nevertheless, peer pressure is what will need dealt with. How to be part of the group and yet not necessarily adopt their beliefs. (and not just religion of course)

Honest communication.

Then there is the Santa thing ... !? Good luck with it all.

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28-07-2016, 05:49 PM
RE: Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
(28-07-2016 05:02 PM)Leela Wrote:  One thing is which to languages we want to raise it with. In our household there are THREE languages present.

All three. No ands, ifs or buts about it. Kids are amazing creatures and will never cease to surprise you.

"They think, therefore I am" - god
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28-07-2016, 06:02 PM
RE: Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
I raised my kids in a secular environment. I didn't do it consciously it's just the way I was raised. I was raised to be curious about the world to never stop asking questions, that learning was a wonderful part of life. In a way my parents were intellectual snobs. The both looked down on stupid people who had no curiosity and weren't excited about history, the arts and nature. So that's the way I raised my kids. My kids are fantastic people. Both are in college now.

One piece of forewarning. Get plenty of sleep now because you'll never sleep as deeply after you have children. There is a definite separation of time in your life. There's BC ....Before Children and AC..... After Children.

After children your life is not the same life it was before children. You're not living in the same world as people without children. It's like you're living on a different planet altogether. It's wonderful though. It's very hard work but it's still wonderful.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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28-07-2016, 06:27 PM
RE: Planning to raise a child > Parents gimme advice?
No plan survives first contact. Make sure you got plenty of belay lines and your carabiners are in good shape and hang on for dear life. Big Grin .... Compazine helps too.

#sigh
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